We
continue to get mails from members new to AA who've had the
misfortune to be 'welcomed' into the fellowship by the cult. The key
characteristics of cult arrogance are usually present: a dogmatic
attitude towards recovery, dismissive of people who relapse,
threatening, idolisation of 'personalities', sexist attitudes,
discriminatory conduct towards those suffering from depression,
bigoted and so on..... none of it particularly attractive!
Our
responses (edited to preserve anonymity) to the member on the
receiving end of this appalling conduct:
“From
what you say your ex-sponsor is simply a bully – and a pretty
uninformed one at that! Relapse is pretty common in AA (although
clearly not recommended) – either pre-joining the fellowship or
afterwards. And if it was all about 'choice' we really wouldn't need
AA at all would we! As to whether you're ready or not to take the
steps that's your decision not hers. We're aware of only one
qualification for taking them (and it's written down in the Big Book,
Chapter Five, How it Works) ie. “if you want what we have and are
willing to go to any lengths” etc (“any lengths” being
determined by you and not by anyone else). If you don't feel that
you're ready then you're not ready – end of! Again as to whether
you're an alcoholic or not – guess what? That's up to you not her!
As for you being a [member of a particular religion] AA is not
affiliated with any sect, denomination, etc. This statement is read
out at the beginning of every AA meeting. Your spiritual/religious
path is your business not hers. (By the way one of the aacultwatch
team members is [of the same denomination] and has been sober nearly
thirty years so you're in good company!)
Perhaps
you might count yourself fortunate to have been given such a clear
example on how NOT TO carry the AA message by cult members. It'll
stand you in good stead in the future when you help others. If you've
got good groups in your area where people don't feel it's their right
to abuse you then stick with them and give the others a miss. AA's
full of decent men and women who've got better things to do than try
and run other people's lives. They're called 'grown ups', and they
know how to act in a responsible and respectful fashion.
For our
part we steer well clear of the 'personalities' in AA. We suspect
that they don't possess much in a way of a 'personality' in the first
place. They're undoubtedly insecure and need the adulation of others
in order to feel some sense of self-worth. They're over-compensating
perhaps! It's sad really.
You'll
undoubtedly find people in AA who will care for you and who won't
waste their time judging whether you're doing it right or not.
They're called friends – and that's what our fellowship is all
about really.”
and:
“We're sorry to hear about your bad experiences with
cult members. What you describe is entirely characteristic of their
conduct – nice and friendly on the outside but when you get past
the surface appearance everything changes – especially when it
comes to their brand of so-called 'sponsorship'. If you haven't
already then we strongly recommend you read the AA pamphlet on the
subject: Questions and Answers on Sponsorship. You will find nothing in there (or in
any other AA literature) which remotely suggests that sponsors have
the right to order people about or pass such judgements on them or
indeed engage in shaming or abusive behaviour – which is what
you've been on the receiving end of. We hope that this has not put
you off AA itself. Most people, by and large, simply want to be
helpful. Sometimes they do overstep the mark but this is usually
through error rather than according to some misshapen interpretation
of our fellowship and programme..... Either way we hope you stick
with AA and your own recovery. Don't be put off by a few idiots –
because that's precisely what they are”
Cheers
The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics
Anonymous)
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