Questions and Answers on Sponsorship (contd)

The AA (General Service conference approved) booklet: Questions and Answers on Sponsorship)

Extract:

“How can a sponsor work with a newcomer who rejects help?

In such cases, there is little a sponsor can do except assure the newcomer of willingness to help, when and if needed. Occasionally, it may be wise to introduce the newcomer to an A.A. member who shares more of the newcomer’s background and interests. Sponsorship is a flexible venture, and good sponsors are themselves flexible in working with new people. It is just as much a mistake to thrust unwanted help upon a newcomer as it is to refuse help when a newcomer asks for it.”

(our emphases)

Comment: Well, for starters, respect their wishes! Pretty bloody obvious isn't it! Cult 'sponsors' (so-called! We've got another name for them! Bullies!) take note. The cult 'factory farming' of sponsees is well known. 'Assembly line' techniques hardly suffice when dealing with people new to AA (or for that matter anybody!). Here's a rough rule of thumb – if your prospective sponsor is already sponsoring more than two or three people then maybe think again! It's not altruism that drives them. It's ego.

Again it is clear to see why the cult really dislike this particular piece of AA (conference approved) literature as well as avoid like the plague any reference to Chapter 7, Working With Others, in the Big Book. Thrusting unwanted help (?) upon newcomers is pretty much what they're all about!

But remember: a sponsor is NOT ESSENTIAL to recovery. And NO sponsorship is better by far than BAD sponsorship!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

(to be continued)

Alcohol research

The “Outsider's” Role in a Field Study, Trice HM, Sociology and Social Research, Vol.22 (Sept-Oct.), 27-32, 1956

“This report is interested in adding to the growing body of knowledge about the “outsider's” role that is thrust upon a field researcher in almost all situations. Kluckhohn fifteen years ago, stated that, "the investigator is never able to shake off entirely his role of outsider, and I am in accord with those who maintain that it is not advisable for him to do so. Some exceedingly valuable information comes to the outsider simply because he is one." Later Merton states that, in connection with a study of a planned community, "informants will not hesitate to make certain private views known to a disinterested outside observer - views which would not be expressed were it thought that they would get back to management; the outsider has 'stranger' value.

The effectiveness of this strategy was recently demonstrated to the present writer in what seemed to be an almost impossible research situation. The research question concerned what experiences and attitudes discriminated alcoholics who had successfully affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous from those alcoholics who had been unable to affiliate with A.A.”

See also Links and downloads 

PS For AA Minority Report 2013 click here

Bill and Bob's Excellent Adventure!

Yep! Just like we threatened …... sorry … promised....... Introducing aacultwatch's very own …. (drum roll).......BIG BOOK STUDY!!!!! Yay!!!!! (tumultuous applause crashes around the 02 arena followed by a 'Mexican wave' as a deluge of fireworks, lasers and pink bubbles burst over the Thames).

Well!!!! You've been well and truly had by Joe and Charlie ……. been bored senseless by Chris and Myers ….. given a close 'shave' by Clancy …. taken to the cleaners by Wally ….. But now its aacultwatch's turn with their very own, entirely UNIQUE production entitled …..... Bill and Bob's Excellent Adventure! Party on dudes! (more yaying. The audience go wild!)

(chorus from Mott the Hoople's “All the Young Dudes”): 

“All the young dudes (I want to hear you)
Carry the news (I want to see you)
Boogaloo dudes (and I want to talk to you all of you)
Carry the news “

The crowd by now is worked up into a virtual frenzy...... Even the Nuremberg rallies weren't as good as this!

But enough of this puerile fantasy we hear you say! Get on with it! Show us the money!

OK! OK! Enough already! Patience IS a VIRTUE after all!

Since it seems like everyone and their brother/sister/nephew/niece/step dad etc is churning out yet another AUTHORITATIVE guide to the recovery programme as OUTLINED in the book “Alcoholics Anonymous” (otherwise known as the Big Book) we thought – what the hell? Why not us too? But in order to properly differentiate our product within this already heavily saturated sector, and establish some BRAND recognition, we decided we're going to have to approach this from an ENTIRELY different angle in order to achieve maximum market PENETRATION! (Oo, er, missus!)

