Questions and Answers on Sponsorship

Having given the AA preamble the 'once over' recently we thought we'd apply the same approach to the booklet “Questions and Answers on Sponsorship”. This piece of AA (conference approved) literature as you can see is available free online (as is most of our literature with the exception of various books (but see the “Big Book” (“Alcoholics Anonymous”) and the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions).

Sponsorship means many things to many people. Generally it has a benign impact but in the hands of the cult it has become a weapon of control, widely abused, and barely recognisable when compared with its exposition in AA literature (eg. “Alcoholics Anonymous” Chapter Seven - Working With Others, the above booklet etc). It's interesting to note that those groups (Roadies, Joys of Recovery, Back to Basics, Primary Purpose blah blah blah) who lay such stress (ad nauseam) on the benefits (even necessity) of sponsorship (or some kind of recovery 'expert') rarely if ever make reference to these texts (eg. Joe and Charlie in their so-called Big Book study virtually ignore the above chapter from the Big Book). The reasons why become clear when you contrast their approach with those recommended by AA generally. Fortunately anyone conversant with the relevant sections can easily avoid falling into the trap of being stuck with a cult control freak (and the nightmare that generally follows from such associations!), or, once “armed with the facts”, can extricate themselves without too much difficulty from the unwholesome clutches of these warped individuals. At this point we'd like to draw your attention to some important principles: Step Three; two of the three “pertinent ideas” b) and c) (BB, Chapter Five); Tradition 12 (as well as the section discussing Step Three in the Big Book):

Step 3: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

Note: This step does NOT say “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over the care of our sponsor.”

Again in Chapter Five, How It Works (online edition, p. 60): 

“(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism;

(c) That God could and would if He were sought.”

(our emphases)

ie. “no human power” (including a sponsor) is going to sort this problem out. On the contrary it will require the intervention of a Greater Power (howsoever this may be conceived) to produce the required results. 

Tradition 12: 

“Twelve—Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.” (short form) 

“12.—And finally, we of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the principle of anonymity has an immense spiritual significance. It reminds us that we are to place principles before personalities; that we are actually to practice a genuine humility. This to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all.” (long form)

(our emphases)

Again the principles of the fellowship and recovery programme are of far greater significance than any personal (and therefore necessarily partial) interpretation offered by the local 'guru', 'super sober', circuit speaker, Big Book 'expert' etc. Each member of AA is responsible for their OWN recovery and for no one else's. We repeat – no sponsor is going to fix you. Your recovery is dependent on you and your own conception of a Power greater than yourself.

Finally if you take a couple of minutes to read Step Three in the Big Book (Chapter Five, pp. 60-62) you will find a perfect description of a control freak in action

Since the booklet itself is some 32 pages long (and we're more than enthusiastic advocates of “Easy Does It” and “First Things First”!) we'll be dissecting it in easy stages over the next few weeks (commencing tomorrow).

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

Brick Lane Big Book Study Saturday

We quote:

“Hello there,

Your site is invaluable and I'm so relieved I've found it. The development of cult-like behaviour and practices in AA is deeply concerning and I've seen the effects on vulnerable newcomer members first hand. I have a new meeting for your list, it's the 6pm Brick Lane Big Book Study Saturday meeting, in London.

 
The sponsorship and ideology that happens there is fundamentally cult, not AA. Newcomers are asked to find their part in things such as childhood abuse or domestic violence, told to cut off from old friends and family completely, mandated to attend certain meetings and if they don't, they're dumped as sponsees, and mandated to street step very early in the morning. They are made to work from a computer on worksheets and if they don't have Internet access or word processing programs they're told they don't want recovery enough. They're told to come off all their medications, and if seeking work, they have to run the jobs they're applying for past their sponsors first, as well as all other life changes. They have to check in with their sponsors multiple times a day, which again for destitute newcomers is impossible, as that requires phone credit. They're discouraged from attending meetings viewed as not strict enough or not carrying the AA message (in other words, all meetings apart from their meetings). They are silenced from sharing about depression or suicidal thinking as it is viewed as 'carrying the mess, not the message'. The people who have talked to me and other concerned members have found it incredibly hard to disclose, as the gaslighting and guilt tripping that goes on is deep and pervasive, such as being told they'll make people ill, destroy AA due to self will run riot, deny recovery to newcomers, and/or relapse and die, etc. Most members in East London who have been around long enough are aware of the practices in this group, and they even have a nickname. We suggest alternatives that occur at the same time, if newcomers express an interest in attending this meeting. Luckily, in London, we have 700+ meetings a week to choose from, but I feel extremely sad for members in other parts of the country who don't have as much of a choice, and just need a meeting. 

