Extract
from old aacultwatch forum:
“Hi
….... and thanks for raising this topic as it is quite emotive for
me..I was bussed out to my very first meeting from a treatment centre
in …..... and all I remember is not wanting to speak to anyone bar
the guys I was with and getting this particular act of torture over
with as quickly as possible...much to my delight no one came near
me (baseball cap down and f-off written on the top of it)...To my
utter disgust the rehab thought it might be good for me to go to 4 of
these pointless meetings a week..It didn't take long before I opened
up and started to get to know people and began the process of
listening...Once I'd left treatment I moved back to my home town and
started going to meetings on my own and this is where I noticed a
huge difference in approach..Some meetings I was left completely
alone..others I was welcomed warmly with polite inquires but one
stood out...at this one I was jumped on by about 4 guys as i walked
into the meeting..i was asked for my phone number without any
explanation of why??(I was scared and didn't know how AA worked..plus
a chronic people pleaser and unable to say no).. I was handed all
sorts of literature and asked if I had a sponsor...if not get one
quick at this meeting was the suggestion...The phone didn't stop
after that as I became fresh meat for the "call 2 newcomers"
a day check list. At first I loved this enthusiastic no nonsense
approach..no boring sharing..living in the solution not the problem.
I got a sponsor not from this meeting but from the same guys...What
happened afterwards was pretty ugly..The enthusiasm turned into
control..it was suggested i go to meetings that weren't sick...i was
told (not suggested) to get 2 home groups and to get there an hour
before they started..I was told not to share until I'd done my step 5
as I had nothing to say...when we started the steps 1 to 3 were done
in 15 minutes and then we did step 4 and 10 at the same time..step 10
was writing down any resentment as it came up...I now know of course
that this has got sweet fa to with step 10...I must call my sponsor
between 9am and 6pm every day and when I missed the call by 1/2 an
hour one night he refused to answer either call or txt...I was 2
months sober..The breaking point came when he turned up at the above
meeting to check whether I'd got there an hour before the start..I
couldn't because of work..he ignored me the whole evening then
proceeded to explain to me the next day that my behaviour was
unacceptable and that I only had a job because of AA...2 months sober
I'll remind you..26 years working in ….... with an unblemished
record...We parted company the next day and I stopped going to that
meeting soon after.. I had no idea it was all Vision for you...no one
told me especially my sponsor..I joined AA mainstream..got a sponsor
..started going to those "sick" meetings and have never
looked back...If I see someone I don't recognize at a meeting I will
go and say hello whether they are a newcomer or not...the hand of
friendship in AA shouldn't be offered with any preconditions..just a
polite hello can I help mate..not "I must get your number so I
can add you to my newcomer call list"...when it comes to sharing
I think you know my point of view..whatever keeps you
sober...including any cult sharing..nowt to do with me...the newcomer
will hear what the newcomer wants to hear period...I have found that
honesty and humility coupled with a genuine love for my fellow
sufferer and a willingness to help WHEN asked..are gifts from
God...not my sponsor.
Tough one
I know but my experience has taught me to treat any newcomer as a
fellow human first..fellow alcoholic second..I try and treat them
with the respect they deserve for making a brave and often terrifying
decision not from some position of false wisdom or morality...I argue
with my sponsor frequently and disagree with him often but with love
for each other in the fellowship of the spirit..that's it really.
Take care
and God Bless and keep you safe”
(our
edits)
Cheers
The Fellas
(Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)
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