Questions and Answers on Sponsorship (contd)

The AA (General Service conference approved) booklet: Questions and Answers on Sponsorship)

Extract:

“How can a sponsor handle an overdependent newcomer?

In the first days of sobriety, a newcomer is sometimes so bewildered and frightened — or so mentally fuzzy and physically weak — that he or she needs to be taken to each meeting and perhaps helped in making personal decisions. But such utter dependence on the sponsor, when carried past the earliest stages of recovery, often becomes damaging to both parties. It has already been pointed out that we stay sober through reliance on the A.A. program, not on any one member, so the newcomer’s chances in this situation may not be very good. And the sponsor may either feel harried by constant, unreasonable demands, or feel flattered and let the ego build up dangerously.

How can this dilemma be solved without leaving the newcomer disheartened? Many A.A.s, when first asked to sponsor, will have met with the newcomer and reviewed this pamphlet in an effort to avoid pitfalls. Most likely, the sponsor and newcomer will have discussed their commitments and agreed-upon expectations early in the relationship. The sponsor will also have encouraged the newcomer to talk to other A.A. Members with longer-term sobriety. Now might be the time for a heartfelt talk in which the sponsor again explains the importance of relying on the entire A.A. program, as well as their concern regarding the overdependence of the newcomer. If this conversation fails to provide a solution, the sponsor may offer to remain as a temporary sponsor until the newcomer can find a sponsor they feel more comfortable with.”

(our emphases)

Note particularly: “In the first DAYS of sobriety” - not the first YEARS..... Newcomers tend to get back on their feet pretty quickly.

AA members probably should read this pamphlet before even thinking about sponsoring or asking for a sponsor. Unfortunately in cult circles this particular piece of literature is regarded as something of an obstacle to their ego-driven, controlling style (as is Chapter 7, Working With Others) In fact in some cult meetings (eg. Hampton Wick Friday) newcomers are actively discouraged from consulting this piece of AA conference approved literature (see above). Clearly, from the above, the emphasis is very much on ensuring that the newcomer does not become dependent on any single AA member, an approach which entirely conflicts with the cult's elevation of the sponsor to Higher Power status. One only has to listen to some newcomers' sharing in meetings to recognise the degree of co-dependency (even downright bullying) that has been engendered by this perverse emphasis in cult circles. And isn't ALL sponsorship temporary?

But remember: a sponsor is NOT ESSENTIAL to recovery. And NO sponsorship is better by far than BAD sponsorship!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

(to be continued)