This group frequents and run the service board for at least another two meetings in the East London area, and recruit from there too. I have only been to one of those meetings, in my early days, and I do not remember the message carried, but I do remember being denied a service position - it has since become clear that they fill service positions in their cult groups from within their sponsorship structure, and I already had a sponsor, therefore was more than likely viewed as not being one of the group (which I am now very grateful for). I have attended the Brick Lane one several times, however, and it seems evident that this is the mothership meeting for their practices.

I hope this meeting can go onto your list. I am happy to send the other two meetings as well if you think this is appropriate.



A grateful and concerned AA member”

Comment: The above pretty much summarises the activities of cult groups in AA. They come in a number of shapes and sizes ranging from the local 'guru' (usually self appointed) who's set up shop peddling his/her profound (?) insights into the AA programme based more often than not on an entirely idiosyncratic, overly literalistic, highly selective (cf. Tom and Jerry's …. sorry …. Joe and Charlie's daft series of lectures on the subject .. whatever did happen to Chapter 8 Working with Others ???) reading of the tome …. to complete franchise operations like the Road to Recovery, Primary Purpose and not forgetting of course (who could) Back to Basics (which is a nice little earner for its chief proponent Wally P) These aberrations are usually personality driven (see Tradition 12) propped up by an abusive 'sponsorship' hierarchy and entirely fear based. Should a new 'prospect' fail to comply with their new 'sponsor's' “suggestions” (?) the ultimate sanction is invoked ie. you'll drink again!! This is usually sufficient to bring them back 'into line'. Of course there's nothing mysterious at all about how AA works. Belief in any kind of divinity is entirely optional. The fundamental driving force behind AA is quite simply the fellowship, and the most evident example of AA's efficacy is the fact that people not only get sober but REMAIN sober for their entire lifetimes. This is an empirical and undeniable fact. The real power behind AA is the power of EXAMPLE... and preferably good example. Stick around people who stay drink free and who conduct themselves in a reasonably civilised fashion (ie. don't spend their time throwing their weight around and lecturing everyone in sight) and the chances are pretty good that you'll stay off the sauce as well. It really is that simple. How you practice the program or even which version you adopt is pretty much irrelevant. Being able to recite bits out of the Big Book really impresses nobody. It's a nice party trick perhaps but slightly boring after a while. Just put the drink down and get on with your life the best you can.. that's it!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS Thanks to our correspondent

Missing a moral 'compass'?

Have you ever encountered members who seem to have completely mislaid their ethical or moral 'compass' (if they ever had one in the first place)? You know the type ….. they'll happily lecture everyone else on how to practise the programme 'right' and then do the precise opposite themselves. People like David B (founder of the Joys of Recovery and its various offshoots - didn't have a sponsor but insisted everyone else had to have one!), David C (took over the reins after the welcome demise of David B - a grade A religious bigot and control freak – last seen down El Cerrito way spreading the 'disease'!), Wayne P (sponsored by Clancy – a serial philanderer – he seems to have a big problem keeping his trousers on), Clancy (Pacific Group - likes to play the big shot with a sideline in shaming others … in other words … a thug!), Wally P (a serial monogamist who runs Back to Basics – a nice little earner), Joe and Charlie (Primary Purpose – yet more control freaks who liked to bore AA members into recovery with their incessant lecturing), Mike Quinones (serial sexual predator who ran the Midtown Groups – also sponsored by Clancy) not to mention AA's innumerable (and growing) army of recovery 'experts' eagerly mimicking their efforts as they busily rush about organising AA (?) 'workshops', churning out yet more audio files on so-called 'fast track' recovery, each one desperately seeking the attention of anyone with a few bucks to spare, and the poor judgement to pass them in their direction...... You have! We thought so ….. And then you must have wondered what kind of guy would behave like that? What must possess them? Are they stupid? Or are they just sick.... or sicker than the rest of us? Well wonder no more …. all will be revealed – specifically Narcissistic Personality Disorder DSM-5 (pp. 9-10)

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS An update on our new campaign to be published shortly …. we've been very busy behind the scenes!

A new campaign

Well it's been fun but all good things must come to an end......well not really ….

We've been going (in one form or another) since 2007... seems a helluva lot longer! aacultwatch launched its Stop Press section (an early form of the blog format we later adopted) in that year with the highly edifying (and attention grabbing) title “Debbie Does Dallas”.....which proved to be highly popular (although rather disappointing for those who expected something quite different!).....

