A few more meetings perhaps to ask questions about....

BERKSHIRE

Newbury: Design for Living
Sunday 11.00 Greenham Community Centre, Nightingales, off Greenham Rd

This group is explicitly affiliated with the Wimbledon Design for Living group (this is indicated on the group's website together with other tradition-busting information – see the aacultwatch forum for some comments on the group)

OXFORDSHIRE

Oxford: Warneford Hospital
Thursday 19.30 McKinnes Room, Warneford Hospital, Old Rd, Headington

Our reporter tells us: “Fellas, Keep an eye on this meeting. I was informed that a lady with links to the Toddington Primary Purpose group has taken on secretary and has already after 4 weeks started the nonsense. "if any one wants a spiritual experience, see me and I can arrange one in a weekend!!!!" only her primary pals doing the chair etc. This old established meeting within a mental hospital sometimes has students attending as part of their studies (a long standing agreement). In the last 2 years lots of oldtimers have died or moved on, illness etc and it seems ripe for a cult takeover. Imagine if you will, the cult making merry in the city of spires having access to all those aspiring bright young medical students.”.

Yep we can imagine!!

SUFFOLK

Ipswich: Primary Purpose
Saturday 19.15 All Hallows Church Hall, Landseer Rd

This group boasts its very own website (with its very own logo) but does not carry the usual statement of non-affiliation, endorsement etc. It does however carry links to the official AA website as well as referring to itself as an Alcoholics Anonymous Primary Purpose Group. Perhaps some kind of hybrid! Who knows!

And then there was Hampton Wick.....

MIDDLESEX

Hampton Wick: How It Works Beginners
Friday 19.00 St Edward's Day Centre, Sons of Devine Providence, 13 Lower Teddington Rd

Hampton Wick: How It Works Big Book Step
Friday Meeting 20.30 (address - as above)

Bog standard cult group straight off the Joys of Recovery template!

Note: The above meetings should be carefully distinguished from the Monday and Thursday meetings held at the same venue. These latter are actually the real thing ie. AA meetings!

Our reporter comments: "Happened to be in the Kingston area and decided to nip over the river to check out the local "Beginners meeting". I carried an ample supply of anti-nausea medication about my person (as prescribed under the direction of my GP!) just in case. It turns out I was well advised and popped pills constantly during the course of the meeting but even then it was a close run thing! There were about 60 in attendance (numbers don't mean much in cult meetings by the way. They tend to have a larger than normal catchment area and of course it is "suggested" to any newcomer falling into their clutches that they should avoid those "sick" AA meetings - hence the large congregations). There was the usual slick presentation with the faithful arrayed in neat rows facing the table behind which the secretary and "chair" were positioned. Prompt sheets were duly read and as this was taking place I cast my eye around the room checking out the décor. There was an array of slogans on the wall behind the top table some of which I recognised eg. "Happy, Joyous and Free" and of course that classic piece of misinformation "Misery is Optional". Otherwise there was nothing of any great moment. The crew similarly were of a pretty standard mix though with a preponderance of younger age groups - but then they're easier meat when it comes to cult tactics! The chair got under way. After a bit of "my sponsor this" and "my sponsor that" I kind of zoned out and waited for the denouement. Finally I was awakened from my semi-comatose state as the secretary said their bit and thereafter followed a succession of what can only be described as performances. Now I'm not averse to good show myself but these simply lacked any kind of originality or even drama. It was a mixture of patronising condescension along the lines of "Haven't you done well" and "You've changed so much since I first met you" and so on "ad nauseam" with a good measure of compliance thrown in as well. Clearly the gang approved "the turn" and the "prospect's" position in the group seemed to be secured for another day. Didn't they do well! Ten out of ten! etc etc. My boredom threshold has always been notoriously low and again I found myself drifting off into some well tried and tested fantasies. Now here's a Vision For You! Before my mind's eye I saw David B and David C (two prominent figures in the cult movement) and I found myself asking the two of them if they wished a blindfold for they were positioned directly before a firing squad with ME IN CHARGE.... fortunately for my spiritual condition I roused myself from my dream state and returned to the meeting. It occurred to me then that I had hardly heard the words "God" or "Higher Power" mentioned in the meeting whereas the expression "sponsor" seemed to feature with monotonous regularity. I thought it might be fun (and even serve to keep me awake!) if I counted the instances of these thereafter. My count for the former two was four - God: 3 Higher Power: 1. When it came to "sponsor" however I'm afraid that yet again my attention deficit caught up with me but I must have been well into the forties or fifties before I drifted off again. At the end of this production the usual exit lines were said and of course "sponsorship" was mentioned again - just in case any one might have missed it! Apparently in this group there's something called a "sponsorship coordinator" - or two "somethings" for there is one for the boys and one for the girls. I far as I could gather anybody sufficiently well indoctrinated could approach one of these and get themselves signed up. Daringly the secretary even mentioned the fact that there was a booklet on the subject called Questions and Answers on Sponsorship (AA conference approved literature) but they as quickly dismissed this as an inferior option to the group's very own version - the aforementioned "coordinators". This was probably a good move on their part because it would never do to have newcomers getting all confused. They'd have a hell of a time trying to find that bit about "Do exactly what your sponsor tells you" in that or any other piece of AA literature. Finally we were told that there would be a half hour break before the next show started - the Big Book Step meeting. By this time the medication was really kicking in and I had become very disoriented. The word "sponsor" kept booming in my head and I knew I had to get out of there fast. As bad luck would have it it was one of those meetings where you had to hold hands and play at being "unified". I did and tried desperately to pretend that I was "happy, joyous and free" although I found it made my teeth hurt a lot. Finally ....finally I managed to drag my hands away from my respective gaolers and fled headlong from the meeting into the cool clear air of the night. I can tell you one thing for sure - in the whole land you would not have found a more grateful alcoholic than me at that precise moment - I WAS FREE!!

Post script. Some little time has passed when I attended that meeting and I have been getting treatment for PTSD (or post traumatic stress disorder) ever since. My team of clinicians have assured me that I will make a full RECOVERY though they did say it was touch and go for a while! But never say DIE and in the true kamikaze spirit I am quite resolved to see the job through and go back just to see if I can withstand an entire cult Big Book Step meeting in one go. I may go for the full sedation option though but I'm quite sure I can bluff it with the best of them. I've even come up with an improvement on Step Three which I'm sure they'll love (though I think someone else has already come up with the idea):

Cult step 3: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the direction of our SPONSOR"

What do you think? Will they go for it?

Regards Anon”

Note: We will shortly be introducing an equivalent Cult: Where to Find for the United States. This is in response to the increasing numbers of emails we have been receiving from our American cousins relating to cult activities in their neck of woods (most notably the above mentioned Primary Purpose franchise which derives principally from the Dallas PPG).

Cheerio

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS Our usual thanks to our AA contributors