Now we're going to be pretty damn radical here... (gasps of astonishment, breath baited on every side)... We'll definitely be thinking WAY OUTSIDE THE BOX (more gasps of astonishment although some of the audience look around uncertainly. No one's quite sure what's meant by “thinking outside the box” let alone “WAY OUTSIDE THE BOX”! Is this the same as being completely 'out of your box'? But it sounds good - so never mind!)

Yep! We're going to be making a few extremely – EXTREMELY – big assumptions about our reader … oops sorry ….. readers! Now there's going to be no more beating about the bush. We're just going to come right out and say it. None of that old procrastination! We're going to call a spade a spade and have done with it. Waffling on is not our thing. We're just going to spell it out and let the dice fall where they may. Run it up the flagpole and see how the cookie crumbles! Nope! You won't get any of that double talk from us. We'll tell it like it is! (by now the audience are beginning to get a bit restive. They didn't pay good money to hear a load of old 'pony' (Cockney rhyming slang: 'pony and trap'= …...) Some brave soul even cries out: “Shut up and get on with it”.

Thus encouraged we proceed accordingly.

First radical concept:

that the reader still retains a few working brain cells despite years of pouring booze down his/her throat and is therefore able to discriminate between fact and fiction ie. their critical faculties although somewhat attenuated are not rendered completely inoperative. They can THINK THINK THINK for THEMSELVES.

Second radical concept:

that the punter (sorry … old habits!)... that the READER is an ADULT (or DUDE – according to your own preference). By ADULT we mean someone who has the ability – and is willing - to exercise their OWN judgement and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for the consequences whatever they might be.

Third radical concept:

that (following on from the second concept above) as an ADULT he or she does not NEED to be told what to do. He or she MAY seek advice but does NOT require DIRECTION from another person on how to conduct their affairs. CHILDREN may need to be instructed but ADULTS (self-evidently) do not. ADULTS may consult others, invite their opinion, seek their expertise, weigh the evidence etc. But an ADULT makes the final decision and takes responsibility thereafter.

Fourth (even more) radical concept:

The membership of AA is composed wholly of ADULTS!

(Gasps of surprise. Who'd have thought it? Can this be true?)

Following on from these way-out, beyond-the-outer-limits, dare we say even 'fourth dimensional' concepts, any Big Book study directed towards ADULTS should take these facts into account. Hence we will NOT during the course of our STUDY be giving you a potted history of AA (beyond the bare necessities … ah those good ole' bare necessities!) There are plenty of books on the subject already. Nor will we be foisting any medical theories explaining alcoholism on you (they change by the day though personally we fancy the genetic explanation). Moreover we will not be explaining BIG WORDS either (there are things called dictionaries for that). On the other hand we might be looking at a few words – and ideas - that we all think we grasp the meaning of …... but then maybe we don't! Along the way we'll be lobbing in the odd 'grenade' here and there just to keep things interesting. Or to put it another way – maybe just 'shake out' a bit of that complacency!

But for anybody who thinks the programme is about a 'quick fix' maybe think again. It's interesting isn't it that the cult always presents recovery in that light! Study the Big Book, do the steps in a few hours and hey presto! You're recovered! And then bish, bosh! Give us the dosh (or your soul – whichever comes cheaper!) Just hop,skip and jump up to the so-called Twelve Promises and all will be revealed! One minute you're worse than an idiot and the next ….. Why! You're qualified to run other people's lives! Fantastic … or just plain fantasy! Clearly the notion of 'deferred gratification' doesn't count for much in 'pointed headed' (our only slightly metaphorical term for cult members) circles. Children (and active addicts) love an instant 'fix'! But sober adults? Shouldn't there be something more to it than this? There you are! Something to think about already!

And that's the idea behind this particular approach. Recovery, like life, isn't tidy. It can't be so neatly wrapped up or reduced to some mere formulaic presentation. It requires time and careful reflection. It also requires action but NOT mindless activity. 'Tick box' recovery (eg. like the so-called 'six suggestions') is no substitute for the real thing. And a sponsor can't replace a Higher Power (no matter how good they think they are!) (Incidentally we'll be keeping a sharp lookout for any reference to “sponsors”, “sponsees” or “sponsorship” in the text. But we've got a sneaking suspicion we'll find no such wording! We'll also be keeping our eyes peeled for statements to the effect “you must”, “you have to” etc or any suggestion that any member of AA has the authority to direct or control another. Again we'll be completely 'unflabbergasted' if we don't discover this!). So let's just try and keep it REAL!

