AA Conference questions 2016 (contd)

Sundry committees and their various (proposed) deliberations

See here

Comment: Do please try and stay awake!

(nudges reader)

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

AA Conference questions 2016 (contd)

Committee 2 Q3 draft Chapter 12 Young Peoples Liaison Officer

Comment: Arguably the same points might be raised with regard to any demographic group – why not an Old People's Liaison Officer? Or an Unmarried Single Mother's Liaison Officer? .. And so it goes on – the progressive (or more accurately retrogressive) dissection of AA until …. well not much is left!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

How NOT to run an intergroup....

…. if in fact it can be called an intergroup …...

But which intergroup you say? Plymouth (Road to Recovery cult) Intergroup of course!  A 'master class' in corruption and incompetence .....

Our correspondent writes:

"Sunday 13th December.

An harmonious joke.

The typical Roads To Recovery agenda, moaning that their report hadn't been read out by region [South West] the previous weekend, and complete denial that their group is at fault.

A little known fact that in light of the theft, region are considering suspending Plymouth Intergroup. And part of the consideration depends upon a monetary donation to region. A year or so ago, as R-T-R weren't getting their own way they decided to by-pass region and send money straight to GSO as retaliation. Of course, what was given to Intergroup Mike M, who works for the …............, was gambled away! So region have turned tables on R-T-R, basically - you want to cover it up, then we'll see!
Roads had to go thru the motions of an in depth study of Tradition 3, which I'm sure was a great use of time for all who attended.

As is also a tradition of Plymouth Intergroup, the recent "Where to find" listings are wrong. The outgoing Share and Where to find, an incompetent, semi literate Roads member - Martin S - immediately blamed the printer. Of course, that's what printers do - they take the information given, change the lay out, alter the details and spelling, then print and deliver it! Well, apparently, that's what this printer does - it could possibly be Martin's fault.
It was discussed that in the 3 years of taking on this role, that there have been continuous errors, and that as Martin S is now rotating out, maybe a new printer could be found.
Martin S assured us that anyone else is "quadruple the price".
You get what you pay for.

You get what you vote in too.

Talking of which, there are many service vacancies at Plymouth Intergroup, one of which is the Vice Chair position. A non-R-T-R member had been put forward by their home group and attended the Sunday meeting. There was much discussion …...., as usual R-T-R voiced their objections, but the shocking point was the concerns raised by the Treasurer - a member of the same home group as the Vice Chair nominee, she seemed delighted to vote against the nomination. And, as the nominee was out of the room during the discussion and voting - it was with a certain distaste that the Treasurer elected herself (not allowing the Chair) to inform the nominee of the decision not to elect them.
What followed was an onslaught of castigation by R-T-R - offering advice to the nominee, then trying to vote them into an entirely different service position. The nominee declined any further service position with exceptionally good manners and grace, yet R-T-R continued to push and chip-away - until a GSR from another non-R-T-R group objected to the R-T-R members behaviour.

It also came to light that this years Plymouth Convention made a loss.
Can you guess which group the Convention Convener comes from?
Yes, it's Roads To Recovery! Setting the convention fund on a road to bankruptcy.
A third of the usual turn-out was reported back. It was previously just below the 300 mark, this year - 97 people attended.
A great deal of money was spent on raffle prizes, £150 and it made a £30 profit.
It had previously been decided when the last Convenor, a non-R-T-R member, held the post that Intergroup funds were NOT used for buying raffle prizes, and that the convention prizes would be made from donations by members.
However, times change.
R-T-R hypocrisy doesn't.
And, now that it's predominantly a Roads To Recovery convention, and they don't like any old crap - the purchase of prizes from Intergroup funds is allowed!
It was also discussed that a committee was formed, poised and ready for action should another (loss making?) convention be approved. I've heard of closing the stable door after the horse has bolted, but I've never encountered a situation of bricking up the stable to keep the horse in the barn - until today!

All in all, another, predictable, Roads dominated, back-stabbing, loss making Intergroup meeting. Roll on February 14th, when we get to do it all again!

As always
InTheKnow”

(our edits)

Comment: Couldn't have put it better ourselves!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS Thanks to our correspondent

AA Conference questions 2016 (contd)

For your delectation: 

Committee 1 Q3 Treatment Centre Visitors to AA Meetings Structure Handbook

Comment: Concerns have been raised before about the impact of treatment centre referrals but usually in terms of their connection with the introduction of abusive (directive) sponsorship styles which are on the increase in the fellowship (frequently conducted under the guise of so-called “tough love” ie bullying).

This particular section seems rather overly preoccupied with finances and protocol than more substantial issues. We're pretty sure that any new visitors will quickly latch onto the idea that someone's got to pay for the tea and biscuits etc … why not us? As for the “addict” label it's entirely accurate for an alcoholic to refer to themselves as an addict – that is precisely what they are. This seems something of a quibble and mostly the preoccupation of the 'pure bloods' who regard themselves as somewhat superior to your 'hybrid' members. But we all need someone to look down on don't we!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

AA Conference questions 2016

Yep! It's that time of year …. again! It's a good job someone emails us to jog our memories ..... it's not exactly the highpoint of our calendar featuring as it generally does just another catalogue of statements expounding the bleeding obvious ….

So we'll kick of with “Committee 1 Q1 Article Disability and Our Primary Purpose” (the latter phrase unfortunately having been appropriated by the Dallas Primary Purpose gang et al who've attempted to turn the Big Book into some kind of AA 'bible').

By and large mostly common sense (thereby falling into the above category) although the emphasis seems primarily directed towards the hearing impaired (or is it challenged?). Clearly it always helpful for someone who's either deaf or going deaf to be able to see the person who's doing the talking. Those meetings (fortunately rare) which seem to prefer to conduct their proceedings under cover of a perpetual dusk (ie. candle light - mostly run by tree huggers and frustrated Liberal Democrats) might like to bear that in mind. But it's not all doom and GLOOM (geddit!). Sometimes – if not frequently - not being able to hear what's said in a meeting can be a positive blessing. Just imagine not having to endure some Big Book nutter holding forth (usually inaccurately) on that tome or even worse yet another cult sponsorship freak banging on incessantly about how bloody wonderful their current guru is, and how they do EVERYTHING their sponsor tells them! Every cloud indeed has a silver …..

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS Thanks again to our friend for their timely reminder

'Quick fix' recovery!

“An AA member I've known for many years went through the same organised book study [Primary Purpose/Back to Basics] some years ago but more recently he was feeling very low and had begun distancing himself from the rooms. Knowing he had gone through the 'recovered' process, and having listened for a time I asked if unrealistic expectations could have anything to do with the way he was feeling, to which there was no reply. A few days later he messaged me to tell me that he had been thinking about what I had said and had concluded that he had been carrying unrealistic expectations. He had been expecting Nirvana, he had been set up to fail.

I'm not sure if you are aware but in this region the people who go through this recruitment process which is disguised as a book study do not have a sponsor at the end of it, they are told they will not need one because they will have God in their lives. If you think about it short term sponsorship in this way also makes way for those adept at recruitment to net the next batch of naive newcomers. Those who fall for all the hype will have been primed in meetings where they will hear of the man who showed them the way, and if you want what they have you have to do what they did. Short term quick fix solutions are also very well suited to rehab clinic business model where customers take up accommodation for approximately the same length of time it would take to complete the so called book study.

