Bill and Bob's Excellent Adventure!

Yep! Just like we threatened …... sorry … promised....... Introducing aacultwatch's very own …. (drum roll).......BIG BOOK STUDY!!!!! Yay!!!!! (tumultuous applause crashes around the 02 arena followed by a 'Mexican wave' as a deluge of fireworks, lasers and pink bubbles burst over the Thames).

Well!!!! You've been well and truly had by Joe and Charlie ……. been bored senseless by Chris and Myers ….. given a close 'shave' by Clancy …. taken to the cleaners by Wally ….. But now its aacultwatch's turn with their very own, entirely UNIQUE production entitled …..... Bill and Bob's Excellent Adventure! Party on dudes! (more yaying. The audience go wild!)

(chorus from Mott the Hoople's “All the Young Dudes”): 

“All the young dudes (I want to hear you)
Carry the news (I want to see you)
Boogaloo dudes (and I want to talk to you all of you)
Carry the news “

The crowd by now is worked up into a virtual frenzy...... Even the Nuremberg rallies weren't as good as this!

But enough of this puerile fantasy we hear you say! Get on with it! Show us the money!

OK! OK! Enough already! Patience IS a VIRTUE after all!

Since it seems like everyone and their brother/sister/nephew/niece/step dad etc is churning out yet another AUTHORITATIVE guide to the recovery programme as OUTLINED in the book “Alcoholics Anonymous” (otherwise known as the Big Book) we thought – what the hell? Why not us too? But in order to properly differentiate our product within this already heavily saturated sector, and establish some BRAND recognition, we decided we're going to have to approach this from an ENTIRELY different angle in order to achieve maximum market PENETRATION! (Oo, er, missus!)

Now we're going to be pretty damn radical here... (gasps of astonishment, breath baited on every side)... We'll definitely be thinking WAY OUTSIDE THE BOX (more gasps of astonishment although some of the audience look around uncertainly. No one's quite sure what's meant by “thinking outside the box” let alone “WAY OUTSIDE THE BOX”! Is this the same as being completely 'out of your box'? But it sounds good - so never mind!)

Yep! We're going to be making a few extremely – EXTREMELY – big assumptions about our reader … oops sorry ….. readers! Now there's going to be no more beating about the bush. We're just going to come right out and say it. None of that old procrastination! We're going to call a spade a spade and have done with it. Waffling on is not our thing. We're just going to spell it out and let the dice fall where they may. Run it up the flagpole and see how the cookie crumbles! Nope! You won't get any of that double talk from us. We'll tell it like it is! (by now the audience are beginning to get a bit restive. They didn't pay good money to hear a load of old 'pony' (Cockney rhyming slang: 'pony and trap'= …...) Some brave soul even cries out: “Shut up and get on with it”.

Thus encouraged we proceed accordingly.

First radical concept:

that the reader still retains a few working brain cells despite years of pouring booze down his/her throat and is therefore able to discriminate between fact and fiction ie. their critical faculties although somewhat attenuated are not rendered completely inoperative. They can THINK THINK THINK for THEMSELVES.

Second radical concept:

that the punter (sorry … old habits!)... that the READER is an ADULT (or DUDE – according to your own preference). By ADULT we mean someone who has the ability – and is willing - to exercise their OWN judgement and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for the consequences whatever they might be.

Third radical concept:

that (following on from the second concept above) as an ADULT he or she does not NEED to be told what to do. He or she MAY seek advice but does NOT require DIRECTION from another person on how to conduct their affairs. CHILDREN may need to be instructed but ADULTS (self-evidently) do not. ADULTS may consult others, invite their opinion, seek their expertise, weigh the evidence etc. But an ADULT makes the final decision and takes responsibility thereafter.

Fourth (even more) radical concept:

The membership of AA is composed wholly of ADULTS!

(Gasps of surprise. Who'd have thought it? Can this be true?)

Following on from these way-out, beyond-the-outer-limits, dare we say even 'fourth dimensional' concepts, any Big Book study directed towards ADULTS should take these facts into account. Hence we will NOT during the course of our STUDY be giving you a potted history of AA (beyond the bare necessities … ah those good ole' bare necessities!) There are plenty of books on the subject already. Nor will we be foisting any medical theories explaining alcoholism on you (they change by the day though personally we fancy the genetic explanation). Moreover we will not be explaining BIG WORDS either (there are things called dictionaries for that). On the other hand we might be looking at a few words – and ideas - that we all think we grasp the meaning of …... but then maybe we don't! Along the way we'll be lobbing in the odd 'grenade' here and there just to keep things interesting. Or to put it another way – maybe just 'shake out' a bit of that complacency!

But for anybody who thinks the programme is about a 'quick fix' maybe think again. It's interesting isn't it that the cult always presents recovery in that light! Study the Big Book, do the steps in a few hours and hey presto! You're recovered! And then bish, bosh! Give us the dosh (or your soul – whichever comes cheaper!) Just hop,skip and jump up to the so-called Twelve Promises and all will be revealed! One minute you're worse than an idiot and the next ….. Why! You're qualified to run other people's lives! Fantastic … or just plain fantasy! Clearly the notion of 'deferred gratification' doesn't count for much in 'pointed headed' (our only slightly metaphorical term for cult members) circles. Children (and active addicts) love an instant 'fix'! But sober adults? Shouldn't there be something more to it than this? There you are! Something to think about already!

And that's the idea behind this particular approach. Recovery, like life, isn't tidy. It can't be so neatly wrapped up or reduced to some mere formulaic presentation. It requires time and careful reflection. It also requires action but NOT mindless activity. 'Tick box' recovery (eg. like the so-called 'six suggestions') is no substitute for the real thing. And a sponsor can't replace a Higher Power (no matter how good they think they are!) (Incidentally we'll be keeping a sharp lookout for any reference to “sponsors”, “sponsees” or “sponsorship” in the text. But we've got a sneaking suspicion we'll find no such wording! We'll also be keeping our eyes peeled for statements to the effect “you must”, “you have to” etc or any suggestion that any member of AA has the authority to direct or control another. Again we'll be completely 'unflabbergasted' if we don't discover this!). So let's just try and keep it REAL!

Now down to the nitty gritty! The text we'll be using is “Alcoholics Anonymous”, 4^th edition (online). The sections covered will include everything apart from the personal stories. After some reflection we decided not to include “Bill's Story” purely on the grounds that his account does not differ significantly from any of the others contained in the book (although it is of some historical interest). If we had included his story we would have felt obliged to include all the others. And to put it simply – life's too short!

Note: The reader will NOT require the following in order to follow the course: their own edition of the book, felt tip pens, ring binders, paper, work sheets, participation in a study group, access to a Big Book 'guru' or even a SPONSOR etc. They will, however, require an open mind (together with a reasonably functioning critical faculty), patience (who knows how long this is going to take!) and a fairly well developed sense of humour (remember rule #62 12x12, p. 149).

We will be commencing with the “Title Page” (to follow shortly)

Cheerio

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS The study course's irreverent appellation “Bill and Bob's Excellent Adventure” is mere whimsy. Just ignore it!

Caution: This curse (sorry!!) COURSE is not to be taken as AUTHORITATIVE nor is it to be regarded as DEFINITIVE in any way. Anyone found to be according it any undue status will be reported to the appropriate authorities (ie. GSO York or whoever) who will then do …. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! (quite rightly too we say!). Moreover any person discovered to be quoting from the course will be TERMINATED with extreme prejudice. 

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!