Now down to the nitty gritty! The text we'll be using is “Alcoholics Anonymous”, 4^th edition (online). The sections covered will include everything apart from the personal stories. After some reflection we decided not to include “Bill's Story” purely on the grounds that his account does not differ significantly from any of the others contained in the book (although it is of some historical interest). If we had included his story we would have felt obliged to include all the others. And to put it simply – life's too short!

Note: The reader will NOT require the following in order to follow the course: their own edition of the book, felt tip pens, ring binders, paper, work sheets, participation in a study group, access to a Big Book 'guru' or even a SPONSOR etc. They will, however, require an open mind (together with a reasonably functioning critical faculty), patience (who knows how long this is going to take!) and a fairly well developed sense of humour (remember rule #62 12x12, p. 149).

We will be commencing with the “Title Page” (to follow shortly)

Cheerio

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS The study course's irreverent appellation “Bill and Bob's Excellent Adventure” is mere whimsy. Just ignore it!

Caution: This curse (sorry!!) COURSE is not to be taken as AUTHORITATIVE nor is it to be regarded as DEFINITIVE in any way. Anyone found to be according it any undue status will be reported to the appropriate authorities (ie. GSO York or whoever) who will then do …. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! (quite rightly too we say!). Moreover any person discovered to be quoting from the course will be TERMINATED with extreme prejudice. 

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

An alternative to AA's “20 Questions”: You know you're a drunkard when … (contd)

You got laid off and had to live on nothing but food and water for a whole week

A real woman could stop you from drinking A real big woman

You got held up by two guys last night - All the way home

Your binge drinking gets in the way of your benders

Cheerio

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

The Fundamentals – In Retrospect, AA Grapevine, Dr Bob, Sept, 1948

Extracts:

“As finally expressed and offered, they [the Steps] are simple in language, plain in meaning. They are also workable by any person having a sincere desire to obtain and keep sobriety. The results are the proof. Their simplicity and workability are such that no special interpretations and certainly no reservations have ever been necessary”.

“We are not bound by the thongs of theological doctrine”.

“We have found it wise policy, too, to hold to no glorification of the individual. Obviously, that is sound. Most of us will concede that when it came to the personal showdown of admitting our failures and deciding to surrender our will and our lives to Almighty God, as we understood Him, we still had some sneaking ideas of personal justification and excuse. We had to discard them but the ego of the alcoholic dies a hard death. Many of us because of activity have received praise not only from our fellow A.A's but from the world at large. We would be ungrateful indeed to be boorish when that happens yet it is so easy for us to become, privately perhaps, just a little vain about it all. Yet, fitting and wearing halos is not for us.

We've all seen the new member who stays sober for a time, largely through sponsor-worship. Then maybe the sponsor gets drunk and you know what usually happens. Left without a human prop, the new member gets drunk too. He has been glorifying an individual instead of following the Program.

Certainly we need leaders but we must regard them as the human agents of the Higher Power and not with undue adulation as individuals”.

“Our organization needs no title-holders nor grandiose buildings”.

“In as large an organization as ours, we naturally have had our share of those who fail to measure up to certain obvious standards of conduct. They have included schemers for personal gain, petty swindlers and confidence men, crooks of various kinds and other human fallibles”.

(our emphases)

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

Follow the AA program, not your sponsor

Extracts from the aacultwatch forum (old)

“Follow the AA program, not your sponsor. If you have a good sponsor she will encourage you to do this. If she doesn't, then she might not be following the AA program herself. It might be better to have no sponsor, than to have a bad one to lead you astray. Having a sponsor in A.A. is a suggestion, not a requirement. If you follow the AA program, then you will not need a human prop.