Some people see that celebrity status can be brought about by going it alone, without sticking closely to the core movement. I think when this snowball was rolled there was an intention of exact replication, you will often hear that 'precise, specific, clear cut directions' are to be followed. I imagine some people can't help but promote themselves rather than the up line that showed them what to do. It seems to be what is happening locally right now with a man causing much controversy who appeared out of nowhere a couple of years ago with the recruitment formula. He incessantly promotes himself as Big book expert and successful sponsor...... Another fairly long term member was recruited recently and he has now begun posting very threatening and abusive comments on Facebook accusing the local guru of revealing his step five.

It is all very interesting and sometimes amusing but there is a serious side of it all which should not to be ignored, one man was found dead at the end of an organised book study. His temporary sponsor announced that he had died because he had not done his 'stuff'. The failures are blamed for their own plight in the same way some Capitalists justify their selfishness by adopting the idea that poor people have booked an appointment to be exactly where they are in life. There is a series of events which leads up to everything. Although AA is not responsible for the actions of its members much can be done to ensure generally agreed upon information such as sponsorship guidance reaches all AA members because right now newcomers are being taken advantage of and AA has done nothing about it that I am aware of, and that is not on.”

(edited to preserve anonymity)

Comment: AA actually does have guidelines on bullying and abuse – the problem is that these are hardly ever enforced – which kind of makes them rather pointless doesn't it!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS We thank this AA member for their contribution

'Carrying the message' or just plain 'pyramid' selling!

We quote:

“I would like to tell you about what I think are the underlying motives for the rapid expansion of AA groups branded by many as cults. These are groups which would prefer to be known an alternative sections of AA rather than a completely separate thing in itself with an agenda of its own. Groups branded cults have been labelled as such I think because of their adherence to precise specific clear cut instructions which includes an unalterable interpretation of the Big Book program of recovery. I will need to tell you a story first, then all should become clear.

In the early 1980's I stood in a massive audience at Wembley Conference Centre in London where thousands of people were buzzing with excitement and anticipation, they had arrived to see and hear the the founder of a growing network marketing company tell his story. Most people had already signed up to become distributors, they had become business men and women who were following a precise plan to bring about wealth, health and status within their own worlds. Mark Hughes in 1980 started a company called Herbalife using network marketing concepts, this type of business is also referred to as Multi Level Marketing. We were all there to find out how such a young man had become a multi millionaire and achieved celebrity status within his own world which was now being offered to all who chose to follow and copy him. It was to be one of many audiences he had created who worshipped him all over the world as an entrepreneurial guru. I had heard so much about this mysterious genius who had transformed the lives of thousands of ordinary people beyond their wildest dreams. As he arrived on stage you would have thought we were at a Beatles gig, the crowd was very rewarding. A young handsome sun tanned Mark Hughes, who was probably only in his early thirties stood at the podium to address his fans. He began to tell the story of how he had become incredibly wealthy and helped no end of people to lose weight and lead a healthier style by consuming his health food products. Not only that he was seemingly responsible for turning thousands of ordinary people into successful entrepreneurs running their own businesses selling his products, which were expensive. He told us all how [we] had the opportunity to follow in his footsteps, to replicate what he had done with all the hassles he had endured already removed, there would be no need to acquire staff, computers or offices, all the paperwork would be easy. He wasn't just a young handsome self made millionaire bachelor selling a product, he was selling a lifestyle and a dream which had already changed the lives of many ordinary people beyond anything they could have imagined, at least that was the narrative. It was a fascinating story to hear. He had been a sales man, a fairly ordinary and unassuming person who came up with an idea for a product he said born out of the loss of his mother to an unhealthy lifestyle. He came up with the idea, talked a manufacturer into producing the goods while he focused on the selling. Apparently he started out by selling Herbalife products from the boot of his car. We were looking at a self made millionaire who oozed success and status, everyone in the audience carried with them the very same obsession for profit and for status. Here was a man prepared to show us the path he had carved out for us all to follow, everyone wanted what he seemed to have and was willing to share. As with most humble men he didn't want all the celebrity his mission had brought him, that was merely a by-product.

Personally I was not overly excited, I'd heard it all before, I was very curious as always but I would probably not have been thereat all had I not been people pleasing my parents who had taken the bait hook line and sinker, they had become consumers, and distributors, and now they were repeating the process by recruiting me and taking me to all these impressive gatherings full of hyped up people on a money making mission they could feel good about. They really believed in the products and the business plan, me I would rather spend my money on lager, the fast fix solution for all of life's problems. I had already for a while been an unsuccessful Amway distributor selling cleaning products but I couldn't bring myself to sell the plan in order to recruit, I was no sales man, I liked to live on the edge, selling stuff didn't do it for me. I also tried to sell perfume for another MLM start up company without success, I sold one bottle of perfume that I remember, someone felt sorry for me. I did not have the verbal skills or the right look necessary to become a good sales man, and that is what you volunteer to become the moment you sign up as a distributor. Amway was already an established company, probably the first truly big MLM company to appear on the global market. In time I figured out the people making the real money in the MLM game who had all in the process acquired celebrity status always seemed to have outstanding communications skills, and it seemed they were also prepared to invest large sums of money in advertising. As a functioning alcoholic all my spare money went on alcohol, I knew the main source of income these companies had came from the distributors themselves, the so called winners knew it was a numbers game, they would advertise in newspapers filling hotel board rooms conference centre with the objective of recruiting as many people/customers as possible. The idea is to show the business plan to as many people as possible, some will become consumers and some will become really good at recruiting new distributors to earn commission from. I seriously doubt too many people ever succeed in these types of businesses business using the starter packs alone, which would cost maybe £25. It was an enticing idea, where else can you start a business for such a small amount of money, and that too was a selling point. Established distributors would suggested that it was easy to rise from nothing to great wealth. My Dad being my Dad used it as justification to buy another expensive flash car, something to impress the distributors he sought to recruit.

There used to be a health food shop local to where I lived and that is where I was shown the Herbalife business plan. The owner of the shop was clearly making money from his distributors who would fill the big room above his shop to be sold products and the business plan. Another time the manager at the place I worked asked me to attend a meeting at his house but he could not say why, I'd have to find out when I got there. I was hoping for a promotion, instead I endured an hour of being shown the Amway business plan. I found it difficult to tell him I had already been an unsuccessful distributor a few years years before, that I already understood the plan, that I was not interested. He was my controller at work, he had been feeding me plenty of work so I refrained from voicing my dismay at being manipulated in such an unethical way, especially when I could have been down the pub drinking. Network marketing is a legitimised form of what used to be known as pyramid selling, which is illegal. MLM remains lawful because some of the revenue created is redistributed back into the community of distributors to certain levels or depths.

Since this era of my life Mark Hughes passed away, he was born in 1956 and he died in 2000, he was found dead from a cocktail of alcohol and drugs in his mid forties. To show you the power of network marketing concepts I will have to give you some figures. In 1980 Herbalife was founded, in 2012 Herbalife reported net sales of $4.072 billion dollars. As of 2013 the company distributes its products in 91 countries through a network of approximately 3.2 million independent distributors. Network marketing is a phenomenally powerful business concept which has a snowball effect, not something you would want to let lose in AA with nobody at the reins.

