1. The
“Venerable C” will not sponsor men with beards because:
a) he's
pogonophobic (has a fear of beards)
b) he's
envious. He can't grow one himself
c) he
thinks men who grow beards have something to hide
2.
Newcomers MUST stay out of of saunas because:
a)
newcomers should stay out of ALL WET PLACES
b)
they'll get athletes foot
c) they
might meet naughty homosexuals who will do unspeakable things to them
3. You
should not smoke cigarettes because:
a) it
causes cancer
b) it
makes your clothes smell nasty
c) you're
not sober – you're SMOKING your drink!
4. A
sponsor who diagnosed his sponsee as suffering from self-pity and not
depression was qualified as:
a) a
psychiatrist
b) a
therapist
c) a
plumber
5. A
certain well known cult leader was asked why he had rung up a
newcomer. He replied:
a) I
wanted to extend the hand of friendship
b) I
wanted to see how he was
c)
because my sponsor told me to
6. When
is it OK for an AA member to DEMAND a lift from another member?
a)
they're having a panic attack and desperately need help
b)
they're having a heart attack and need to get to a hospital – fast
c)
they're your sponsor – and they say so!
7. When
it is NOT OK (and even physically dangerous) to call another member
an “ego-maniac”?
a) if
it's not true
b) if
they are - but they're working on it
c) if
they are - but they're also (three guesses?).... your SPONSOR
8. What
should a sponsor do if their sponsee has a relapse?
a) be
there when (and if) their sponsee wants help
b) remind
themselves that there BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD......
c) sack
the sponsee because it makes them (the sponsor) look bad
9. When
is it not OK to mention the word “suicide”?
a) in
front of the bereaved relatives
b) when
there's a Roman Catholic priest around
c) when
Happy Dennis is around
10. When
is it mandatory for everyone to hold hands and “jump for joy” in
an AA meeting?
a) you've
just won a roll-over on the lottery and you want to celebrate
b) you've
just got rid of your (cult) sponsor
c) you're
attending THAT meeting in Ealing
11. What
did a well known cult leader (and “trusted servant” in West Kent
intergroup) do when he was exposed as lying to that intergroup?
a) own
up, make amends and resign
b) own up
and resign
c) shriek
loudly and walk out of the meeting
12: When
is it OK NOT to be “happy, joyous and free”?
a) when
your dog has just died
b) when
you've woken up to the fact that you're just human after all
c) when
your sponsor's not around
Yep – we
managed to put together TWELVE questions. There were more but they
were so bizarre that we couldn't possibly put them here – and you
wouldn't believe them anyway!
And the
answers! Well you probably worked out our system. If you answered c)
for the first eleven you were spot on!
1c:
Clancy won't sponsor men with beards because they've got something to
hide! (but no one knows what yet! Crafty buggers!)
2c: David
C's latest edict – stay out of saunas! You don't know what you
might pick up!
3c: A gem
from the cult meeting Tankerton (East Kent). We're not sure if
this applies to “wacky baccy” - probably!
4c: Gavin
the plumber (Strood cult meeting – West Kent) – and part time
mental health specialist - made this diagnosis of a newcomer.
Subsequently proven wrong we might add!
5c: David
C “The Icon” made this admission to the newcomer himself! What
must they have thought! It's nice to know your welcome is so sincere!
6c: Billy
“the Kid” (a mean hombre from Hampton Wick, Friday/Richmond
(Ormond Rd), Tuesday DEMANDED he be given by a lift by a sponsee
– end of!
7c: Billy
“the Kid” - again! Likes to get up close and personal! We told
you he was one mean hombre! (not sure which part of the AA message
includes fisticuffs?)
8c:
Anonymous (but from West Kent). Remember! In the cult image is all!
9c: Happy
Dennis (Ealing) gets 'unhappy' if we use this word because: “we
don't use that word …... we're happy!”
10c:
Ealing again – at the end of the meeting everyone gets in a circle,
holds hands, and jumps in the air because they're so …... HAPPY!
(Honest! No word of a lie!)
11c: Mark
M – cult leader Strood Thursday (West Kent) when trying to pull a
fast one at West Kent Intergroup
12: This
was a trick question – all three were the correct answer!
Cheerio
The Fellas
(Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)