Since then we've attempted to raise awareness of cult activities in this country (and others) with some modest success. But there are only so many ways you can say the same thing (eg. Tradition Four does NOT imply unqualified group autonomy, 'sharing' your experience does NOT mean 'directing', controlling, bullying and abusing newcomers, Wayne P (Plymouth Road to Recovery CULT group) really SHOULD buy some braces to stop his trousers from falling down, Clancy I is NOT to be taken seriously (even if he does!), Joe and Charlie did NOT produce a definitive interpretation of the Big Book etc etc etc.....) and so we've decided to move on …. to bigger and better things... Over the last few weeks we've been preparing a new initiative. Whereas the aacultwatch campaign is mostly aimed at AA members (especially newcomers) we've decided that we needed to shift the focus somewhat. Our main concern has always been the welfare of those who come to AA for help (ie. NOT to be bullied). Over time we've come to the conclusion that Alcoholics Anonymous itself is structurally incapable of reform. Since there is no centralised authority any guidance offered with respect to combating bullying etc is only as effective as its local implementation. Unfortunately the latter is sorely lacking (with some notable exceptions). Collective responsibility IS implied in Tradition Four and yet there's seems to be a widespread reluctance to apply that principle. More often than not unacceptable conduct (especially where it has become effectively institutionalised ie. cult groups) goes unchecked simply because no one is prepared to grasp that particular nettle. The only effective way in which newcomers can be protected, it seems, is to ensure that they are made fully aware of the dangers they may encounter BEFORE they actually attend AA meetings. Moreover many of the agencies currently referring clients to AA (eg. probation service, treatment centres, GPs, etc) may not be cognisant of these hazards. Unfortunately, and not entirely unsurprisingly, the AA national website presents a somewhat idealised version of the fellowship. For example in their FAQ section (under Is it a cult?) the following is stated:

“Its [AA] members are not forced to attend meetings, they are free to leave at any time and the programme of recovery is simply a list of suggestions which while many do chose to follow, also many chose to go their own way about it. The majority of members quite happily fit the culture of AA into their normal life and belief systems.”

However any newcomer who attends cult groups within AA in Great Britain will very rapidly find themselves under considerable pressure to continue with (only) those particular meetings, that “suggestions” very quickly transmogrify into 'directions', and that finally there is very little if any licence to “go their own way”. The official AA 'line' fails to acknowledge the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) dynamics of cult indoctrination. This is a reality that needs to be communicated to potential members (as well as the aforementioned referring agencies) if a truer picture of AA's actual operation is to emerge.

Therefore, to remedy this deficit, we will shortly be launching a national campaign (and website) aimed directly at potential (and actual) newcomers as well as a range of referring agencies (probation service, health trusts, 12 Step treatment centres, GPs, employers etc throughout Great Britain but including other interested parties: MPs, local councils, various media, religious organisations etc). Our objective will be to draw attention to the real benefits AA may afford those who suffer from chronic alcohol addiction but not omitting the dangers inherent in attending (some) AA meetings: in our view to be forewarned is to be forearmed. This, of course, may result in some individuals electing to seek help elsewhere. However there exist a growing number of alternatives to AA both 'live' and online, free and not free, including Smart Recovery, counselling, psychotherapy, Stop Drinking ….. Priority should always be given to the welfare of the individual rather than the reputation, deserved or not, of any organisation (including AA).

The existing aacultwatch site will remain 'live' but our activity will be much reduced. However if anyone wishes to draw our attention to (and potentially publicise) cult misconduct please do not hesitate to contact us.

Finally we would like to thank all our supporters (and various contributors) past and present without whom aacultwatch would literally not exist!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

Conference questions not quite up to par! (contd)

43. 
Would Conference consider updating the guideline on bullying and conduct in AA, as how AA members should best deal with being bullied or abused anonymously on the internet by AA members?

Background

There are public internet websites in the UK run by UK AA members which regularly name people in the UK fellowship who are identifiable to all members in their regional area. The current guidelines do not cover this eventuality. Members attacked in this way are in an unfortunate position as the internet is not only regional, but national. Also the attacks are by anonymous people so there is no recourse for response. This seems to be an area not covered by the guidelines but one which is causing great upset to a number of members, and disunity on a local and regional level. This is not a local issue as the websites are usually not written by AA members in a different area to that of the people they are bullying. There is national input into these websites, and national distribution.

Terms of Reference No. 7 There have been several submissions covering this topic and a question has been selected that encompasses all areas of the subject matter with appropriate background material.

