Extracts
from the aacultwatch forum (old)
“Fifth
Step Meetings”
AA Grapevine March
1968, Vol.
24 No. 10 http://da.aagrapevine.org/
"Small
groups. . .laying it on the line with each other. Nothing held back.
. .
I'VE
HAD the good fortune to hear Bill W. speak on several occasions. Each
time, I have detected a note of wistfulness when he was recounting
his experiences in the early days. Small groups of five or six,
laying it on the line with each other. Nothing held back, a real
eyeball-to-eyeball confrontation. Perhaps this is one of the reasons
AA grew slowly at first. Being that honest isn't easy, even in a
small group.
Now,
for the most part, at least in my area, groups are large, even the
closed ones. For the timid and tender, this is not a climate
conducive to the disclosure in depth many of us have need of. As a
sponsor during my "phony years," I was incapable of giving
many a newcomer what he sought. I could only model the clothes that
fit--suggesting he go to many meetings, read the Big Book, talk with
other members, etc. The cloak of honesty was not a part of my
wardrobe, so how could I possibly display it? I had no firsthand
experience with this sort of coaching, either. I had to learn my
lesson the hard way.
Both
speaker and participation meetings are fine for the purpose of
identification. Discussion and study groups are primarily concerned
with learning what to do and "how it works." Mostly, this
talk is confined to generalities, with precious few specific
disclosures in depth. By and large, most of the time is spent
recounting "what I was like, what happened, and what I'm like
now." With a few notable exceptions, ninety-five percent of this
time is devoted to what I was like, three percent to what happened,
and two percent to what I'm like now (assuming, of course, that any
change has occurred beyond hanging up the dipper). It quite often
winds up with something to the effect that "And then I came to
AA," with the intent to convey that all is now peachy-dandy.
True, the new person may have been able to identify; he may get
further encouragement from talking with others over the coffee and
doughnuts; but the burning question of how he is to get well is still
uppermost in his mind.
We
glibly speak of our concern for new people and say that they are the
lifeblood of the Fellowship, but as soon as the meeting is over we
break up into small groups for the social contact that seems to be so
very important. All too frequently, the new person is left to his own
devices, and the glowing words of concern just expressed turn out to
be just that--words.
Procedure
or format of the meetings has also become quite important. Reading
"what AA is," the Steps, Traditions, announcements,
secretary's report, other meetings--you name it. Let the leader
realize he has omitted one of these items, and he immediately becomes
profusely apologetic. Form seems to have supplanted substance in
order of importance. If AA does not provide the means for the
unburdening in depth that so many have need of, where does one go
from there? Little wonder that so many AAs are actively engaged in a
search outside the Fellowship.
Criticism
that does not offer an alternative is worthless. May I, therefore,
suggest that the formation of Fifth Step groups might be in order? A
return to the small groups of the early days might create a climate
more conducive to an exchange in depth. I do not suggest that we
eliminate any existing meetings, for the simple reason that not
everyone wants or feels need of anything new or different. But why
not provide for those who do?
On
reflection, I discover that I could never think my way into right
action, but I can act my way into right thinking. Two goals of the
kind of group I suggest would be to rid ourselves of the burden of
guilt and to concentrate on how we are acting now. I've also learned
that if I don't feel right it's only my conscience telling me that
I'm off the beam. I'm either doing something I shouldn't or not doing
something I should. Procrastination is probably my greatest enemy, I
might add. It isn't always in the area of big or obvious things,
either. Let me become blinded to my neglect of the little things, and
I'm off and running. This is invariably followed by the erroneous
belief that some circumstance or person has caused me to get upset.
Further,
I would propose that this Fifth Step group be an open, mixed group.
Mixed in that it should contain spouses, mothers, fathers, in some
cases children. Someone who is in a position to observe us in our
daily intimate life. Someone who means something to us and can see
how we are acting, as well as hear what we are saying. We say that
alcoholism is a family disease, yet at most meetings the spouse is
seldom encouraged or perhaps even permitted to say anything. Al-Anon
provides education by teaching the family or friends how to live with
the alcoholic, but the meetings do not normally include the
alcoholic. There is no direct confrontation.
I'm
aware that there are already many small groups in existence, but they
are in constant danger of becoming sterile and ingrown for lack of
involvement or confrontation with the significant others in the lives
of the members. The only time things liven up is when a prospective
new member appears, or a visitor from another area drops in. If you
are thinking that a small mixed group such as I suggest would
probably soon become a meeting of family squabbles, you could be
right. It would all depend on the ground rules that are established
in the beginning. If these are carefully spelled out and thoroughly
understood, the meeting will not degenerate. Far from it. It will
soon become an exciting and rewarding experience. Remember not to
take the other person's inventory--and the field narrows
considerably. To use the words of another AA: "Never mind the
other fellow's sins. Your own will do very nicely."
Naturally,
much more could be said on this subject, and in greater detail, but
the foregoing should do for openers. Many will be indignant at the
suggestion; some will agree; but I still say that within the
framework of AA a Fifth Step group has a place. Care to join me?
Seeker
Anonymous"
Comment:
The short answer is 'no'! Remember that bit in the Big Book –
something about sharing with a “close-mouthed,
understanding friend” ie. not a bunch of people some of whom
you might barely know!!
Cheers
The
Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)
PS
To use “comment” system simply click on the relevant tab below
this article and sign in. All comments go through a moderation stage
No comments:
Post a Comment