Narcissists - AA's got some - and a lot of them become cult sponsors. How to deal with them!

And of course there's always the “walk away” option!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

Narcissism (contd)

Narcissism: a problem endemic within Alcoholics Anonymous

Development and Validation of the Single Item Narcissism Scale (SINS), Konrath S, Meier BP, Bushman BJ, August 05, 2014 DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0103469

Extract from the above study:

“Introduction

Some individuals think they are great and special people who should be admired and respected by others. Such people are often called “narcissists.” The term narcissism comes from the mythical Greek character Narcissus, who fell in love with his own image reflected in the water. In the extreme, narcissism can be a clinical disorder [1], however, it is also widely studied as a personality trait in non-clinical populations [2]. The narcissistic personality is characterized by inflated views of the self, grandiosity, self-focus, vanity, and self-importance [3]. Narcissistic individuals have an exceptionally positive view of themselves, and the narcissistic personality is associated with a complex configuration of intrapersonal and interpersonal outcomes [4]. As outlined below, there are many scientific puzzles in the area of narcissism research and a single-item measure of narcissism would give scholars a practical tool that could be used to obtain a better understanding of this trait. 

On the one hand, narcissism is associated with some positive intrapersonal outcomes. For example, people scoring higher in narcissism are high in creativity [5], happiness [6], and self-esteem [7], [8], and low in anxiety [9], [10] and depression [10], [11].

On the other hand, narcissism is associated with many negative outcomes such as being prone to defensive and self-protective strategies. When narcissistic people are faced with threats to their self-worth, concepts of worthlessness are immediately activated, and then quickly suppressed [12]. In addition, after receiving negative evaluations they are likely to see problems with the evaluation technique or the evaluator rather than reflect on how to improve [13]. Narcissistic people also have difficulty maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships [14], [15], perhaps because of their relatively low empathy [16], [17] and low commitment to relationship partners [18]. Narcissists believe they are entitled to the admiration and respect of others, and, when they do not get it, they become angry and aggressive [19], [20], [21], [22].

Scholars have tried to reconcile these striking disparities by trying to understand the underlying dynamics of narcissistic cognition, affect, and motivation, within the context of their social interactions [4]. They argue that to fully understand narcissism, we must understand both the grandiose (or overt) and the vulnerable (or covert) aspects of it, and how these change depending on others' approval or disapproval.

Some scholars see the grandiose and vulnerable aspects as existing simultaneously within single individuals. They see narcissistic people as experiencing ongoing vacillations of extremes of self-worth that are dependent upon situations (e.g. success versus failure) and others' evaluations [4], [23]. Other scholars conceptualize two distinct types of narcissism, with different people leaning toward more grandiose (overt) versus more vulnerable (covert) types. Vulnerable and grandiose narcissism both involve feelings of grandiosity, high self-preoccupation, and a strong need for admiration, but vulnerable narcissists appear to be more shy and fragile, and often experience shame and worry that others might negatively evaluate them for their self-focus (see [24], or a review).

Some scholars argue that linking grandiose narcissism with overt qualities and vulnerable narcissism with covert qualities is erroneous, and that grandiose and vulnerable subtypes can both express themselves in overt and covert ways – yet these arguments seem to apply specifically to clinical populations [25]. Regardless of how these aspects of narcissism are specifically defined, the distinction between grandiosity and vulnerability is important because they measure more obvious versus less obvious ways of being narcissistic, respectively.”

Cheerio

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

Co-dependency and the narcissist – the 'sponsee/sponsor' relationship

(For co-dependent read 'cult sponsee'. For narcissist read 'cult sponsor')

“Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another.[1] It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.[2] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.[2] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.[2] Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.”

“Historically, the concept of codependence "comes directly out of Alcoholics Anonymous, part of a dawning realization that the problem was not solely the addict, but also the family and friends who constitute a network for the alcoholic."[3] It was subsequently broadened to cover the way "that the codependent person is fixated on another person for approval, sustenance, and so on."[3] As such, the concept overlaps with, but developed in the main independently from, the older psychoanalytic concept of the 'passive dependent personality' ... attaching himself to a stronger personality."[4]”

“Narcissists, with their ability to "get others to buy into their vision and help them make it a reality," are natural magnets for the "'co-dependent' ... [with] the tendency to put others' need before their own".[9] Sam Vaknin considered that codependents, as "the Watsons of this world, 'provide the narcissist with an obsequious, unthreatening audience ... the perfect backdrop.'"[10] Among the reciprocally locking interactions of the pair, are the way "the narcissist has an overpowering need to feel important and special, and the co-dependent has a strong need to help others feel that way. ... The narcissist overdoes self-caring and demands it from others, while the co-dependent underdoes or may even do almost no self-caring."[11]”

See also “Alcoholics Anonymous”, Ch 5, How It Works, pp. 60-62 (a near perfect description of your average cult sponsor):

“Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do?