​So what is 'the plan' exactly and what does it have to do with Alcoholics Anonymous?​

It is very simple concept most of you will already have grasped, the general idea is to become wealthy and to acquire celebrity status in your own world by following a simple but extremely powerful marketing plan or model. There are precise, specific, clear cut directions to follow, which may include leaflet distribution and the odd porky pie. So first of all you are shown the business plan, and if you like what you hear you sign up and copy the process by showing the plan first of all to everyone in your small world. If you are prepared to invest in advertising, you can show it to strangers as well. What usually happens is you are invited to a meeting at someone's house or some room some place by a family member, a friend, or perhaps by your boss. They will often not disclose why they want you to come along until you arrive, distributors in search of new recruits generally come across as excited, and they can't wait to tell you why. All the brochures have pictures of big houses and expensive cars and success stories where deluded people equate the rise of wealth with the rise of happiness. Most people I expect would want to attend these meetings if only out of curiosity. Upon arrival you are instructed to sit down and listen to some really important information which will probably change your life forever, along with a room full of similarly curious people by now desperately wanting to know what it is about. At this point the person holding the meeting adopts the role of successful entrepreneur and begins to explain himself, they will come across as eager to tell you about something which happened to them which has already begun transforming their lives beyond their wildest dreams. So out comes the white board where first a single circle is drawn at the top representing the person the person at the top of the up line, yes the person drawing on the white board. They will they proceed to tell the invited guests at this rather strange party how successful in business they have become in next to no time at all, that we should all come on board while the opportunity is still in its infancy. They will speak of the two elements of the business, selling products for a commission, and the primary focus, recruiting people to sell for another type of commission. They will say that by teaching new recruits how repeat the process, who will themselves in turn repeat the process exactly as shown commission can be returned from distributors several levels deep. Over the proceeding ten minutes or so a whole bunch of circles are drawn representing newly recruited distributors, it ends up forming a large triangle where the man at the top recruits two people who in turn recruit two people and so on can end up to a lot of commission, just from recruiting two people. Imagine if you were the distributor to recruit someone like Mark Hughes! You would need never work again, and the business can be inherited by your children.

Yawn, so what does this have to do with AA?

Well in short I believe these extremely powerful marketing concepts are already at play within AA in England. Some bright spark has already unleashed this powerful force and it has now grown to a size where its presence is becoming more and more noticeable, hence the rise of aacultwatch. Worse, with MLM there is a single company which had total control over all of its its distributors, and although I think this is the underlying long term objective for those with financial objectives, anybody can now see the love and adoration of the AA world around them can be acquired merely by copying a what is a well thought out marketing process wrapped up as a spiritual remedy.

To explain further, I had all sorts of problems in AA getting sober in the early days, it took ten years before I finally put the drink down for good, and that was nearly 12 years ago, so I've been around a while, I know what did work and what did not work, for me. There was one particular group of people in AA locally who began to emerge who came across as being very well people indeed. They would share similar things, that AA had left them feeling restless irritable and discontented, which it can do. Some people do feel like that if they are seen merely as equals, it is called status anxiety, the fear of not being a somebody, it affects those who have not like myself experienced a similar environment to AA which was rooted in Christian ideology. Anyway I began to observe these people who I spotted very quickly seemed to be selling themselves a bit compared to all the other nobodies in AA, they would say things like 'stick with the winners' , which is kind of insulting for where there are winners it suggests everyone else is a loser. It became obvious they were in search of newcomers to me very quickly but not immediately, I would take something more for me to question the possibility of a product being the underlying motivation for this new and unusual behaviour spreading across the region. I was completely unaware that I was a trained ear who knew exactly what to listen out for. Anyway members who declared themselves as recovered would attend more traditional meetings, share their first and last names declaring how they were recovered from Alcoholism, and that they had found God and were in receipt of a real spiritual experience unlike the one which had kept many of them sober for years already. Initially all members of AA were targeted for recruitment, over time the focus has primarily been on newcomers. They would say how all of the promises in the Big Book of AA were coming now true and if you want what they have, you too should do what they did making it obvious that newcomers would do well to approach them after the meeting to be shown the way, if they didn't approach the newcomer first.

Eventually I sussed out the underlying methodology, it was and still is network marketing. I was at a meeting one day out of my usual area and a man who I still do look up to but not in every area approached me, I was aware he was the man everyone was talking about, he was a celebrity in their world. I had already considered asking him to be my sponsor but I did not think he would have the time as he seemed to have sponsored tons of people, all with great success, even though many were already long time sober. So when I talk about a success I mean 'recovered' members would tell us how much happier they were having been shown how to work the program, they would all rubbish their former sobriety, assuming they were long term members, and they would say they found God in the process, exactly what it says in the Big Book. So I am not talking about nasty people with bad intentions, I am talking about good people who have gotten a little bit carried away with their obsession with numbers, with profit and with status, they can't see that they are the Actors described in the Big Book. I don't think people who have spread this methodology know any different, if there is no up or down structure they just don't get it, the principle of equality within AA I mean. So some people began openly declaring that there lives had been changed beyond their wildest dreams, it sounded appealing after all I was still relapsing, but where had I heard that before? Sadly for me what they had on offer could not possibly help me, as soon as I spotted the underlying agenda I was out of there, I needed someone to listen and help me unwrap the maze in my head, I did not need business minds selling me dreams. Looking back I can see how I was having a lot of difficulty with my communications skills, I could see through people being familiar with their behaviours but I could not find anyone to just shut up and listen. Anyway I was approached and invited to come along to a debate about the Big Book, which I thought would be a great idea as there were 101 things in the Big Book I wanted to talk about. I really thought I would be attending a debate, that is what I was told, it was not true but I took the bait and turned up anyway.

So I turned up at a man's house who was clearly very successful, very likeable, very intelligent, someone I believe would pick up the phone and speak to any alcoholic in distress night or day. I was aware this was the man who had helped a lot of people because lots of people had told me so. I had considered asking him to be my sponsor anyway so it didn't bother me too much that I'd arrived at a Big Book study, not a Big Book debate. I was losing my trust in AA members having already experienced controlling behaviour beyond belief. I'm not saying I was lured their as a malicious and blatant fabrication of the truth, sometimes people chose the wrong words, I'm terrible for that myself, either way I had arrived and there was a room full of people who all did seem to know why they were there.

I couldn't figure out how a person could sponsor a dozen or more people all in one go, I'd never come across batch sponsorship before, and that was the first indicator of a marketing process. Also there was someone taking notes and we were told the only reason this person was in attendance was because he was learning how to repeat the process. The Big Book study was to be carried out over several weeks, there would be homework for us all to do every week which was designed to get you to read the Big Book and to look for certain things such as promises not listed in the promises chapter. The person running the show spoke of restlessness irritability and discontentment prior to going through this particular method of studying the book and going through the 12 steps and finding God in the process. Alcoholics were painted as an undisciplined bunch as quoted from somewhere in the book which was used as justification for us to all follow precise specific clear cut direction. By now I had realised we were being shown the plan however the reward would not come in the form of money, it would come in the form of fulfilled promises, certain keywords sentences and phrases were used to paint an interpretation which suited the underlying marketing concepts, now I wanted to know if there was money involved although initially I did not. I saw it as a religious sectarian thing where this band of people saw themselves as another arm of AA rather than how I now see it which is as a completely separate thing in itself which has brought about division and controversy, which some people enjoy.