Comment: As always there's a simple solution! If the bullies, abusers and thugs who regularly appear on our blog discontinue their activities then they will disappear from our site. If not we will continue to publicise their names (and conduct) as widely as possible.... even internationally! We are referring of course to Jon F, Alexis K, Wayne P [Road to Recovery cult group Plymouth], Wally P [Back to Basics franchise, con merchant], Wayne B [Step'n Ahead/Last Mile Foundation .. or whatever it's called these days .. another con man], Harry K [aka Batman – coke head and control freak hailing from CA], Harry A [aka 'the Handbag', 'pill-head' and control freak, East Kent], Richard E [coke head and thug also hailing from CA], Billy [the Kid, thug and control freak, Hampton Wick Friday, Esher Saturday], David B [deceased – but not forgotten – founder of Joys of Recovery and various offshoots – control freak, tried to manipulate his way on to the General Service Board - failed. See also The Fix, AA Cults I Have Known], David C [heir to David B, bigot, control freak, co-publisher of various cult websites, sponsor to Happy Dennis ['fruitcake in residence' Ealing]], Chris R, Myers R [US, both run the Primary Purpose franchise with a sideline in book-binding flogging upmarket Big Book covers to the undiscerning punter], Joe and Charlie [self-proclaimed recovery 'experts' whose extremely patchy (whatever did happen to Chapter 7?) 'Big Book study' has been misinforming AA members for years], Clancy [US, another control freak, Pacific Group 'guru', did a regular 'turn' at the Bristol Reunion, and 'anti beard' for some reason!], Mike Q(uinones) (US, Midtown deceased – good riddance! Sexual predator, control freak etc)... the list goes on.....We're sure we've missed a few other assorted predators, abusers, paedophiles, perverts etc along the way but be sure to mail us and we'll be happy to publicise your activities on the site. We think you get our drift!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS For AA Minority Report 2013 click here

PPS Plymouth Intergroup corruption

For the attention of the Big Book 'Thumpers' (or 'Nutters' as we prefer to call them)....

The sections they always seem to miss (including Joe and Charlie in their so-called “Big Book study"!)

We quote:

AA Big Book

Chapter 7 - Working With Others

“Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when other fail. Remember they are very ill.

Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends — this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.

Perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. You can easily find some by asking a few doctors, ministers, priests or hospitals. They will be only too glad to assist you. Don't start out as an evangelist or reformer. Unfortunately a lot of prejudice exists. You will be handicapped if you arouse it. Ministers and doctors are competent and you can learn much from them if you wish, but it happens that because of your own drinking experience you can be uniquely useful to other alcoholics. So cooperate; never criticize. To be helpful is our only aim.

When you discover a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous, find out all you can about him. If he does not want to stop drinking, don't waste time trying to persuade him. You may spoil a later opportunity. This advice is given for his family also. They should be patient, realizing they are dealing with a sick person.

If there is any indication that he wants to stop, have a good talk with the person most interested in him —usually his wife. Get an idea of his behavior, his problems, his background, the seriousness of his condition, and his religious leanings. You need this information to put yourself in his place, to see how you would like him to approach you if the tables were turned.

Sometimes it is wise to wait till he goes on a binge. The family may object to this, but unless he is in a dangerous physical condition, it is better to risk it. Don't deal with him when he is very drunk, unless he is ugly and the family needs your help. Wait for the end of the spree, or at least for a lucid interval. Then let his family or a friend ask him if he wants to quit for good and if he would go to any extreme to do so. If he says yes, then his attention should be drawn to you as a person who has recovered. You should be described to him as one of a fellowship who, as part of their own recovery, try to help others and who will be glad to talk to him if he cares to see you.

If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him. Neither should the family hysterically plead with him to do anything, nor should they tell him much about you. They should wait for the end of his next drinking bout. You might place this book where he can see it in the interval. Here no specific rule can be given. The family must decide these things. But urge them not to be over-anxious, for that might spoil matters.

Usually the family should not try to tell your story. When possible, avoid meeting a man through his family. Approach through a doctor or an institution is a better bet. If your man needs hospitalization, he should have it, but not forcibly unless he is violent. Let the doctor, if he will, tell him he has something in the way of a solution.

When your man is better, the doctor might suggest a visit from you. Though you have talked with the family, leave them out of the first discussion. Under these conditions your prospect will see he is under not pressure. He will feel he can deal with you without being nagged by his family. Call on him while he is still jittery. He may be more receptive when depressed.

See your man alone, if possible. At first engage in general conversation. After a while, turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Tell him enough about your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak of himself. If he wishes to talk, let him do so. You will thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed. If he is not communicative, give him a sketch or your drinking career up to the time you quit. But say nothing, for the moment, of how that was accomplished. If he is in a serious mood dwell on the troubles liquor has caused you, being careful not to moralize or lecture. If his mood is light, tell him humorous stories of your escapades. Get him to tell some of his.

When he sees you know all about the drinking game, commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic. Tell him how baffled you were, how you finally learned that you were sick. Give him an account of the struggles you made to stop. Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism. If he is alcoholic, he will understand you at once. He will match you mental inconsistencies with some of his own.