The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.

What usually happens? The show doesn’t come off very well. He begins to think life doesn’t treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?

Our actor is self-centred—ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?

Selfishness—self-centredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help.

This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.“

See also Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions esp:

Step Three:

“No adult man or woman, for example, should be in too much emotional dependence upon a parent. They should have been weaned long before, and if they have not been, they should wake up to the fact.” [p. 38]

“Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God’s intention for us.” [p. 49]

Step Four:

“Nor is the quest for security always expressed in terms of money. How frequently we see a frightened human being determined to depend completely upon a stronger person for guidance and protection. This weak one, failing to meet life’s responsibilities with his own resources, never grows up. Disillusionment and helplessness are his lot. In time all his protectors either flee or die, and he is once more left alone and afraid.

We have also seen men and women who go power-mad, who devote themselves to attempting to rule their fellows. These people often throw to the winds every chance for legitimate security and a happy family life. Whenever a human being becomes a battleground for the instincts, there can be no peace.

But that is not all of the danger. Every time a person imposes his instincts unreasonably upon others, unhappiness follows. If the pursuit of wealth tramples upon people who happen to be in the way, then anger, jealousy, and revenge are likely to be aroused.

…....

When an individual’s desire for prestige becomes uncontrollable, whether in the sewing circle or at the international conference table, other people suffer and often revolt.

…....

We had to see that every time we played the big shot, we turned people against us.

…....

Of course the depressive and the power-driver are personality extremes, types with which A.A. and the whole world abound.

…....

The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self-centred behaviour blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.” [pp. 43-53]

Step Twelve:

“After we come into A.A., if we go on growing, our attitudes and actions toward security—emotional security and financial security—commence to change profoundly. Our demand for emotional security, for our own way, had constantly thrown us into unworkable relations with other people. Though we were sometimes quite unconscious of this, the result always had been the same. Either we had tried to play God and dominate those about us, or we had insisted on being overdependent upon them. Where people had temporarily let us run their lives as though they were still children, we had felt very happy and secure ourselves. But when they finally resisted or ran away, we were bitterly hurt and disappointed. We blamed them, being quite unable to see that our unreasonable demands had been the cause.

When we had taken the opposite tack and had insisted, like infants ourselves, that people protect and take care of us or that the world owed us a living, then the result had been equally unfortunate. This often caused the people we had loved most to push us aside or perhaps desert us entirely. Our disillusionment had been hard to bear. We couldn’t imagine people acting that way toward us. We had failed to see that though adult in years we were still behaving childishly, trying to turn everybody—friends, wives, husbands, even the world itself—into protective parents. We had refused to learn the very hard lesson that over-dependence upon people is unsuccessful because all people are fallible, and even the best of them will sometimes let us down, especially when our demands for attention become unreasonable.

….....

If we really depended upon God, we couldn’t very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care.

…......

We were still trying to find emotional security by being dominating or dependent upon others. Even when our fortunes had not ebbed that much and we nevertheless found ourselves alone in the world, we still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy kind of domination or dependence.

….....

True leadership, we find, depends upon able example and not upon vain displays of power or glory” [pp. 115-124]

(our emphases in bold print)

Comment: No wonder this text (together with the AA pamphlet Questions and Answers on Sponsorship) is so unpopular in cult circles! Cuts too close to the bone we think!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A problem identified early on in the history of AA as being particularly prevalent amongst the membership. The more extreme manifestations of this type have now organised themselves within the fellowship. We call them “the cult”. They may be manifest in many forms – Visions, Joys of Recovery, Primary Purpose, Back to Basics, Pacific Group but they all have one common feature: narcissistic personality disorder.

“Dr. Harry M. Tiebout. M.D. (Therapeutic Mechanism of Alcoholics Anonymous, The American Journal of Psychiatry, January 1944). 

“Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. While these characteristics are found in other maladjustments, they appear in relatively pure culture in alcoholic after alcoholic. In a careful study of a series of cases, Sillman reported that he felt he could discern the outlines of a common character structure among problem drinkers and that the best terms he could find for the group of qualities noted was ‘defiant individuality’ and ‘grandiosity’. In my opinion these words were accurately chosen… … … This experience I label for want of a better term, a ‘psychological awakening.’… … … In retrospect, it is apparent that the patient became aware of his basic ego centricity. For the first time he was able to penetrate behind the façade of his rationalisations and defence reactions and to see that always hitherto he had put himself first. He was literally unaware that other souls existed except insofar as they affected him… … … While one can question the permanence of this new pattern, there can be no question as to the fact that the experience itself occurred…. … … The narcissistic component in the character is submerged, at least for the time being… … Regardless of his final conception of that power, unless the individual attains in the course of time a sense of the reality and nearness of a Greater Power, his egocentric nature will re- assert itself with undiminished intensity, and drinking will again enter into the picture…” (Extracts) (AA Comes of Age, Appendix E:b, page 309-317)”

http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/red-flags-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-compiled-by-jeni-mawter 

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous) 

PS Our thanks to the member who drew this media to our attention

aacultwatch forum daily reflections

Extracts from our forum: http://forums.delphiforums.com/aacultwatch under thread: “aacultwatch forum daily reflections”

“Extract from the “Therapeutic Mechanism of Alcoholics Anonymous”, by Dr. Harry M. Tiebout. M.D. The American Journal of Psychiatry, January 1944:

“Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. While these characteristics are found in other maladjustments, they appear in relatively pure culture in alcoholic after alcoholic. In a careful study of a series of cases, Sillman reported that he felt he could discern the outlines of a common character structure among problem drinkers and that the best terms he could find for the group of qualities noted was ‘defiant individuality’ and ‘grandiosity’. In my opinion these words were accurately chosen… … … This experience I label for want of a better term, a ‘psychological awakening.’… … … In retrospect, it is apparent that the patient became aware of his basic ego centricity. For the first time he was able to penetrate behind the façade of his rationalisations and defence reactions and to see that always hitherto he had put himself first. He was literally unaware that other souls existed except insofar as they affected him… … … While one can question the permanence of this new pattern, there can be no question as to the fact that the experience itself occurred…. … … The narcissistic component in the character is submerged, at least for the time being… … Regardless of his final conception of that power, unless the individual attains in the course of time a sense of the reality and nearness of a Greater Power, his egocentric nature will re- assert itself with undiminished intensity, and drinking will again enter into the picture…” (AA Comes of Age, Appendix E:b, page 309-317)

“Good service leaders together with sound and appropriate methods of choosing them are at all levels indispensable for our future functioning and safety.” – Bill W. 1962 (Concept IX)

“Some will be willing to term themselves ‘problem drinkers’ but cannot endure the suggestion that they are in fact mentally ill” (Step Two, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions page 33)

“Jud O., who came into A.A. in 1939, recalled, ‘If there were any alcoholics who happened to get near the Akron area, they always tried to arrange to see Bob Smith.” (Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers page 230)

“As if to illustrate the danger, Jud O. noted that in 1969 he picked up a drink one week before his 30th anniversary… … ‘Jud? He was the rock of Gibraltar,’ said Kate P..” (Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers page 290)

“..but getting straightened out was the hardest thing I ever did. It took me three years. On the other hand, it convinced other people that the original idea was correct: No matter how long you don’t drink, the next one is right round the corner. It never lets you go. Dr. Bob was right: ‘The first one will get you.’ ” – Jud O. (Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers page 291)

“It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on out laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” 1939 (Alcoholics Anonymous “Big Book” page 87)”

Cheerio

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

Conference Questions (2012) forum discussion (contd)

Committee No. 3

Question 2:

“Would the Fellowship review and re-affirm what constitutes an AA Group, within the Fellowship in Great Britain with specific reference to Traditions 4 - 6?

Background

The Traditions

Preamble

Concepts

Consider the contribution to the carrying of the message, financial and practical implications when deliberating each question.”

Extract:

“For some typical alcoholics who have not yet got to grips with the deeper revelations of their malady in Step Five, Love and Service can be rationalised into nonsense. Love and Service can simply be viewed as a means by which the alcoholic can gain personal power and prestige within the fellowship; sometimes money. With this in mind, I suggest AA groups read the following out loud when electing group leaders.

“Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. While these characteristics are found in other maladjustments, they appear in relatively pure culture in alcoholic after alcoholic. In a careful study of a series of cases, Sillman reported that he felt he could discern the outlines of a common character structure among problem drinkers and that the best terms he could find for the group of qualities noted was ‘defiant individuality’ and ‘grandiosity’. In my opinion these words were accurately chosen. Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man nor God. He, the alcoholic, is and must be master of his own destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position.” (Dr. Harry M. Tiebout. Extract from Appendix E:b, AA Comes of Age, page 311)

“Good Service leaders, together with sound and appropriate methods of choosing them, are at all levels indispensable for our future functioning and safety.” (Extract from Concept IX)

Reaffirmation of what constitutes an AA group should be firmly set within the context of AA Traditions, Concepts and guidelines. They facilitate Love and Service. A cart can’t come before the horse. Our common welfare should come first. Guardianship is part of Love and Service.

“This means that all of us--AA as a whole--are now entirely ready to take over full guardianship of the AA Traditions that guarantee our unity in time to come, and also to take complete charge of those World Services which are the means by which we function as an entire Fellowship, and from which radiate our principal life-lines to those millions all over the globe who still need AA.” (Bill W. “The Significance of St. Louis” AA Grapevine April 1955, The Language of the Heart page 141)

Each AA member is entrusted with the responsibility to be a guardian of the fellowship. When some people talk of service these days I’m not sure if they appreciate that service in an AA group is also AA World Service. This comes with duties and responsibilities to AA as a whole; to guard against misuse of the AA name and to support AA services beyond their group. Group leaders, as AA World Service workers, are trusted with delegated authority to operate the group within AA Traditions, Concepts and guidelines. According to Tradition nine, they are directly responsible (accountable) to those they serve. This service and accountability is two way since they serve both the AA group and AA World Service. In other words, AA group leaders are directly accountable to the intergroup conscience as well as their own group conscience. Hence Tradition four states “Each Group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole.” The meaning of this Tradition cannot be broken in two to make “Each group is autonomous.” “

Cheerio

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

Mars landing! One small step for Wayne!

Well we don't propose to discuss further Wayne P's current circumnavigation of the solar system. However In his latest offering (via the unendorsed Road to Recovery (Plymouth) cult group website) an act of contrition is almost presented, but then undermined by some rather bizarre posturing! Something along the lines of: “Well I shot myself in the foot but then hobbled on regardless (sounds like a good title for a Carry On film!) undeterred by my act of extreme stupidity(?), and moreover rendered (apparently) all the more heroic for it!” More interestingly though this rather rambling piece is illustrative of the controlling (and spiritually debilitating) sponsorship system which underscores the cult's philosophy(?). We discover that Wayne “took the steps (?) 24 years ago” so on that basis we'd have to assume somebody in their fifties or sixties. During this time he has been accompanied by a sponsor “With an arm around my shoulder or a boot up my ass”, this poor unfortunate apparently doomed to a lifetime of keeping (rather unsuccessfully - and whilst hopping on one foot presumably!)) Wayne on the straight and narrow (ie. the Road of Happy Destiny). Now this does rather beg the question: Why would any adult require such supervision? It might be understandable if one were dealing with a juvenile delinquent or a more than slightly truculent teenager. But someone in their fifties? Surely not! The law, certainly, regards someone of this age to be capable of making sound decisions, and of possessing a capacity to distinguish between right and wrong; in other words of acting both judiciously and ethically. However the main impact of the cult sponsorship system (some of whose unhealthy tendencies are seeping into AA) is to render impotent the sponsee, curtail their faculty of judgement, absolve them from the exercise of responsibility, and moreover separate them from the full consequences of their actions (as in “My sponsor said...”, “My sponsor told me....”, “I always do what my sponsor....” and so on). Thus they are trapped in a cycle of futile dependency, and are quite unable to function apparently without reference to this font of all wisdom, their All-Powerful, All-Seeing and All-Knowing sponsor. As for the deleterious impact on the latter this is patently obvious. The relationship simply serves to pander to their craving for power and turns a budding control freak into an egocentric monster (see narcissism)... eg. David B, David C, Clancy I, Mike Q …..and sundry other 'big fish' swimming around (in circles) in little ponds! Both Bill W and Dr Bob warned of the dangers of “sponsor worship” and “unhealthy dependency”, an admonition which the cult have clearly elected to ignore in pursuit of their own twisted agenda. Their notions of sponsorship err at best towards sentimentalism as they adopt a patronising even proprietorial attitude to their 'charges' (e.g. my sponsee, or even worse my “pigeon” (the latter widely regarded in Britain as a type of 'flying rat')), and at worst towards the sinister as in Joe McQ's comment about 'sponsorees' [sic]: 
 

“But an alcoholic can do just about anything you make her do. If you insist that she do certain things, she’ll get them done” and so on in a similar vein.