All the ingredients were there, the up line was being promoted, I had been lured to a meeting to be shown and shown the plan, you do this, then you repeat it and as a reward you get a fourth dimension of existence as promised in the Big Book and people were being taught how to repeat the process. People were also given instructions and homework, and like most MLM meetings it was a numbers game, you can't expect to recruit everyone. I had been lured under false pretences and the process had to be strictly adhered to. We were told exactly what to highlight in the Big Book, we were not given the opportunity to debate or to make our own interpretations, we were expected to be passive learners instructed to follow instructions, to read a certain number of pages every day and to look for specific things, such as anything that seemed like a promise. There was a lot of talk about God, about how all of the promises in the Big Book had already started to come true for those who had trusted the process but for me it was a mockery, I failed to see how multi level marketing concepts could help me at all having already failed me three times. So after two weeks I walked away from it, I could not see how another six weeks or so of reading a book I had already read more than once could help me.

In time I learned that there appears to be a link between the rapid expansion of rehab clinics across the country, shareholders, and the rapid expansion of primary purpose type organised groups across the country. I am sad to see that tradition 9 is being ignored, it says 'ought never be organised' for this very reason, to stop individuals from taking control. It is in my opinion a power play, and as I have said before, AA should not underestimate the power of these marketing concepts. I do accept that most people are completely unaware that they have been used as pawns in a game of numbers. I also accept that there is no need for anger, these people are trying to help others, but they have been blinded to the damage they cause in their wake, they cannot or do not want to accept what they are doing is in opposition to AA tradition. It is affecting AA as a whole therefore in my opinion step four has been invoked.

“Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.” [BB. Step 3]

Anonymous”

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS Our thanks for this member's contribution

'Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life, but now I’ve lost my faith'

Jon Stewart spent 14 years attending AA meetings. They got him sober, but at a cost. He asks why so few alcoholics are offered alternative treatments.

An interesting article.

See also Jon's blog: Leaving AA, staying sober: new perspectives on recovery

(note disclaimer)

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS Our thanks to those members who drew our attention to the above

News from sunny Balham (London)..... or how group consciences should NOT be conducted!

We quote: 

“The following is an account by one member, …...., of what has been going on at the Balham Wednesday 8pm meeting:

Several months ago, an AA member of long-standing started encouraging young female newcomers who were single mothers, to come with their children to the Balham 8-9pm Wednesday meeting. Some of these young mums brought babies, which wasn’t a problem, even though they were noisy, but some brought children of school age, nine or ten or older and some of the other old-time members voiced unease about the sort of material that was being shared and whether this was a wise thing for AA to be encouraging.

This was a night time meeting after all, and the children looked a bit shocked by some of the explicit content and the swearing. There was also an issue with the owners of the room, who might be cross if they found out that school age children were present in a community centre at night at what was surely presumed an adult event.

When several members voiced concern, they were told by the AA member calling for the women to be admitted with their kids - let’s call this woman Member A– that all that was needed to convert the meeting into a child friendly meeting from that evening onwards was a show of hands. The show of hands was then held and as no one apart from two older members wanted to exclude the poor girl who had been told to come with her kids that evening, the motion was passed.

The next week a member of long standing who had not been there protested that this was not on, and attempted to call a proper group conscience. ‘No no!’ Member A shouted, very forcefully. ‘We held a group conscience last week. This has all been sorted. The conscience was unanimous in favour of children.’

The other member pointed out that a quick show of hands was not a group conscience. No notice had been given, and no one had read out the traditions. If the meeting were to be changed to child friendly, with all the implications that entailed, including the agreement of the management of the building, then the proper procedures should be followed or AA’s name would be dragged into controversy. A group conscience must be called. The secretary then went about suggesting a date but when two weeks from then was settled upon, member A’s husband, let’s call him Member B, an old-timer, suddenly erupted and very angrily shouted that he would not have it because ‘it doesn’t suit me!’

After more wrangling, the secretary managed to get a group conscience arranged for three week’s time, which Member B very grudgingly agreed to. 

When the evening of the conscience came, members arrived to find the secretary of the meeting had been switched, for that night only, to a sponsee of Member B.

Member B, moreover, was ensconced at the front table next to him, poised to do the chair that week. Member A was sitting at the side of the room, flanked by all her sponsees, while Member B’s sponsees sat in the front. The meeting was packed to the rafters with people regular members had never seen before. 

There followed a very joysy chair by Member B in which he openly questioned the traditions, saying ‘personalities not principles got me sober’.

Member A and B’s sponsees all shared back what an inspiration he was.

The meeting concluded and the group conscience began…with Member A getting out a pad on which she had evidently prepared notes.

The temporary secretary, looking to her for guidance, and with her prompting him, then announced that the question of whether to admit children would now be dealt with by proposing a formal motion for and against and having a vote. He summarised ‘the issues’, as he saw them, briefly. And then proceeded to start taking the vote.

Several members objected, pointing out that no one had been called to speak. People who wanted to speak must be heard. Member A shouted that this wasn’t right. No one was allowed to speak. It had been agreed to do it this way. But three long time members insisted that that wasn’t how group consciences worked. Anyone who wanted to speak could speak. And they would have their say otherwise this wasn’t a group conscience. Reluctantly Member A conceded.

Three members spoke against turning the meeting child friendly. When one of them said he thought that if many more kids came we might have to have a room set aside and a childcare person to sit with them who was CRB checked, Member A exploded and screamed at him that he was wrong and to shut up. This member, a very courteous, well liked elderly man, was left visibly shaken and upset.

Those who spoke in favour of admitting children all made very emotive speeches about how if the vote went against kids, single mothers would drink and probably die. And so on. Those voicing caution were made to feel like they were literally pouring drink down the throats of alcoholic single mums.

The most powerful contribution was from a young guy who said he had been a child of an alcoholic who took him to meetings and it had scarred him for life.

In the end, a meaningless sounding compromise motion ‘to admit children on a case by case basis, unless someone objects on the night’ was carried by a huge margin with only three against.

What a palaver to make the situation about the same as what operates now anyway! What was it all about? Power. That’s what. And perhaps Member A attempting to recruit more and more young female potential followers to come to that meeting?

After the vote, Member A – who held no official position in the group – announced that several vacant service positions must now be filled and reeled off the names of her sponsees, proposing them for every single one. Secretary, GSR, greeting – all were filled with her sponsees on show of hands unanimously in favour.

The message was clear: the meeting was now under new management. 

Six months on, it is a very strange affair. He sits at the front, flanked by his sponsees. She sits at the side flanked by hers. She shares first, always bigging up the meeting and its superiority to other meetings; advertising the fact that there is real cafetierie coffee, and people are friendlier there, and it’s ‘stronger recovery’ than other meetings.

Her sponsees, meanwhile, share some very extreme stuff like ‘my sponsor tells me that if I don’t adopt this way of life I’ll die.’