If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic, begin to dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady. Show him, from your own experience, how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power. Don't, at this stage, refer to this book, unless he has seen it and wishes to discuss it. And be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusion. If he sticks to the idea that he can still control his drinking, tell him that possibly he can — if he is not too alcoholic. But insist that if he is severely afflicted, there may be little chance he can recover by himself.

Continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness, a fatal malady. Talk about the conditions of body and mind which accompany it. Keep his attention focused mainly on your personal experience. Explain that many are doomed who never realize their predicament. Doctors are rightly loath to tell alcoholic patients the whole story unless it will serve some good purpose. But you may talk to him about the hopelessness of alcoholism because you offer a solution. You will soon have you friend admitting he has many, if not all, of the traits of the alcoholic. If his own doctor is willing to tell him that he is alcoholic, so much the better. Even though your protege may not have entirely admitted his condition, he has become very curious to know how you got well. Let him ask you that question, if he will. Tell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely. If the man be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a Power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual principles.

When dealing with such a person, you had better use everyday language to describe spiritual principles. There is no use arousing any prejudice he may have against certain theological terms and conceptions about which he may already be confused. Don't raise such issues, no matter what your own convictions are.

Your prospect may belong to a religious denomination. His religious education and training may be far superior to yours. In that case he is going to wonder how you can add anything to what he already knows. But he well be curious to learn why his own convictions have not worked and why yours seem to work so well. He may be an example of the truth that faith alone is insufficient. To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action. Let him see that you are not there to instruct him in religion. Admit that he probably knows more about it than you do, but call to his attention the fact that however deep his faith and knowledge, he could not have applied it or he would not drink, Perhaps your story will help him see where he has failed to practice the very precepts he knows so well. We represent no particular faith or denomination. We are dealing only with general principles common to most denominations.

Outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful to him. It is important for him to realize that your attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in your recovery. Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him. Make it plain he is under no obligation to you, that you hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties. Suggest how important it is that he place the welfare of other people ahead of his own. Make it clear that he is not under pressure, that he needn't see you again if he doesn't want to. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him. If your talk has been sane, quiet and full of human understanding, you have perhaps made a friend. Maybe you have disturbed him about the question of alcoholism. This is all to the good. The more hopeless he feels, the better. he will be more likely to follow your suggestions.

Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all of the program. He may rebel at the thought of a drastic housecleaning which requires discussion with other people. Do not contradict such views. Tell him you once felt as he does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action. On your first visit tell him about the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. If he shows interest, lend him your copy of this book.

Unless your friend wants to talk further about himself, do not wear out your welcome. Give him a chance to think it over. If you do stay , let him steer the conversation in any direction he like. Sometimes a new man is anxious to proceed at once, and you may be tempted to let him do so. This is sometimes a mistake. If he has trouble later, he is likely to say you rushed him. You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform. Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help.

If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets hurts some more.

If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you again, ask him to read this book in the interval. After doing that, he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on. He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God, the desire must come from within.

If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us. But point out that we alcoholics have much in common and that you would like, in any case, to be friendly. Let it go at that. Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. One of our Fellowship failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects. He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have since recovered, of their chance.

Suppose now you are making your second visit to a man. He has read this volume and says he is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery. Having had the experience yourself, you can give him much practical advice. Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision and tell his story, but do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else.

He may be broke and homeless. If he is, you might try to help him about getting a job, or give him a little financial assistance. But you should not deprive your family or creditors of money they should have. Perhaps you will want to take the man into your home for a few days. But be sure you use discretion. Be certain he will be welcomed by your family, and that he is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections, or shelter. Permit that and you only harm him. You will be making it possible for him to be insincere. You may be aiding in his destruction rather than his recovery.

Never avoid these responsibilities, but be sure you are doing the right thing if you assume them. Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights' sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. It may mean sharing your money and your home, counseling frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails and asylums. Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night. Your wife may sometimes say she is neglected. A drunk may smash the furniture in your home, or burn a mattress. You may have to fight with him if he is violent. Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and administer sedatives under his direction. Another time you may have to send for the police or an ambulance. Occasionally you will have to meet such conditions.

We seldom allow an alcoholic to live in our homes for long at a time. It is not good for him, and it sometimes creates serious complications in a family.

Though an alcoholic does not respond, there is no reason why you should neglect his family. You should continue to be friendly to them. The family should be offered your way of life. Should they accept and practice spiritual principles, there is a much better change that the head of the family will recover. And even though he continues to drink, the family will find life more bearable.

