Well it
must be that time of the month again. There were our feet looking so
nice and clean, and we'd just had a lovely pedicure ….. nails
trimmed, and corns neatly abraded too! As feet go they were looking
pretty damn good even if we say so ourselves. But when you think
about it feet can really be quite tricky things to
deal with. The leg has to end with something, we know, but surely
the Divine Creator could have come up with something slightly more
aesthetically pleasing. They do seem a bit.... untidy …. with toes
going off occasionally in odd directions, bending in peculiar places,
and the odour – well sometimes we just don't know what to do with
them! But now here's an intuitive thought.... a moment of spiritual
inspiration.... we have a solution.... we'll … shoot them off!
And so
with a steady eye and unerring aim Alcoholics Anonymous has once
again carefully - and with great precision - shot itself in the foot!
It is not yet clear if the fellowship has managed to completely
remove both of these appendages but there is no doubt at all, from
press reports, that considerable damage has already been sustained by
this 'self'-inflicted act. We refer of course to the current mess
which constitutes Iain Duncan Smith's most recent inspiration; to
'tax' alcoholics (and addicts) back into recovery. Wherever you look
articles abound concerning the Work and Pensions Secretary's latest
wheeze, and with hardly a word to be found anywhere in favour of his
particular brand of lunacy. And who has been of sufficiently unsound
mind to provide a platform for this foolish politician to air his
views – well …..Alcoholics Anonymous of course! It was at an
event “hosted” by AA in parliament that the main man for the DWP expounded upon his latest cost cutting measures, aimed, of course - and as
usual - at the more vulnerable groups in our society. Under the
rather flimsy guise of 'assisting' addicts back into work IDS has
proposed to reduce the burden to the good old tax payer with measures
which include on the spot 'medical' assessments by Job Centre staff.
Apparently IDS is of the view that these unqualified individuals
would perhaps be able to carry out a quick DSM IV on their 'patient' or maybe just ask them to submit to a
“breath test” to establish whether they're “over the limit”
or not. We can see it all so clearly now: “Just blow into this sir
if you please”, and then, if further evidence is required, they
can ask their victim – sorry … 'patient'....for a blood sample.
The candidate for rehabilitation, where they fail this stringent
medical assessment, can then be pointed in the direction of the
nearest AA meeting, no doubt clutching a “chit” in their sweaty
mitt, to be “signed on” by an obliging group secretary (otherwise
known as a Job Centre intern – ie. an unpaid volunteer – yet
another scam!). In fact, come to think of it, why not just set up AA
meetings IN the Job Centre? Everyone can have a meeting while they're
waiting to be interviewed, get them sorted out in double quick time,
and Bob's your uncle, they're clean and sober, and all ready to get
back on the treadmill! (Meanwhile of course the bankers can go on
'trousering' their bonuses, Osborne can pretend to take action on tax
avoidance/evasion whilst in fact looking the other way – and at a
cost to you and us of £25 BILLION a YEAR - real incomes can continue to fall while
regressive tax rates spiral upwards .... No! …..Don't even get us started on
this one!).
Thus, and
in an uncharacteristically efficient fashion, Alcoholics Anonymous
has managed, on an unprecedented scale, to break its own traditions
concerning non-affiliation and non-controversy (Tradition 10.—No
A.A. group or member should ever, in such a way as to implicate A.A.,
express any opinion on outside controversial issues—particularly
those of politics, alcohol reform, or sectarian religion. The
Alcoholics Anonymous groups oppose no one. Concerning such matters
they can express no views whatever") through its widely
publicised association with yet another ill-conceived government
proposal (and moreover its implied endorsement of this!), and may
also have set itself up for an influx of 'involuntary' referrals
(who may or may not be alcoholics) with all the ill consequences that
follow from that. …......WAY TO GO! - NOT!
Cheerio
The Fellas
(Friends of …. a now footless …..Alcoholics Anonymous)
PS If the bright spark who thought this one up has any more clever ideas – just a word
of advice – KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF!