The atmosphere is utterly cloying. This was always a wonderful, friendly, open meeting full of the usual AA chaos and the full range of sharing. Now there is no doubt that it is tightly organised and that the emphasis is on sharing ‘positively’. When you arrive it is like everyone is in on some clever private joke. If they speak to you it is with a haughty tone of being utterly superior. The vibe is very much that you are a poor little ordinary AA-er down there, scrabbling around in the mire while they are up on some wonderful plateau of super-serenity.

Worse, they are attempting the same coup at several other meetings, including Tooting ones, notably Monday night. Here again, they and their sponsees are bit by bit taking over the service positions. When a member offered to do tea the other week, she was gratefully applauded in but the next week told, to her utter humiliation, that Member B did not agree and so she would not be allowed to do it. Their aim is for total control.

When their sponsees are secretary, they even tell them not to worry about getting chairs because they will get them. They’ve asked the same people to do chairs so many times that those meetings will probably die of boredom if they don’t die of cultdom.

They attempted a coup at Springfield Sunday night but the local members resisted with vigour and won the day. She had proposed one of her sponsees for secretary, as usual, and the group just wouldn’t have it. There was a huge row and she never went again and instructed all her sponsees to boycott it – which of course normal members are delighted about.

A final point: A former sponsee of Member A’s recently contacted the author of this account. She had broken away from Member A and was so upset at the type of sponsorship she had received that she wanted to raise the alarm but didn’t know how to do it. She said she had been subject to a lot of very controlling behaviour including being told not to wear make-up or high heels, intrusive questions about her finances, and her marriage. She said Member A came to her house a lot, which doesn’t sound like your average sponsor, who tends to demand you make the running. The girl said she always had the impression she was poking around. She was angry and worried she had been pulled into a cult of some kind. She said she had been told by Member B ‘you’re in my gang now’, which she found scary. She had been told what to share, what to wear, not to talk to men, to ‘behave yourself’ - the whole lot. Luckily, this girl now has another sponsor and is delighted to find that normal AA is not like that. Let’s hope everyone else works it out too...”

(edits to preserve anonymity)

Comment: None needed other than to say this represents typical cult behaviour

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS Our thanks to the member who sent this info to us

See also:

Plymouth (cult) Intergroup corruption 

For AA Minority Report 2013 click here

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (contd)

aacultwatch's perspective on:

The AA (General Service conference approved) book:

“Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: A co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous tells how members recover and how the society functions”

(an almost as wildly discursive commentary as our 'take' on the Big Book)

This tome is much reviled in cult circles (especially amongst the Big Book nutters who regard it as almost heretical! (A point of interest: if you're looking for meetings largely free of the aforementioned 'fruitcakes', and for that matter sundry other screwballs, then a Twelve Step meeting following the format of the above text is usually a safe bet). The text we will be using is as indicated above. And now we come to:

Step Twelve (pp. 106-125)

“Step Twelve

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps [note: NOT as the result of your sponsor!], we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

THE joy of living is the theme of A.A.’s Twelfth Step, and action is its key word. Here we turn outward toward our fellow alcoholics who are still in distress. Here we experience the kind of giving that asks no rewards. Here we begin to practice all Twelve Steps of the program in our daily lives so that we and those about us may find emotional sobriety. When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication, it is really talking about the kind of love that has no price tag on it.

Our Twelfth Step also says that as a result of practising all the Steps, we have each found something called a spiritual awakening [see also: religious experience]. To new A.A.’s, this often seems like a very dubious and improbable state of affairs. “What do you mean when you talk about a ‘spiritual awakening’?” they ask.

Maybe there are as many definitions of spiritual awakening as there are people who have had them. But certainly each genuine one has something in common with all the others. And these things which they have in common are not too hard to understand. When a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone. He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being. He has been set on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere, that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or mastered. In a very real sense he has been transformed, because he has laid hold of a source of strength which, in one way or another, he had hitherto denied himself. He finds himself in possession of a degree of honesty, tolerance, unselfishness, peace of mind, and love of which he had thought himself quite incapable. What he has received is a free gift, and yet usually, at least in some small part, he has made himself ready to receive it.

A.A.’s manner of making ready to receive this gift lies in the practice of the Twelve Steps in our program. So let’s consider briefly what we have been trying to do up to this point:

Step One showed us an amazing paradox: We found that we were totally unable to be rid of the alcohol obsession until we first admitted that we were powerless over it. In Step Two we saw that since we could not restore ourselves to sanity, some Higher Power must necessarily do so if we were to survive. Consequently, in Step Three we turned our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. For the time being [or even for a whole life time], we who were atheist or agnostic discovered that our own group, or A.A. as a whole, would suffice as a higher power. Beginning with Step Four, we commenced to search out the things in ourselves which had brought us to physical, moral, and spiritual bankruptcy. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory. Looking at Step Five, we decided that an inventory, taken alone, wouldn’t be enough. We knew we would have to quit the deadly business of living alone with our conflicts, and in honesty confide these to God [optional] and another human being. At Step Six, many of us baulked—for the practical reason that we did not wish to have all our defects of character removed, because we still loved some of them too much. Yet we knew we had to make a settlement with the fundamental principle of Step Six. So we decided that while we still had some flaws of character that we could not yet relinquish, we ought nevertheless to quit our stubborn, rebellious hanging on to them. We said to ourselves, “This I cannot do today, perhaps, but I can stop crying out ‘No, never!’” Then, in Step Seven, we humbly asked God [or addressed our own subconsciousness via this metaphor] to remove our shortcomings such as He could or would under the conditions of the day we asked. In Step Eight, we continued our house-cleaning, for we saw that we were not only in conflict with ourselves, but also with people and situations in the world in which we lived. We had to begin to make our peace, and so we listed the people we had harmed and became willing to set things right. We followed this up in Step Nine by making direct amends to those concerned, except when it would injure them or other people. By this time, at Step Ten, we had begun to get a basis for daily living, and we keenly realized that we would need to continue taking personal inventory, and that when we were in the wrong we ought to admit it promptly. In Step Eleven we saw that if a Higher Power had restored us to sanity and had enabled us to live with some peace of mind in a sorely troubled world, then such a Higher Power was worth knowing better, by as direct contact as possible. The persistent use of meditation and prayer, we found, did open the channel so that where there had been a trickle, there now was a river which led to sure power and safe guidance from God as we were increasingly better able to understand Him [or not].

So, practising these Steps, we had a spiritual awakening about which finally there was no question [concerning such matters it is rarely the case that there is “no question”]. Looking at those who were only beginning and still doubted themselves, the rest of us were able to see the change setting in. From great numbers of such experiences, we could predict [?] that the doubter who still claimed that he hadn’t got the “spiritual angle,” and who still considered his well-loved A.A. group the higher power, would presently love God and call Him by name [there's quite a lot of what one might call 'whistling in the dark' going on here!].

Now, what about the rest of the Twelfth Step? The wonderful energy it releases and the eager action by which it carries our message to the next suffering alcoholic and which finally translates the Twelve Steps into action upon all our affairs is the pay-off, the magnificent reality, of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Even the newest of newcomers finds undreamed rewards as he tries to help his brother alcoholic, the one who is even blinder than he. This is indeed the kind of giving that actually demands nothing [something which cult members seem to have forgotten with their ever-increasing list of do's and dont's]. He does not expect his brother sufferer to pay him, or even to love him. And then he discovers that by the divine paradox of this kind of giving he has found his own reward, whether his brother has yet received anything or not. His own character may still be gravely defective, but he somehow knows that God has enabled him to make a mighty beginning, and he senses that he stands at the edge of new mysteries, joys, and experiences of which he had never even dreamed.