Dr. Bob: “…We have found it wise policy, too, to hold to no glorification of the individual. Obviously, that is sound. Most of us will concede that when it came to the personal showdown of admitting our failures and deciding to surrender our will and our lives to Almighty God, as we understood Him, we still had some sneaking ideas of personal justification and excuse. We had to discard them but the ego of the alcoholic dies a hard death. Many of us because of activity have received praise not only from our fellow A.A.s but from the world at large. We would be ungrateful indeed to be boorish when that happens yet it is so easy for us to become, privately perhaps, just a little vain about it all. Yet, fitting and wearing halos is not for us. WE'VE all seen the new member who stays sober for a time, largely through sponsor-worship. Then maybe the sponsor gets drunk and you know what usually happens. Left without a human prop, the new member gets drunk too. He has been glorifying an individual instead of following the Program." (Extract, The Fundamentals In Retrospect, by Dr. Bob (AA Grapevine September 1948) http://da.aagrapevine.org/

The Big Book:  “…Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose the person or persons with whom to take this intimate and confidential step. Those of us belonging to a religious denomination which requires confession must, and of course will want to go to the properly appointed authority, whose duty it is to receive it. Though we have no religious connection, we may still do well to talk to someone ordained in an established religion. We often find such a person quick to see and understand our problem. Of course, we sometimes encounter people who do not understand alcoholics. If we cannot or would rather not do this, we search for our acquaintance with a closed – mouthed, understanding friend. Perhaps our doctor or psychologist will be the friend. It may be one of our own family, but we cannot disclose anything to our wives or parents which will hurt them or make them unhappy…” ('Alcoholics Anonymous', “Big Book” online, p. 74 http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt6.pdf

The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: “…Our next problem will be to discover the person in whom we are to confide. Here we ought to take much care, remembering prudence is a virtue that carries a high rating. Perhaps we shall need to share  facts about ourselves which no others ought to know… …This person may be one’s sponsor, but not necessarily so… … Perhaps, though, your relationship to him is such that you would care to reveal only a part of your story. If this is the situation, by all means do so… … It may turn out, however, that you’ll choose someone else for the more difficult and deeper revelations. This individual may be entirely outside of A.A. – for example, your clergyman or your doctor. For some of us, a complete stranger may prove the best bet.” (Extracts, The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions online pages 60-61): http://www.aa.org/twelveandtwelve/en_pdfs/en_step5.pdf”

(our emphases)

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

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PPS For new aacultwatch forum see here. Have your say!

Questions and Answers on Sponsorship (contd)

The AA (General Service conference approved) booklet: Questions and Answers on Sponsorship)

Extract:

“How can a sponsor handle an overdependent newcomer?

In the first days of sobriety, a newcomer is sometimes so bewildered and frightened — or so mentally fuzzy and physically weak — that he or she needs to be taken to each meeting and perhaps helped in making personal decisions. But such utter dependence on the sponsor, when carried past the earliest stages of recovery, often becomes damaging to both parties. It has already been pointed out that we stay sober through reliance on the A.A. program, not on any one member, so the newcomer’s chances in this situation may not be very good. And the sponsor may either feel harried by constant, unreasonable demands, or feel flattered and let the ego build up dangerously.

How can this dilemma be solved without leaving the newcomer disheartened? Many A.A.s, when first asked to sponsor, will have met with the newcomer and reviewed this pamphlet in an effort to avoid pitfalls. Most likely, the sponsor and newcomer will have discussed their commitments and agreed-upon expectations early in the relationship. The sponsor will also have encouraged the newcomer to talk to other A.A. Members with longer-term sobriety. Now might be the time for a heartfelt talk in which the sponsor again explains the importance of relying on the entire A.A. program, as well as their concern regarding the overdependence of the newcomer. If this conversation fails to provide a solution, the sponsor may offer to remain as a temporary sponsor until the newcomer can find a sponsor they feel more comfortable with.”

(our emphases)

Note particularly: “In the first DAYS of sobriety” - not the first YEARS..... Newcomers tend to get back on their feet pretty quickly.

AA members probably should read this pamphlet before even thinking about sponsoring or asking for a sponsor. Unfortunately in cult circles this particular piece of literature is regarded as something of an obstacle to their ego-driven, controlling style (as is Chapter 7, Working With Others) In fact in some cult meetings (eg. Hampton Wick Friday) newcomers are actively discouraged from consulting this piece of AA conference approved literature (see above). Clearly, from the above, the emphasis is very much on ensuring that the newcomer does not become dependent on any single AA member, an approach which entirely conflicts with the cult's elevation of the sponsor to Higher Power status. One only has to listen to some newcomers' sharing in meetings to recognise the degree of co-dependency (even downright bullying) that has been engendered by this perverse emphasis in cult circles. And isn't ALL sponsorship temporary?

But remember: a sponsor is NOT ESSENTIAL to recovery. And NO sponsorship is better by far than BAD sponsorship!

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

(to be continued)