For the type of alcoholic who is able and willing to get well, little charity, in the ordinary sense of the word, is need or wanted. The men who cry for money and shelter before conquering alcohol, are on the wrong track. Yet we do go to great extremes to provide each other with these very things, when such action is warranted. This may seem inconsistent, but we think it is not.

It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give. That often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job — wife or no wife — we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.

Now, the domestic problem: There may be divorce, separation, or just strained relations. When your prospect has made such reparation as he can to his family, and has thoroughly explained to them the new principles by which he is living, he should proceed to put those principles into action at home. That is, if he is lucky enough to have a home. Though his family be at fault in many respects, he should not be concerned about that. He should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. Argument and fault-finding are to be avoided like the plague. In many homes this is a difficult thing to do, but it must be done if any results are to be expected. If persisted in for a few months, the effect on a man's family is sure to be great. The most incompatible people discover they have a basis upon which they can meet. Little by little the family may see their own defects and admit them. These can then be discussed in an atmosphere of helpfulness and friendliness.

After they have seen tangible results, the family will perhaps want to go along. These things will come to pass naturally and in good time provided, however, the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be sober, considerate, and helpful, regardless of what anyone says or does. Of course, we all fall much below this standard many times. But we must try to repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty by a spree.

If there be divorce or separation, there should be no undue haste for the couple to get together. The man should be sure of his recovery. The wife should fully understand his new way of life. If their old relationship is to be resumed it must be on a better basis, since the former did not work. This means a new attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is to the best interests of all concerned that a couple remain apart. Obviously, no rule can be laid down. Let the alcoholic continue his program day by day. When the time for living together has come, it will be apparent to both parties.

Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. This just isn't so. In some cases the wife will never come back for one reason or another. Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God. We have seen men get well whose families have not returned at all. We have seen others slip when the family came back too soon.

Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!

When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do. But urge upon a man's family that he has been a very sick person and should be treated accordingly. You should warn against arousing resentment or jealousy. You should point out that his defects of character are not going to disappear over night. Show them that he has entered upon a period of growth. Ask them to remember, when they are impatient, the blessed fact of his sobriety.

If you have been successful in solving your own domestic problems, tell the newcomer's family how that was accomplished. In this way you can set them on the right track without becoming critical of them. The story of how you and your wife settled your difficulties is worth any amount of criticism.

Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.

We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.

In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.

You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!

Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor.

Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed.

Many of us keep liquor in our homes. We often need it to carry green recruits through a severe hangover. Some of us still serve it to our friends provided they are not alcoholic. But some of us think we should not serve liquor to anyone. We never argue this question. We feel that each family, in the light of their own circumstances, ought to decide for themselves.

We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witchburners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it.

Some day we hope that Alcoholics Anonymous will help the public to a better realization of the gravity of the alcoholic problem, but we shall be of little use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility. Drinkers will not stand for it.

After all, our problems were of our own making. Bottles were only a symbol. Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We have to!”

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous) 

PS Our thanks to the US member for sending in this piece

General Service Conference-Approved Literature

“Service Material from the General Service Office

CONFERENCE-APPROVED LITERATURE

“Conference-approved" - What It Means to You

The term “Conference-approved” describes written or audiovisual material approved by the Conference for publication by G.S.O. This process assures that everything in such literature is in accord with A.A. principles [see Traditions]. Conference-approved material always deals with the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous or with information about the A.A. Fellowship.

The term has no relation to material not published by G.S.O. It does not imply Conference disapproval of other material about A.A. A great deal of literature helpful to alcoholics is published by others, and A.A. does not try to tell any individual member what he or she may or may not read [a fairly self-evident statement. Most people could probably work out that one out by themselves. However such material would not have to conform to AA principles eg. Primary Purpose material viz. the AA programme according to Joe and Charlie's so-called “Big Book study”, Wally P Back to Basics etc].

Conference approval assures us that a piece of literature represents solid A.A. experience [which presumably doesn't imply that any non-Conference approved literature doesn't represent solid AA experience – but then how would a newcomer know that for example?]. Any Conference-approved booklet or pamphlet goes through a lengthy and painstaking process, during which a variety of A.A.s from all over the United States and Canada read and express opinions at every stage of production.

