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Sunday, 2 November 2014

How NOT to carry the AA message (à la Joe and Charlie)


Extracts from the aacultwatch forum (old)

........ The following extracts from Joe McQ’s “Carry This Message – A Guide to Big Book Sponsorship” disturb me because A.A. sponsors do not have a right to pressure, teach, coerce or discipline newcomers. We are all equals in A.A. A newcomer to A.A. has an equal status to his/her sponsor. A.A. sponsors simply share their experience strength and hope with newcomers on a basis of mutual need. Whether or not a newcomer decides to take the steps and when, where, how, and with whom, is entirely up to them to decide for themselves and it is not for anyone else to decide for them. The A.A. program is based purely on attraction. I think the influence of Joe’s McQ’s sponsorship guide has a lot to do with newcomers leaving A.A. and it has a lot to do with the associated bad press which accuses A.A. of cult-like behaviour. I find the following extracts from Joe McQ’s book disturbing because they give any power driven narcissist a green light to go and find someone to bully and control. They are the exact opposite values to the equality given to every A.A. member that is expressed in A.A. literature concerning sponsorship.

Extracts from “Carry This Message – A Guide to Big Book Sponsorship” by Joe McQ published 1990, August House Inc:

There wasn’t as much pressure- there wasn’t such a desperate need – to coerce him or her into thoroughly working the steps. (Page 3)

Without the ‘coercion’ of being sold on these ideas, we have the phenomenon of people doing strange things like taking one step a year…” (Page 4)

As sponsors we know, there are certain things we require of a sponsoree… … … he has to carry out his assignments and do the things you ask him to do” (page 25).

“… … we are working with an undisciplined person. Assignments should be given, and the sponsor should make it clear to the person that assignments have to be done by a specific time…..there are certain things we require of a sponsoree… …  He has to carry out his assignments and do the things you ask him to do … … Dr. Bob said ‘Get down on your knees.’ And they took step 3… … But an alcoholic can do just about anything you make her do. If you insist that she do certain things, she’ll get them done. She has to go from the undisciplined to the disciplined… … At our treatment centre, Serenity Park, we require all the clients get a sponsor within the third week… The sponsor teaches discipline… … everything is working on this undisciplined person… …. An undisciplined person may fight discipline, but it has to be enforced to help the person….” (Pages, 26, 27)

"You can’t just say to the sponsoree ‘go start on your inventory’ because it might take him a month, maybe two.  Create a schedule by saying something like, ‘We are going to work on resentments for two days’ then do the other inventories similarly, with a schedule for each one which doesn’t allow the sponsoree to skimp, but moves him or her along at a good pace….(Step Four assignment).

"You need to move your sponsoree along pretty fast…. but you need to keep the sponsoree busy and keep her moving… you should just move him right on through them bam, bam, bam, bam. Keep the momentum…..” (Page 65)

Remember that all the people in our fellowship groups are not really alcoholics… … … They aren’t really alcoholics – because an alcoholic can’t do that. They don’t usually stay; they just come in an out of our fellowship. But they don’t have a message to share…..” (Page 65)

Contrary to Joe McQ’s sponsorship, there are absolutely no requirements to AA membership other than a desire to stop drinking. No AA sponsor has the authority to say to a newcomer that he/she ‘has’ to do anything. There is no requirement for a newcomer to take the steps in any conventional sense or to have a sponsor, as Bill W. is quoted below: “All people having an alcohol problem who wish to get rid of it and make a happy adjustment to their lives, become A.A. members by simply associating with us. Nothing but sincerity is asked of anyone.”

For example, The Twelve Steps of our AA program are not crammed down anybody’s throat. They are not sustained by any human authority.” (Bill W. Extract, “Rules’ Dangerous but Unity vital” The Language of the Heart p 8. AA Grapevine September 1948)

One of the great insights Dr. Bob and I shared was that all true communication must be founded on mutual need. Never could we talk down to anyone, certainly not another alcoholic. We saw that each sponsor would have to admit his own needs, as clearly as those of his prospect. Here was the foundation of A.A.’s Twelfe Step to recovery, the Step in which we carry the message.” (Bill W. 1953, extract, ‘The Language of the Heart’; The Language of the Heart p 247)

I was no longer a teacher or a preacher.” Bill W. (Bill W. extract, A Fragment of History: Origin Of The Twelve Steps, AA Grapevine July 1953, The Language of the Heart p 199)

You see, our talk was a completely mutual thing “I had quit preaching, I knew I needed this alcoholic as much as he needed me.” (Bill W. Alcoholics Anonymous Come of Age p 70)

History has shown that whatever their several merits, neither preaching nor moralizing has ever made much impression on alcoholics as a whole.” (Bill W. Extract’ On the Alcoholism Front’ AA Grapevine March 1958, The Language of the Heart p186)

4. It was discovered that all forms of coercion, both direct and indirect, had to be dropped. We found that ‘checking’ in the hands of amateurs too often resulted in criticism, and that resulted in resentment, which is probably the most serious problem the average alcoholic is troubled with….

6 ….. We can never say to anyone (or insinuate) that he must agree to our formula or be excommunicated. The atheist may stand up in an A.A. meeting denying God, yet reporting how he has been helped in other ways….

7. In order to carry the principle of inclusiveness and tolerance still further, we make no religious requirement of anyone. All people having an alcohol problem who wish to get rid of it and make a happy adjustment to their lives, become A.A. members by simply associating with us. Nothing but sincerity is asked of anyone.  In this atmosphere the orthodox, unorthodox, and the unbeliever mix happily and usefully together.” (Bill W.  Extracts, letter 1940, Pass it On p 171-173)

Questions and Answers on AA Sponsorship: http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

Cheers


The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

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