Practically every [and therefore not all] A.A. member declares that no satisfaction has been deeper and no joy greater than in a Twelfth Step job well done. To watch the eyes of men and women open with wonder as they move from darkness into light, to see their lives quickly fill with new purpose and meaning, to see whole families reassembled, to see the alcoholic outcast received back into his community in full citizenship, and above all to watch these people awaken to the presence of a loving God in their lives [or not] —these things are the substance of what we receive as we carry A.A.’s message to the next alcoholic.

Nor is this the only kind of Twelfth Step work. We sit in A.A. meetings and listen, not only to receive something ourselves, but to give the reassurance and support [not undermine nor dictate] which our presence can bring. If our turn comes to speak at a meeting, we again try to carry A.A.’s message [as we understand it and in our own fashion – not according to the instructions of some self-appointed know-it-all!]. Whether our audience is one or many, it is still Twelfth Step work. There are many opportunities even for those of us who feel unable to speak at meetings or who are so situated that we cannot do much face-to-face Twelfth Step work. We can be the ones who take on the unspectacular but important tasks that make good Twelfth Step work possible, perhaps arranging for the coffee and cake after the meetings, where so many sceptical, suspicious newcomers have found confidence and comfort in the laughter and talk. This is Twelfth Step work in the very best sense of the word. “Freely ye have received; freely give...” [see above] is the core of this part of Step Twelve.

We may often pass through Twelfth Step experiences where we will seem to be temporarily off the beam. These will appear as big setbacks at the time, but will be seen later as stepping-stones to better things. For example, we may set our hearts on getting a particular person sobered up, and after doing all we can for months, we see him relapse. Perhaps this will happen in a succession of cases, and we may be deeply discouraged as to our ability to carry A.A.’s message [carrying the 'message' is not the same as 'fixing' other people]. Or we may encounter the reverse situation, in which we are highly elated because we seem to have been successful. Here the temptation is to become rather possessive of these newcomers. Perhaps we try to give them advice about their affairs which we aren’t really competent to give or ought not give at all [ie. cult members]. Then we are hurt and confused when the advice is rejected, or when it is accepted and brings still greater confusion. By a great deal of ardent Twelfth Step work we sometimes carry the message to so many alcoholics that they place us in a position of trust. They make us, let us say, the group’s chairman. Here again we are presented with the temptation to over-manage things, and sometimes this results in rebuffs and other consequences which are hard to take.

But in the longer run we clearly realize that these are only the pains of growing up, and nothing but good can come from them if we turn more and more to the entire Twelve Steps for the answers [unfortunately cult members frequently fail to 'grow up' but remain trapped by their own egos surrounded by a coterie of 'yes' men and women].

Now comes the biggest question yet. What about the practice of these principles in all our affairs [Wayne P might be a bit confused about the meaning of the word “affairs”!]? Can we love the whole pattern of living as eagerly as we do the small segment of it we discover when we try to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety? Can we bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our sometimes deranged family lives that we bring to our A.A. group? Can we have the same kind of confidence and faith in these people who have been infected and sometimes crippled by our own illness that we have in our sponsors [that would rather depend on what kind of sponsor you have! And indeed whether you want to have a sponsor at all!!]? Can we actually carry the A.A. spirit into our daily work? Can we meet our newly recognized responsibilities to the world at large? And can we bring new purpose and devotion to the religion of our choice [or no religion at all]? Can we find a new joy of living in trying to do something about all these things?

Furthermore, how shall we come to terms with seeming failure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to either without despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness, loneliness, and bereavement with courage and serenity [we may though we'd rather not]? Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yet sometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter, more glittering achievements are denied us?

The A.A. answer to these questions about living is “Yes, all of these things are possible.” We know this because we see monotony, pain, and even calamity turned to good use by those who keep on trying to practice A.A.’s Twelve Steps. And if these are facts of life for the many alcoholics who have recovered in A.A., they can become the facts of life for many more.

Of course all A.A.’s, even the best, fall far short of such achievements as a consistent thing. Without necessarily taking that first drink, we often get quite far off the beam. Our troubles sometimes begin with indifference. We are sober and happy in our A.A. work. Things go well at home and office. We naturally congratulate ourselves on what later proves to be a far too easy and superficial point of view. We temporarily cease to grow because we feel satisfied that there is no need for all of A.A.’s Twelve Steps for us. We are doing fine on a few of them. Maybe we are doing fine on only two of them, the First Step and that part of the Twelfth where we “carry the message.” In A.A. slang, that blissful state is known as “two-stepping.” And it can go on for years [why abandon a “blissful state” we ask??].

The best-intentioned of us can fall for the “two-step” illusion. Sooner or later the pink cloud stage wears off and things go disappointingly dull. We begin to think that A.A. doesn’t pay off after all. We become puzzled and discouraged.

Then perhaps life, as it has a way of doing, suddenly hands us a great big lump that we can’t begin to swallow, let alone digest. We fail to get a worked-for promotion. We lose that good job. Maybe there are serious domestic or romantic difficulties, or perhaps that boy we thought God was looking after becomes a military casualty [or perhaps we were wrong about God?].

What then? Have we alcoholics in A.A. got, or can we get, the resources to meet these calamities which come to so many? These were problems of life which we could never face up to [perhaps we can now that we are in full possession of our faculties]. Can we now, with the help of God [or not] as we understand Him, handle them as well and as bravely as our non-alcoholic friends often do? Can we transform these calamities into assets, sources of growth and comfort to ourselves and those about us? Well, we surely have a chance if we switch from “two-stepping” to “twelve-stepping,” if we are willing to receive that grace of God [or acknowledge that we are far more capable than we had hitherto believed] which can sustain and strengthen us in any catastrophe.

Our basic troubles are the same as everyone else’s, but when an honest effort is made “to practice these principles in all our affairs,” well-grounded A.A.’s seem to have the ability, by God’s grace [but see above], to take these troubles in stride and turn them into demonstrations of faith [or a recognition of intrinsic human resilience and courage]. We have seen A.A.’s suffer lingering and fatal illness with little complaint, and often in good cheer. We have sometimes seen families broken apart by misunderstanding, tensions, or actual infidelity [except for Wayne of course. See above], who are reunited by the A.A. way of life.

Though the earning power of most [for 'most' read 'some'] A.A.’s is relatively high, we have some members who never seem to get on their feet money wise, and still others who encounter heavy financial reverses. Ordinarily we see these situations met with fortitude and faith.

Like most people, we have found that we can take our big lumps as they come. But also like others, we often discover a greater challenge in the lesser and more continuous problems of life. Our answer is in still more spiritual development. Only by this means [?] can we improve our chances for really happy and useful living. And as we grow spiritually [this word is used rather extensively throughout this passage, and mostly in a 'traditional' religious context. For those who do not hold such affiliations the term may have quite different meanings ie. it is highly subjective], we find that our old attitudes toward our instincts need to undergo drastic revisions. Our desires for emotional security and wealth, for personal prestige and power, for romance, and for family satisfactions—all these have to be tempered and redirected. We have learned that the satisfaction of instincts cannot be the sole end and aim of our lives. If we place instincts first, we have got the cart before the horse; we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment. But when we are willing to place spiritual growth first—then and only then do we have a real chance.