How To Tell What Is and What Is Not Conference-Approved

Look for the statement on books, pamphlets and audiovisual materials:

“This is A.A. General Service Conference-approved literature”

Not All “A.A. Literature” Is Conference-Approved

Central offices and intergroups do write and distribute pamphlets or booklets that are not Conference-approved. If such pieces meet the needs of the local membership, they may be legitimately classified as “A.A. literature.” There is no conflict between A.A. World Services, Inc. (A.A.W.S. – publishers of Conference-approved literature), and central offices or intergroups – rather they complement each other. The Conference does not disapprove of such material [we have to assume that such material is subjected to the same degree of rigorous inspection as that applied by AAWS – or do we? Moreover this licence to publish such material – if it may be called that – seems to fail to take into account Tradition Four ie. not only must it satisfy the needs of a “local membership” it must also satisfy the requirement that the respective publications produce no 'adverse' impact on “other groups or AA as a whole”. Moreover see Traditions relating to non-endorsement, non-affiliation etc. Those groups which use non-conference approved literature emanating from outside sources are effectively endorsing and aligning themselves with those same entities eg. Primary Purpose, Back to Basics amongst others thereby contributing to yet another breach of the Traditions].

G.S.O. does develop some literature that does not have to be approved by the Conference, such as Service Material, Guidelines and bulletins.

Available at Most A.A. Groups

Most local A.A. groups purchase and display a representative sampling of Conference approved pamphlets, and usually carry a supply of hardcover books. Conference approved literature may be available at central offices and intergroups, or it may be ordered directly from G.S.O. Groups normally offer pamphlets free of charge, and the books at cost [but see: The Big Book makes a tidy little profit!]

Grapevine and Conference Approval

An often asked question is whether or not Grapevine is “Conference-approved.” General Service Conference approval is a lengthy review process that can take years for longer projects, with several stages of committee evaluation along the way.

Since Grapevine comes out 12 times a year, and the Conference meets only once a year, the magazine would never come off the press if it had to go through the Conference review process. However, the Conference has always supported the concept of Grapevine and, in 1986, a Conference Advisory Action specifically addressed the issue of Conference approval for the first time with the following statement: “Since each issue of (the) Grapevine cannot go through the Conference approval process, the Conference recognizes (the) Grapevine as the international journal of Alcoholics Anonymous.” In addition, the Conference Charter guarantees the right of Grapevine’s editor to accept or reject material for publication; there is a Conference Committee on Grapevine, formed in 1954; and any Grapevine or La Viña matter of importance to the Fellowship as a whole is brought to the Conference through that committee.

So, the concept of Grapevine has been endorsed by the Conference as a whole and the use of Grapevine and its publications as recovery tools has been encouraged throughout the Fellowship year after year [however this does suggest - editorial discretion notwithstanding - that information published in this fashion should be treated with rather more circumspection than approved literature. Grapevine, in particular, at one stage might better have been described as the 'Plymouth (Road to Recovery) Echo' (cult group) so infested was it with articles relating to their particular sponsorship-obsessed brand of recovery!].

Copyright

Conference-approved literature is copyrighted with the Copyright Office, Library of Congress, Washington, D.C., U.S.A. To insure the continued integrity of A.A. literature, and to make sure the A.A. recovery program will not be distorted or diluted, permission to reprint must be obtained from A.A.W.S. in writing. Permission to reprint Grapevine content must be obtained from A.A. Grapevine, Inc. (AAGV) in writing [but see copyright law, in particular Fair Use and Fair Dealing].

However, A.A. newsletters, bulletins, or meeting lists have blanket permission to use the material, providing proper credit is given to insure that the copyrights of A.A. literature are protected. Please visit aagrapevine.org http://www.aagrapevine.org/website-policy for the copyright and reprint policy that applies to AAGV, Inc. content.

The A.A. Preamble is copyrighted by A.A. Grapevine, Inc. (not by A.A. World Services). Beneath it, these words should appear: “Reprinted with permission of A.A. Grapevine, Inc.” The Steps and Traditions should be followed by these words: “Reprinted with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.”” [but see Fair Use above]

(our emphases)(our observations in red print)

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

How NOT to carry the AA message (à la Joe and Charlie)

Extracts from the aacultwatch forum (old)

“........ The following extracts from Joe McQ’s “Carry This Message – A Guide to Big Book Sponsorship” disturb me because A.A. sponsors do not have a right to pressure, teach, coerce or discipline newcomers. We are all equals in A.A. A newcomer to A.A. has an equal status to his/her sponsor. A.A. sponsors simply share their experience strength and hope with newcomers on a basis of mutual need. Whether or not a newcomer decides to take the steps and when, where, how, and with whom, is entirely up to them to decide for themselves and it is not for anyone else to decide for them. The A.A. program is based purely on attraction. I think the influence of Joe’s McQ’s sponsorship guide has a lot to do with newcomers leaving A.A. and it has a lot to do with the associated bad press which accuses A.A. of cult-like behaviour. I find the following extracts from Joe McQ’s book disturbing because they give any power driven narcissist a green light to go and find someone to bully and control. They are the exact opposite values to the equality given to every A.A. member that is expressed in A.A. literature concerning sponsorship.

