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Extract from our forum: http://forums.delphiforums.com/aacultwatch under thread: “TLM in Alanon UK?”
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The following extracts from Joe McQ’s “Carry This Message – A
Guide to Big Book Sponsorship” disturb me because A.A. sponsors do
not have a right to pressure, teach, coerce or discipline newcomers.
We are all equals in A.A. A newcomer to A.A. has an equal status to
his/her sponsor. A.A. sponsors simply share their experience strength
and hope with newcomers on a basis of mutual need. Whether or not a
newcomer decides to take the steps and when, where, how, and with
whom, is entirely up to them to decide for themselves and it is not
for anyone else to decide for them. The A.A. program is based purely
on attraction. I think the influence of Joe’s McQ’s sponsorship
guide has a lot to do with newcomers leaving A.A. and it has a lot to
do with the associated bad press which accuses A.A. of cult-like
behaviour. I find the following extracts from Joe McQ’s book
disturbing because they give any power driven narcissist a green
light to go and find someone to bully and control. They are the exact
opposite values to the equality given to every A.A. member that is
expressed in A.A. literature concerning sponsorship.
Extracts
from “Carry This Message – A Guide to Big Book Sponsorship” by
Joe McQ published 1990, August House Inc:
“There
wasn’t as much pressure- there wasn’t such a desperate need –
to coerce him or her into thoroughly working the steps.” (page 3)
“Without
the ‘coercion’ of being sold on these ideas, we have the
phenomenon of people doing strange things like taking one step a
year…” (page 4)
“As
sponsors we know, there are certain things we require of a sponsoree
[sic] … … … he has to carry out his assignments and do the
things you ask him to do” (page 25).
“… … we
are working with an undisciplined person. Assignments should be
given, and the sponsor should make it clear to the person that
assignments have to be done by a specific time…..there are certain
things we require of a sponsoree… … He has to carry out his
assignments and do the things you ask him to do … … Dr. Bob said
‘Get down on your knees.’ And they took step 3… … But an
alcoholic can do just about anything you make her do. If you insist
that she do certain things, she’ll get them done. She has to go
from the undisciplined to the disciplined… … At our treatment
centre, Serenity Park, we require all the clients get a sponsor
within the third week… The sponsor teaches discipline… …
everything is working on this undisciplined person… …. An
undisciplined person may fight discipline, but it has to be enforced
to help the person….” (pages, 26, 27)
"You
can’t just say to the sponsoree ‘go start on your inventory’
because it might take him a month, maybe two. Create a schedule by
saying something like, ‘We are going to work on resentments for two
days’ then do the other inventories similarly, with a schedule for
each one which doesn’t allow the sponsoree to skimp, but moves him
or her along at a good pace….”(Step Four assignment).
"You
need to move your sponsoree along pretty fast…. but you need to
keep the sponsoree busy and keep her moving… you should just move
him right on through them bam, bam, bam, bam. Keep the momentum…..”
(page 65)
“Remember
that all the people in our fellowship groups are not really
alcoholics… … … They aren’t really alcoholics – because an
alcoholic can’t do that. They don’t usually stay; they just come
in an out of our fellowship. But they don’t have a message to
share…..” (page 65)
Contrary
to Joe McQ’s sponsorship, there are absolutely no requirements to
AA membership other than a desire to stop drinking. No AA sponsor has
the authority to say to a newcomer that he/she ‘has’ to do
anything. There is no requirement for a newcomer to take the steps in
any conventional sense or to have a sponsor, as Bill W. is quoted
below: “All people having an alcohol problem who wish to get rid of
it and make a happy adjustment to their lives, become A.A. members by
simply associating with us. Nothing but sincerity is asked of
anyone.”
“For
example, The Twelve Steps of our AA program are not crammed down
anybody’s throat. They are not sustained by any human authority.”
(Bill W. Extract, “Rules’ Dangerous but Unity vital” The Language of the Heart p 8. AA
Grapevine September 1945)
“One
of the great insights Dr. Bob and I shared was that all true
communication must be founded on mutual need. Never could we talk
down to anyone, certainly not another alcoholic. We saw that each
sponsor would have to admit his own needs, as clearly as those of his
prospect. Here was the foundation of A.A.’s Twelfth Step to
recovery, the Step in which we carry the message.” (Bill W. 1953,
extract, ‘The Language of the Heart’; The Language of the Heart p
247)
“I
was no longer a teacher or a preacher.” Bill W. (Bill W. extract, A Fragment of History: Origin Of The Twelve Steps, AA Grapevine
July 1953, The Language of the Heart p 199)
“You
see, our talk was a completely mutual thing “I had quit preaching,
I knew I needed this alcoholic as much as he needed me.” (Bill W.
Alcoholics Anonymous Come of Age p 70)
“History
has shown that whatever their several merits, neither preaching nor
moralizing has ever made much impression on alcoholics as a whole.”
(Bill W. Extract’ On the Alcoholism Front’ AA Grapevine March 1958, The Language of
the Heart p186)
“4.
It was discovered that all forms of coercion, both direct and
indirect, had to be dropped. We found that ‘checking’ in the
hands of amateurs too often resulted in criticism, and that resulted
in resentment, which is probably the most serious problem the average
alcoholic is troubled with….
6
….. We can never say to anyone (or insinuate) that he must agree to
our formula or be excommunicated. The atheist may stand up in an A.A.
meeting denying God, yet reporting how he has been helped in other
ways….
7.
In order to carry the principle of inclusiveness and tolerance still
further, we make no religious requirement of anyone. All people
having an alcohol problem who wish to get rid of it and make a happy
adjustment to their lives, become A.A. members by simply associating
with us. Nothing but sincerity is asked of anyone. In this
atmosphere the orthodox, unorthodox, and the unbeliever mix happily
and usefully together.” (Bill W. Extracts, letter 1940, Pass it On
p 171-173)
(our
edits)
Cheerio
The
Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics
Anonymous)