After we come into A.A., if we go on growing, our attitudes and actions toward security—emotional security and financial security—commence to change profoundly. Our demand for emotional security, for our own way, had constantly thrown us into unworkable relations with other people. Though we were sometimes quite unconscious of this, the result always had been the same. Either we had tried to play God and dominate those about us, or we had insisted on being overdependent upon them. Where people had temporarily let us run their lives as though they were still children, we had felt very happy and secure ourselves. But when they finally resisted or ran away, we were bitterly hurt and disappointed. We blamed them, being quite unable to see that our unreasonable demands had been the cause [cf. cult sponsors].

When we had taken the opposite tack and had insisted, like infants ourselves, that people protect and take care of us [cult sponsees] or that the world owed us a living, then the result had been equally unfortunate. This often caused the people we had loved most to push us aside or perhaps desert us entirely. Our disillusionment had been hard to bear. We couldn’t imagine people acting that way toward us. We had failed to see that though adult in years we were still behaving childishly, trying to turn everybody—friends, wives, husbands, even the world itself—into protective parents. We had refused to learn the very hard lesson that over dependence upon people is unsuccessful because all people are fallible, and even the best of them will sometimes let us down, especially when our demands for attention become unreasonable.

As we made spiritual progress, we saw through these fallacies. It became clear that if we ever were to feel emotionally secure among grown-up people, we would have to put our lives on a give-and-take basis; we would have to develop the sense of being in partnership or brotherhood with all those around us. We saw that we would need to give constantly of ourselves without demands for repayment. When we persistently did this we gradually found that people were attracted to us as never before. And even if they failed us, we could be understanding and not too seriously affected.

When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself [or not]. We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would [how then do atheists manage? They clearly do!]. If we really depended upon God, we couldn’t very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care. These were the new attitudes that finally brought many of us an inner strength and peace that could not be deeply shaken by the shortcomings of others or by any calamity not of our own making.

This new outlook was, we learned, something especially necessary [?] to us alcoholics. For alcoholism had been a lonely business, even though we had been surrounded by people who loved us. But when self-will had driven everybody away and our isolation had become complete, it caused us to play the big shot in cheap bar-rooms and then fare forth alone on the street to depend upon the charity of passers-by. We were still trying to find emotional security by being dominating or dependent upon others. Even when our fortunes had not ebbed that much and we nevertheless found ourselves alone in the world, we still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy kind of domination or dependence. For those of us who were like that, A.A. had a very special meaning. Through it we begin to learn right relations with people who understand us; we don’t have to be alone any more.

Most married folks in A.A. have very happy homes. To a surprising extent, A.A. has offset the damage to family life brought about by years of alcoholism. But just like all other societies, we do have sex and marital problems, and sometimes they are distressingly acute. Permanent marriage breakups and separations, however, are unusual in A.A [actually the frequency is no different from that encountered generally]. Our main problem is not how we are to stay married; it is how to be more happily married by eliminating the severe emotional twists that have so often stemmed from alcoholism.

Nearly every sound human being experiences, at some time in life, a compelling desire to find a mate of the opposite sex [?] with whom the fullest possible union can be made —spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. This mighty urge is the root of great human accomplishments [?], a creative energy that deeply influences our lives. God fashioned us that way [or maybe He didn't]. So our question will be this: How, by ignorance, compulsion, and self-will, do we misuse this gift for our own destruction? We A.A.’s cannot pretend to offer full answers to age-old perplexities, but our own experience does provide certain answers that work for us [or some of us at least].

When alcoholism strikes, very unnatural situations may develop which work against marriage partnership and compatible union. If the man is affected, the wife must become the head of the house, often the breadwinner. As matters get worse, the husband becomes a sick and irresponsible child who needs to be looked after and extricated from endless scrapes and impasses. Very gradually, and usually without any realization of the fact, the wife is forced to become the mother of an erring boy. And if she had a strong maternal instinct to begin with, the situation is aggravated. Obviously not much partnership can exist under these conditions. The wife usually goes on doing the best she knows how, but meanwhile the alcoholic alternately loves and hates her maternal care. A pattern is thereby established that may take a lot of undoing later on. Nevertheless, under the influence of A.A.’s Twelve Steps, these situations are often set right.*

When the distortion has been great, however, a long period of patient striving may be necessary. After the husband joins A.A., the wife may become discontented, even highly resentful that Alcoholics Anonymous has done the very thing that all her years of devotion had failed to do. Her husband may become so wrapped up in A.A. and his new friends that he is inconsiderately away from home more than when he drank. Seeing her unhappiness, he recommends A.A.’s Twelve Steps and tries to teach her how to live. She naturally [and quite rightly] feels that for years she has made a far better job of living than he has. Both of them blame each other and ask when their marriage is ever going to be happy again. They may even begin to suspect it had never been any good in the first place.

Compatibility, of course, can be so impossibly damaged that a separation may be necessary. But those cases are the unusual ones [?]. The alcoholic, realizing what his wife has endured, and now fully understanding how much he himself did to damage her and his children, nearly always takes up his marriage responsibilities with a willingness to repair what he can and to accept what he can’t. He persistently tries all of A.A.’s Twelve Steps in his home, often with fine results. At this point he firmly but lovingly commences to behave like a partner instead of like a bad boy. And above all he is finally convinced that reckless romancing is not a way of life for him.

A.A. has many single alcoholics who wish to marry and are in a position to do so. Some marry fellow A.A.’s. How do they come out? On the whole [?] these marriages are very good ones. Their common suffering as drinkers, their common interest in A.A. and spiritual things, often enhance such unions.

• In adapted form, the Steps are also used by Al-Anon Family Groups. Not a part of A.A., this worldwide fellowship consists of spouses and other relatives or friends of alcoholics (in A.A. or still drinking). Its headquarters address is 1600 Corporate Landing Pkwy., Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617

It is only where “boy meets girl on A.A. campus,” and love [or lust] follows at first sight, that difficulties may develop. The prospective partners need to be solid A.A.’s and long enough acquainted to know that their compatibility at spiritual, mental, and emotional levels is a fact and not wishful thinking. They need to be as sure as possible that no deep-lying emotional handicap in either will be likely to rise up under later pressures to cripple them [we'd be curious to know how many non-alcoholic couples ever meet these criteria. Damn few we'd guess!]. The considerations are equally true and important for the A.A.’s who marry “outside” A.A. With clear understanding and right, grown-up attitudes, very happy results do follow [or maybe it'll all end in tears. Who knows?].

And what can be said of many A.A. members who, for a variety of reasons, cannot have a family life [lucky buggers!]? At first many of these feel lonely, hurt, and left out as they witness so much domestic happiness [or, in the converse case, relieved] about them. If they cannot have this kind of happiness, can A.A. offer them satisfactions of similar worth and durability? Yes—whenever they try hard to seek them out. Surrounded by so many A.A. friends, these so-called loners tell us they no longer feel alone. In partnership with others—women and men—they can devote themselves to any number of ideas, people, and constructive projects. Free of marital responsibilities, they can participate in enterprises which would be denied to family men and women. We daily see such members render prodigies of service, and receive great joys in return [like we said: Lucky buggers!].