Extracts from “Carry This Message – A Guide to Big Book Sponsorship” by Joe McQ published 1990, August House Inc:

“There wasn’t as much pressure- there wasn’t such a desperate need – to coerce him or her into thoroughly working the steps. (Page 3)

“Without the ‘coercion’ of being sold on these ideas, we have the phenomenon of people doing strange things like taking one step a year…” (Page 4)

“As sponsors we know, there are certain things we require of a sponsoree… … … he has to carry out his assignments and do the things you ask him to do” (page 25).

“… … we are working with an undisciplined person. Assignments should be given, and the sponsor should make it clear to the person that assignments have to be done by a specific time…..there are certain things we require of a sponsoree… …  He has to carry out his assignments and do the things you ask him to do … … Dr. Bob said ‘Get down on your knees.’ And they took step 3… … But an alcoholic can do just about anything you make her do. If you insist that she do certain things, she’ll get them done. She has to go from the undisciplined to the disciplined… … At our treatment centre, Serenity Park, we require all the clients get a sponsor within the third week… The sponsor teaches discipline… … everything is working on this undisciplined person… …. An undisciplined person may fight discipline, but it has to be enforced to help the person….” (Pages, 26, 27)

"You can’t just say to the sponsoree ‘go start on your inventory’ because it might take him a month, maybe two.  Create a schedule by saying something like, ‘We are going to work on resentments for two days’ then do the other inventories similarly, with a schedule for each one which doesn’t allow the sponsoree to skimp, but moves him or her along at a good pace….(Step Four assignment).

"You need to move your sponsoree along pretty fast…. but you need to keep the sponsoree busy and keep her moving… you should just move him right on through them bam, bam, bam, bam. Keep the momentum…..” (Page 65)

“Remember that all the people in our fellowship groups are not really alcoholics… … … They aren’t really alcoholics – because an alcoholic can’t do that. They don’t usually stay; they just come in an out of our fellowship. But they don’t have a message to share…..” (Page 65)

Contrary to Joe McQ’s sponsorship, there are absolutely no requirements to AA membership other than a desire to stop drinking. No AA sponsor has the authority to say to a newcomer that he/she ‘has’ to do anything. There is no requirement for a newcomer to take the steps in any conventional sense or to have a sponsor, as Bill W. is quoted below: “All people having an alcohol problem who wish to get rid of it and make a happy adjustment to their lives, become A.A. members by simply associating with us. Nothing but sincerity is asked of anyone.”

“For example, The Twelve Steps of our AA program are not crammed down anybody’s throat. They are not sustained by any human authority.” (Bill W. Extract, “Rules’ Dangerous but Unity vital” The Language of the Heart p 8. AA Grapevine September 1948)

“One of the great insights Dr. Bob and I shared was that all true communication must be founded on mutual need. Never could we talk down to anyone, certainly not another alcoholic. We saw that each sponsor would have to admit his own needs, as clearly as those of his prospect. Here was the foundation of A.A.’s Twelfe Step to recovery, the Step in which we carry the message.” (Bill W. 1953, extract, ‘The Language of the Heart’; The Language of the Heart p 247)

“I was no longer a teacher or a preacher.” Bill W. (Bill W. extract, A Fragment of History: Origin Of The Twelve Steps, AA Grapevine July 1953, The Language of the Heart p 199)

“You see, our talk was a completely mutual thing “I had quit preaching, I knew I needed this alcoholic as much as he needed me.” (Bill W. Alcoholics Anonymous Come of Age p 70)

“History has shown that whatever their several merits, neither preaching nor moralizing has ever made much impression on alcoholics as a whole.” (Bill W. Extract’ On the Alcoholism Front’ AA Grapevine March 1958, The Language of the Heart p186)

“4. It was discovered that all forms of coercion, both direct and indirect, had to be dropped. We found that ‘checking’ in the hands of amateurs too often resulted in criticism, and that resulted in resentment, which is probably the most serious problem the average alcoholic is troubled with….

6 ….. We can never say to anyone (or insinuate) that he must agree to our formula or be excommunicated. The atheist may stand up in an A.A. meeting denying God, yet reporting how he has been helped in other ways….

7. In order to carry the principle of inclusiveness and tolerance still further, we make no religious requirement of anyone. All people having an alcohol problem who wish to get rid of it and make a happy adjustment to their lives, become A.A. members by simply associating with us. Nothing but sincerity is asked of anyone.  In this atmosphere the orthodox, unorthodox, and the unbeliever mix happily and usefully together.” (Bill W.  Extracts, letter 1940, Pass it On p 171-173)

Questions and Answers on AA Sponsorship: http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf”

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

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