A thought provoking contribution

“Dear Fellas,


My name is …. ...... and I wrote year nearly a year ago regarding my experience with one of the groups you have classified as a movement within a movement.  At the time I used the pseudonym "….. …...." out of respect for the anonymity of the people involved as I felt it most important that my criticism be a discussion of principles rather than personalities.  I no longer feel the need to remain anonymous at this level and after reading your 2013 report [Minority Report 2013 – actually not a publication of ours but one we entirely support] felt that it was appropriate for me to write you and clarify some things about which I have become more aware. 

Specifically, I felt that it was unfair of me to condemn a group even though I felt it was operating in a way contrary to AA tradition.  What I have come to realize is that movements within the movement can do a lot of good in the world provided they are clear on what they are and what they are not.  My own unfortunate experience with this group would have been made a whole lot easier if they had provided the sort of information that is now available on their website.  In other words, America is a free country and we cherish the right to freedom of conscience regarding belief and freedom of organization.  If groups wish to promote traditional values or their experience has been that a therapeutic approach has not been effective for them, then they have a right to do so under the laws of the land.  After examining more closely what some of these groups are promoting I have realized that while it may not be AA the way I have come to understand AA, it is not fair of me to level a criticism that would make them seem to be necessarily malicious in their intent.  As long as they don't say they are AA then they can really do what they want as far as I am concerned.  I believe that many of these movements within the movement do help people and that some of them are helping to transform society in very positive ways. They have certainly helped me along the way and so despite my own personal gripes I have come to see that they are learning, growing and changing just the way I am and they have a right to exist. 

My only caveat in saying this is that when impressionable people get involved and boundaries are not clear it is hard to know where to draw the line between a group's being cultistic and just showing some appropriate tough love or commanding very rigorous self-honesty.  It is really a matter of context.  For instance, I would not begrudge a television or radio personality that had a sort of "cult-like" following but when we are in the context of recovery I tend to be a bit more controlling of what sorts of things people are buying into as I have a heavy emotional investment in the AA tradition as being the "right" way.  So while I believe it is a mistake to convince people not to take medication when it is needed, I also believe that it can be a mistake to seek therapy when it is not really needed as a way to avoid the more uncomfortable work of getting down to the conditions that drove us to drinking in the first place.  Therapy, just likes the Steps, is a tool to help us recover in life and make us more self-aware.  I think that when we put one modality on a pedestal over another or get into rigidity over issues that may be more complex than at first glance then we are depriving ourselves of the inherent freedom to make decisions in life which is what having maturity and recovery is all about, the way I see it.  Either way, I think that the best approach is the one that you have used which is to put the information out there and let people decide for themselves free from the fear and intimidation that often goes along with group think mentalities. 

At the end of the day, I think my biggest troubles have come when I have put people, both professionals and people in AA, into the role of "parent" as a way to avoid making the decisions myself.  It is a great excuse not to grow up when I can say "my sponsor told me so" or also "my therapist told me so".  As I grow in recovery I have realized that having real self-respect comes from making my own decisions in life and that it is unfair of me to put this on others. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  Any feedback you have on this would be appreciated though certainly not required. 

Yours in Gratitude, 

….. ….....” 


Our response: 

“Dear …..., 

Thanks for your thoughtful and may we say insightful email. It is much appreciated. Only a few quibbles. Naturally we would fully support the notion of freedom of speech and opinion (within the constraints of the law) for everyone .. even AA members! However when another's conduct (including speech) would appear harmful then others equally have the right (and in some instances a moral and even legal duty) to express a view on that – and even oppose it actively. As to their intentions even when these are benign this does not excuse any malign consequences which might follow (as in “the road to hell is paved with good intentions!”) something which we endeavour to keep to the forefront of our own minds! Moreover when the notion of “tough love” is introduced we would question whether this is ever necessary. It can all too easily be employed as a rationalisation for bullying, and we would argue against its efficacy altogether. We hold to the principle which is so aptly expressed in the AA preamble ie. that we “share our experience, strength and hope with each other” the key words here being 'share' and 'with'. It is sufficient in most instances simply to communicate with other members on a basis of mutual respect. There is no suggestion here that this might be supplemented by some kind of 'priestly caste' of Big Book experts or local 'gurus' laying down the 'law' for everyone else. Confrontational techniques may be used for example within the context of group therapy but these sessions are usually facilitated by trained staff and conducted within strict boundaries. As you are no doubt aware these conditions do not apply in most AA meetings or groups and are therefore hardly appropriate. Finally the prescribed medication question is probably one of the more contentious (at least as far as we're concerned) and if handled badly may lead to the most dangerous even fatal of outcomes. It is for these reasons we believe that any decisions relating to this area should be arrived at between the person directly concerned and and an appropriately qualified medical professional. AA guidelines here are very clear and very explicit. As you have indicated recovery is in part about taking responsibility for one's own life. Such decisions should always remain with the person most directly involved. We are after all trying to 'grow up'! 

…...... 

We look forward to hearing from you 

Regards 

The Fellas” 

(our edits – to preserve anonymity) 


Comment: An example of the type of correspondence to which it is a pleasure to respond as opposed to the generally hysterical (and not infrequently abusive) contributions supplied by cult members (which we treat with the contempt (subsequent to investigation) they deserve. 

Cheerio 

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous) 

PS Our usual thanks to our correspondent