Far from encouraging the individual to develop a relationship with a Greater Power of “their understanding” he or she is offered instead an all-too-frail and transient human version, and this despite the clear warning to the contrary:

“Probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism” (BB. Chapter 5)

The second rate here is offered as if there were no choice when in fact in real life (or for adults at least!) there are ALWAYS choices, some of which though we'd rather not make!  And they are OUR choices - not someone else's!

Facts: There is NO mention of either sponsorship, sponsees or sponsors in the Big Book, in the preamble, in the steps or in the traditions (and as far as we know in the Concepts either). The word “sponsee” (or indeed “sponsoree”) will not be found in any dictionary.

But if you're absolutely determined to get a sponsor at least have the good sense to do a bit of research. Firstly see here: Questions and Answers on Sponsorship.

Next - there's no rush! Sponsorship is NOT one of the essentials of recovery! But honesty is!

Finally - don't be too easily impressed. The following can easily be dispensed with: circuit speakers, Big Book 'experts', the local guru (no matter how prettily they speak!), anyone who's been immortalised on audio media (CDs and the rest), members who are apparently almost orgasmic with gratitude ALL of the time, the "misery is optional" brigade, service bores, religious nutters, sponsor obsessives, and all other sundry emotional manipulators. On the other hand maybe the following might be worth a second look: boring people who are just getting on with it, raising kids, going to work and all that routine kind of stuff, who don't make speeches, and just tell their story without any big fanfare or fuss!

Cheerio

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS We've recently heard (via our reporter from the Canterbury (Kent) cult convention) that sponsors should now be regarded as “Godfathers”! Can we take it from this that we are all shortly to be made “an offer we can't refuse” by someone who bears a marked resemblance to an overweight hamster with a serious speech impediment? And by the way …. look out for the horse's head!

Cult leader - narcissist?

Take the test and see if you've got what it takes to become a cult leader!

Remember the essentials! Honesty, willingness and open-mindedness

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/narcissistic.htm

Cheerio

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

Childish and grandiose – or merely narcissistic? A cult member profile

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Individuals with this Cluster B personality disorder have an excessive sense of how important they are. They demand and expect to be admired and praised by others and are limited in their capacity to appreciate others' perspectives.

Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

(4) requires excessive admiration

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Reprinted with permission from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth Edition, Copyright 1994 American Psychiatric Association.

Happy Dennis departs reality almost completely!

Yes – this is the latest response from the Happy One to South Middlesex IG's letter (see below) – the chap seems to have been so far rocketed into another dimension that he has almost exited the galaxy completely! And so....

“Dear All, I pray that all at Intergroup and all who might read this, are happy, healthy, joyous and free, and enjoying all the beauty of this God given sober life.

I regularly attend the wonderful meetings at Bayham Road and Green Man Lane. I find them all tremendous, all carrying the beautiful Big Book message, in line with our tremendous Traditions, in fact I find all the lovely meetings in Ealing do the same thing, in fact I find all meetings I go to are aiming to carry our beautiful message of recovery, whether this be in other parts of London, other parts of the U.K., Ireland or other places in Europe.Why not come along to some of the meetings at both these lovely venues, like meetings everywhere they are fantastic. Look forward to seeing you there, or at other meetings in our lovely Intergroup or meetings elsewhere.

Anyway God bless you all, you are all always in my prayers, and may we pray that AA does happily and healthily grow and glow, God bless, Dennis.”

Comment: The medical term for his condition we believe is “barking” - or perhaps narcissist! There's a lot of them about in the cult! See following:

Hotchkiss' seven deadly sins of narcissism:

Hotchkiss identified what she called the seven deadly sins of narcissism:

1. Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.

2. Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.

3. Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.

4. Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person's ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.

5. Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favourable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an "awkward" or "difficult" person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.

6. Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.

7. Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist there is no boundary between self and other.

(Hotchkiss, Sandy & Masterson, James F. Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism (2003)

This all sounds very familiar!

Over to South Middlesex IG

Cheerio

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

(our usual thanks to our reporter)