Where the possession of money and material things was concerned, our outlook underwent the same revolutionary change. With a few exceptions, all of us had been spendthrifts. We threw money about in every direction with the purpose of pleasing ourselves and impressing other people. In our drinking time, we acted as if the money supply was inexhaustible, though between binges we’d sometimes go to the other extreme and become almost miserly. Without realizing it we were just accumulating funds for the next spree. Money [otherwise known as 'beer tokens'] was the symbol of pleasure and self-importance. When our drinking had become much worse, money was only an urgent requirement which could supply us with the next drink and the temporary comfort of oblivion it brought.

Upon entering A.A., these attitudes were sharply reversed, often going much too far in the opposite direction. The spectacle of years of waste threw us into panic. There simply wouldn’t be time, we thought, to rebuild our shattered fortunes. How could we ever take care of those awful debts, possess a decent home [rent instead], educate the kids [send them out to work!], and set something by for old age [pray for a timely demise!]? Financial importance was no longer our principal aim; we now clamoured for material security. Even when we were well re-established in our business, these terrible fears often continued to haunt us. This made us misers and penny pinchers all over again. Complete financial security we must have—or else. We forgot that most [?] alcoholics in A.A. have an earning power considerably above average; we forgot the immense goodwill of our brother A.A.’s who were only too eager to help us to better jobs when we deserved them; we forgot the actual or potential financial insecurity of every human being in the world. And, worst of all, we forgot God [easily done especially if you don't believe ….]. In money matters we had faith only in ourselves, and not too much of that.

This all meant, of course, that we were still far off balance. When a job still looked like a mere means of getting money rather than an opportunity for service, when the acquisition of money for financial independence looked more important than a right dependence upon God, we were still the victims of unreasonable fears. And these were fears which would make a serene and useful existence, at any financial level, quite impossible.

But as time passed we found that with the help of A.A.’s Twelve Steps we could lose those fears, no matter what our material prospects were. We could cheerfully perform humble labour without worrying about tomorrow. If our circumstances happened to be good, we no longer dreaded a change for the worse, for we had learned that these troubles could be turned into great values. It did not matter too much what our material condition was [but it's still reassuring to have a few dollars in your back pocket isn't it], but it did matter what our spiritual condition was. Money gradually became our servant and not our master. It became a means of exchanging love and service with those about us. When, with God’s help [or not], we calmly accepted our lot, then we found we could live at peace with ourselves and show others who still suffered the same fears that they could get over them, too. We found that freedom from fear [and freedom from domineering cult sponsors we'd venture to say!] was more important than freedom from want.

Let’s here take note of our improved outlook upon the problems of personal importance, power, ambition, and leadership. These were reefs upon which many of us came to shipwreck during our drinking careers.

Practically every boy in the United States dreams of becoming our President [would you seriously want the job? You'd have to be nuts ..eg. Trump for President? 'Nuff said!]. He wants to be his country’s number one man. As he gets older and sees the impossibility of this, he can smile good-naturedly at his childhood dream. In later life he finds that real happiness is not to be found in just trying to be a number one man, or even a first-rater in the heartbreaking struggle for money, romance, or self-importance. He learns that he can be content as long as he plays well whatever cards life deals him. He’s still ambitious, but not absurdly so, because he can now see and accept actual reality. He’s willing to stay right size.

But not so with alcoholics. When A.A. was quite young, a number of eminent psychologists and doctors made an exhaustive study of a good-sized group of so-called problem drinkers. The doctors weren’t trying to find how different we were from one another; they sought to find whatever personality traits, if any, this group of alcoholics had in common. They finally came up with a conclusion that shocked the A.A. members of that time. These distinguished men had the nerve to say that most of the alcoholics under investigation were still childish, emotionally sensitive, and grandiose [Oh hell! Caught out again!].

How we alcoholics did resent that verdict! We would not believe that our adult dreams were often truly childish. And considering the rough deal life had given us, we felt it perfectly natural that we were sensitive. As to our grandiose behaviour, we insisted that we had been possessed of nothing but a high and legitimate ambition to win the battle of life.

In the years since, however, most of us have come to agree with those doctors [but not us! What do they know anyway!]. We have had a much keener look at ourselves and those about us. We have seen that we were prodded by unreasonable fears or anxieties into making a life business of winning fame, money, and what we thought was leadership. So false pride became the reverse side of that ruinous coin marked “Fear.” We simply had to be number one people to cover up our deep-lying inferiorities. In fitful successes we boasted of greater feats to be done; in defeat we were bitter. If we didn’t have much of any worldly success we became depressed and cowed. Then people said we were of the “inferior” type. But now we see ourselves as chips off the same old block. At heart we had all been abnormally fearful. It mattered little whether we had sat on the shore of life drinking ourselves into forgetfulness or had plunged in recklessly and wilfully beyond our depth and ability. The result was the same—all of us had nearly perished in a sea of alcohol.

But today, in well-matured A.A.’s [?], these distorted drives have been restored to something like their true purpose and direction. We no longer strive to dominate or rule those about us in order to gain self-importance. We no longer seek fame and honour in order to be praised. When by devoted service to family, friends, business, or community we attract widespread affection and are sometimes singled out for posts of greater responsibility and trust, we try to be humbly grateful and exert ourselves the more in a spirit of love and service. True leadership, we find, depends upon able example and not upon vain displays of power or glory.

Still more wonderful is the feeling that we do not have to be specially distinguished among our fellows in order to be useful and profoundly happy. Not many of us can be leaders of prominence, nor do we wish to be. Service, gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted or solved with God’s help, the knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort, the well-understood fact that in God’s sight all human beings are important, the proof that love freely given surely brings a full return, the certainty that we are no longer isolated and alone in self-constructed prisons, the surety that we need no longer be square pegs in round holes but can fit and belong in God’s scheme of things—these are the permanent and legitimate satisfactions of right living for which no amount of pomp and circumstance, no heap of material possessions, could possibly be substitutes. True ambition is not what we thought it was. True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God.

These little studies of A.A.’s Twelve Steps now come to a close. We have been considering so many problems that it may appear that A.A. consists mainly of racking dilemmas and troubleshooting. To a certain extent, that is true. We have been talking about problems because we are problem people who have found a way up and out, and who wish to share our knowledge of that way with all who can use it. For it is only by accepting and solving our problems that we can begin to get right with ourselves and with the world about us, and with Him who presides over us all [or some of us]. Understanding is the key to right principles and attitudes, and right action is the key to good living; therefore the joy of good living is the theme of A.A.’s Twelfth Step.

With each passing day of our lives, may every one of us sense more deeply the inner meaning of A.A.’s simple prayer:

God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can,

And wisdom to know the difference.“

(our emphases)(our observations in red print)

Comment: Ignoring again the overt religiosity (and Bill W's 'purple prose' style) this section must be absolutely excruciating for cult members to read – which is why they avoid it like the plague. But perhaps Wayne P – among others - might like to check out (and inwardly digest) this essay. Who knows? He might learn a thing or two!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)