Tales from Happy Clappy Land

Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away.......... or maybe closer to home …. how about Ealing? Yes. Ealing will do nicely!

[We want to emphasise here that the following account is entirely fictional, and any resemblance whatsoever to individuals alive or dead is purely coincidental. Ealing itself is an entirely fabricated and imaginary place and not to be found on any map. Now where we were? Ah yes! Happy Clappy Land]

Once upon a time in …. Ealing.... a strange and wondrous place indeed, one full of dark mysteries, and then of darker deeds (and with lots of pubs as well) there lived a fellow who was full of woe (and other things as well), and who really didn't have a clue. But one day Dennis (for this was the blessed one's name), and as he trudged the streets of darkest Ealing, found a great light shining down upon him and suddenly he was quite sure that he knew it all! So excited was Dennis that he was inspired to spread the word (or in his case a lot of words!) to anyone who was prepared to listen (and even if they were not). So HAPPY was Happy Dennis (for this was now indeed his given name) that he jumped for joy at this revelation and ran through the town laughing like a maniac (or so those poor, benighted and unenlightened fools all about him assumed, but then after all what did they know!). But what to do next, and how might he spread his gospel of bliss, and for the briefest moment Happy Dennis was all of a dither! But then again the light descended, and now once more his path grew clear. He would start a meeting, and then another, and this until Ealing was quite overfull, and even bursting at the seams, and there within these blessed assemblies he would spread the blessed word, and this forever, and then to all and sundry. And now he hunted high and hunted low until he found finally his HAPPY sanctuary (for the gods in their wisdom - or perhaps stupidity - had guided him at last to that HAPPY place). Now Dennis sent word to every quarter, and so his flock gathered all about him, and they did come from far and wide (even from Southall and Hayes - or so we're told) and to whom Dennis passed on his ecstatic word. But Dennis was so HAPPY now , and getting HAPPIER by the minute, and indeed so happy was HAPPY Dennis that he could barely contain his joy at all and felt obliged to jump in the air on account of this, and even as he did so - oh what bliss! - for so did everyone else jump all about him! The meetings spread from one to two, and then to four, and then to even more, and before long the entire town was full of meetings with not even room for one more Tescos! And to these happy gatherings he gave special names, one was called Healthy, another Radiant, another Growing (and Glowing) and even another named Wonderful until finally he had run out of slogans and decided to call the last one just plain old “Sponsored Walks"! By this time HAPPY Dennis was so uplifted he could no longer stay indoors and he decided to take the meeting out of doors, and so he led forth his flock into the sunlight and there they followed him all humble and meek. First he would go to the right, and then to the left and sometimes he would just stop right there in the middle of the street, and at each and every move so would his flock follow his lead, and thus they would all proceed, and in one great, big, happy company! And finally when the day was done they would stand in a circle everyone, with each one holding the other's hands, to recite their prayers all most humbly. Then, and at HAPPY Dennis' signal, they would with one accord bound forth into the air and JUMP FOR JOY for they were all in HAPPY CLAPPY LAND!!!

You couldn't make it up could you? Ooops! We just did – didn't we?

More seriously a number of members have commented that the (relatively sane) practice of holding hands at the end of meetings to say the Serenity Prayer (together with various chanted add-ons) is in itself a form of “emotional coercion”. It is quite difficult for those who do not wish to participate to do so without causing some degree of disruption to the meeting (something that does not occur for example if you don't want to recite the Serenity prayer). More importantly some regard should be had for the newcomer in this instance. They really may not want to hold hands and yet here they are given very little real choice. We believe that it should be made clear at the beginning of the meeting (or just before the end) that no one is obliged to participate in such activities if they do not wish, or better still, that such rituals are entirely dispensed with. They do after all come across as rather childish and perhaps even a little HAPPY CLAPPY. For our part the aacultwatch team has voted (unanimously), and consistent with our anti-abuse and anti-coercion stance, no longer to join in these rituals (and this including, most emphatically, jumping in the air!)

Cheers

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

PS Lots more coming from Happy Clappy Land soon