Firstly
…....DON'T PANIC! Most AA meetings are still safe to be
around, and most AA members only want to help you.... because helping
you helps them as well. So everyone's a winner! BUT.... and there's
always a BUT.....there are people associated with AA who aren't very
well, and have quite a different agenda. This article is intended to
help you spot these pitfalls and avoid them. Otherwise enjoy the
journey!
Membership
of AA
You
are a member of AA when you say you are. You don't have to prove to
anyone that you have a desire to stop drinking - or that you
“qualify” for membership in any way - or present a doctor's
certificate - or swear an affidavit or even fill in a form. You
decide …. end of! Similarly if you don't want to be a member of AA
any more? Guess what! It's your choice. If you say you're not a
member of AA then you're not a member of AA. Couldn't be simpler
could it!
Meetings
You
can attend any AA meeting you like (anywhere in the world) and go to
as few or as many as you wish – or even none at all. It's your
choice and no one else's. If a group places ANY restriction on you
attending a (closed) meeting (other than the fact that you meet the
self-determined membership requirement) then it's NOT AN AA MEETING.
Speaking
(“sharing”) at AA meetings
Any
member of AA can speak at an AA meeting (but one at a time –
otherwise it's gets a bit messy!). No one can censor what you say
(other than according to the criminal law of the country). You can
speak if you're one hour sober or a lifetime off the booze. That's
your choice – and no one else's! There are no qualifications for
“sharing” eg. you do not need to have 'done' the programme,
reached a certain step, have a sponsor etc in order to talk about
your experiences. And of course if you don't want to say a word you
don't have to. That's your business.
Money
You
can make a contribution to help pay for the expenses of running the
meeting and maybe towards other costs incurred by AA in “carrying
the message”. e.g. general service office, telephone service etc.
Or then again maybe you don't feel like giving – in which case you
don't have to. That's your choice. But at least don't take any money
OUT of the pot!
Service
You
can help out at meetings right from the start. But if you don't want
to and would rather just sit and listen (and share maybe) then you
can do that as well. Remember – that is YOUR choice! And no one
else's.
The
programme
Generally
this refers to Alcoholics Anonymous “suggested” 12 Step
programme. “Suggested” means advised. You may elect to follow
this advice. On the other hand you may not. Either way this is your
choice and …. NO ONE ELSE'S!
Experts
In
AA there are no 'experts', 'authorities' or 'bosses'. There are,
however, people who think they are! Study guides, work sheets etc
are entirely dispensable (including ours!) and none are provided by
AA. Circuit speakers, “personalities” (for want of a better
word) and gurus are merely the modern day equivalent of 'snake oil
purveyors'. If what they promise sounds too good to be true …
guess what! It probably is. Remember! While they're busy lecturing
the rest of us are just getting on with our lives. Beware of the
slick sales pitch because that's precisely what it is! All that glitters is not
gold! Or maybe it's just fool's gold! So why buy it!
Sponsorship
(see here for some ideas on the subject)
It
isn't essential or even necessary for recovery, and no sponsorship is
certainly better than bad sponsorship – and there's plenty of that
around. If you've stopped drinking and you're getting some insight
into your alcohol problem (and some possible solutions) then you're
ALREADY ON THE PROGRAMME... and you don't need confirmation from
anybody else as to whether you are or you aren't! Don't be in a
rush. You've got your whole life to get well and it's better to lay
sure foundations now than rush ahead only to have to retrace your
steps later. Again if anyone claims they can show you the way to
overnight success then remember what we said about it sounding too
good to be true. It is!
If
you do decide you want a sponsor (and that's your choice not theirs)
then here are some things to look out for:
If
someone offers to sponsor you (temporary or otherwise) they may have
good intentions … or then again they may be control freaks looking
for another victim. If in doubt DON'T take up the offer. Take your
time and when you have got to know someone (and are confident they
are NOT A CONTROL FREAK) then YOU MAY choose to ask them. Take the
initiative and remain in control.
Don't
give your phone number out to anyone who asks. They may offer their
number to you – that's up to them. Again wait until you've got to
know somebody before handing over this information. You have the
right to privacy.
If,
having got a sponsor, you find that they are trying to control any
aspect of your life eg. relationships, medical treatment (including
medication), therapy (eg. counselling), finances, relationships
(sexual or otherwise), employment, dress code (No! We're not kidding
here!), which meetings you attend, what time you contact them etc
then you have by definition lumbered yourself with a control freak.
This is not sponsorship. This is someone playing God! Again …
DON'T PANIC – unlumber yourself forthwith... and then it's back to
the drawing board! Don't blame yourself for the decision. Put it
down to experience and move on.
The
same guidelines apply with groups. Most AA meetings are run by
members who are there simply to help. They will share their
experience, strength and hope with you but the rest is your
responsibility. But some meetings are run by groups of people (we
call them cults) who want to run your life. Don't let them. Again
don't be fooled by appearances. Some of these operations are quite
slick and appear impressive. But again … look out for fool's
gold. The fake stuff gleams just as prettily but just try and cash
it in!
REMEMBER:–
You
DON'T have to put up with bullying! You're worth more than that
You
DON'T need your life run for you by someone else. That's YOUR
responsibility
You
have the RIGHT to THINK FOR YOURSELF. Don't let anyone try and
undermine that
You
have the RIGHT to FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION – don't let anyone try and
stifle that
Your
HIGHER POWER is your choice – no one else's
It's
YOUR PROGRAMME OF RECOVERY that counts! Not theirs!
And
finally - we did not escape the tyranny of alcoholism simply to be
subjugated by another alcoholic. Freedom is the magic word!
Have
fun! (and that IS a suggestion!)
Cheerio
The
Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)
