aacultwatch's
perspective on:
This
tome is much reviled in cult circles (especially amongst the Big Book
nutters who regard it as almost heretical! (A point of interest: if
you're looking for meetings largely free of the aforementioned
'fruitcakes', and for that matter sundry other screwballs, then a
Twelve Step meeting following the format of the above text is usually
a safe bet). The text we will be using is as indicated above. And
now we come to:
“Step
Four
“Made
a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” [note:
of “ourselves” - NOT someone else]
“
Now
let’s ponder the need for a list of the more glaring [ie.
not every trifling little peccadillo] personality defects all
of us have [including the sponsorship
brigade – yes …. even them!] in varying degrees. To those
having religious training, such a list would set forth serious
violations of moral principles. Some others will think of this
list as defects of character. Still others will call it an
index of maladjustments. Some will become quite annoyed if
there is talk about immorality, let alone sin [quite
right too – some people are sin-obsessed!]. But all
who are in the least reasonable will agree upon one point: that there
is plenty wrong with us alcoholics about which plenty will have
to be done if we are to expect sobriety, progress, and any real
ability to cope with life.
To
avoid falling into confusion over the names these defects should be
called, let’s take a universally recognized [?]
list of major human failings—the Seven Deadly Sins of pride, greed,
lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth. It is not by accident
that pride heads the procession [ie. of this
particular list]. For pride, leading to self-justification,
and always spurred by conscious or unconscious fears, is the basic
breeder of most human difficulties [there exist
alternative explanations as to what underlies the human condition.
This is by no means definitive], the chief block to true
progress. Pride lures us into making demands upon ourselves or upon
others which cannot be met without perverting or misusing our
God-given [?] instincts. When the
satisfaction of our instincts
for sex, security, and society becomes the sole object of our lives,
then pride steps in to justify our excesses [note:
our “excesses” – the pursuit of what might some term 'needs' is
in itself not demonstrative of some form of pathology or moral
insufficiency as some religions might have us believe].
All
these failings generate fear,
a soul-sickness [or not] in its own
right. Then fear, in turn, generates more character defects.
Unreasonable fear that our instincts will not be satisfied drives us
to covet the possessions of others, to lust for sex and power, to
become angry when our instinctive demands are threatened, to be
envious when the ambitions of others seem to be realized while ours
are not. We eat, drink, and grab for more of everything than we need,
fearing we shall never have enough [sounds just
about normal. The basis of a capitalist society perhaps?].
And with genuine alarm at the prospect of work,
we stay lazy [Ah! The good old Protestant work ethic! Hard work
equates to virtue! A scam perhaps!]. We loaf and
procrastinate, or at best work grudgingly and under half steam. These
fears are the termites that ceaselessly devour the foundations of
whatever sort of life we try to build.
So
when A.A. suggests a fearless moral [or not]
inventory
[see Socrates,
an exponent and exemplar of what an inventory REALLY means], it must
seem to every newcomer that more is being asked of him than he can do
[it ain't that hard]. Both his pride and
his fear beat him back every time he tries to look within himself.
Pride says, “You need not pass this way,” and Fear says, “You
dare not look!” But the testimony of A.A.’s who have really tried
a moral inventory is that pride and fear of this sort turn out to be
bogeymen, nothing else. Once we have a complete [or
maybe only a little] willingness to take inventory, and exert
ourselves to do the job thoroughly [according
to our own inclinations and abilities], a wonderful light
falls upon this foggy scene. As we persist, a brand-new kind of
confidence is born, and the sense of relief at finally facing
ourselves is indescribable. These are the first fruits of Step Four.
By
now the newcomer has probably arrived at the following conclusions:
that his character defects, representing instincts gone astray, have
been the primary cause of his drinking and his failure at life [a
rather large assumption. We'd say that the primary cause of
alcoholism ie. physical followed by psychological addiction to
alcohol, is attributable to genetic abnormality and has absolutely
nothing to do with “character defects” moral or otherwise. These
latter may be exacerbated by, and consequent upon the condition, but
hardly constitute its cause. Any inventory may be a useful exercise
in addressing any psychological trauma experienced by the alcoholic,
and on reducing the risk of psychological relapse, but it will have
absolutely no impact on whether an individual remains physiologically
susceptible. Hence the 'chronic' nature of the disease]; that
unless he is now willing to work hard at the elimination of the worst
of these defects, both sobriety and peace of mind will still elude
him; that all the faulty foundation of his life will have to be torn
out and built anew on bedrock. Now willing to commence the search for
his own defects, he will ask, “Just how do I go about this? How
do I take inventory of myself ?”
Since
Step Four is but the beginning of a lifetime practice [so
Step Four can't be DONE but is merely continued in Step Ten],
it can be suggested that he first have a look at those personal flaws
which are acutely troublesome and fairly obvious. Using his best
judgement [note: “his” best judgement
…. not someone else's!] of what has been right and what has
been wrong, he might make a rough survey of his conduct with
respect to his primary instincts for sex, security, and society.
Looking back over his life, he can readily get under way by
consideration of questions such as these:
When,
and how, and in just what instances did my selfish pursuit of
the sex relation damage other people and me? What people were hurt,
and how badly? Did I spoil my marriage and injure my children? Did I
jeopardize my standing in the community? Just how did I react to
these situations at the time? Did I burn with a guilt that nothing
could extinguish? Or did I insist that I was the pursued and not the
pursuer, and thus absolve myself [rationalisation]
? How have I reacted to frustration in sexual matters? When denied,
did I become vengeful or depressed? Did I take it out on other
people? If there was rejection or coldness at home, did I use this as
a reason for promiscuity?
Also
of importance for most alcoholics are the questions they must ask
about their behaviour respecting financial and emotional security. In
these areas fear, greed, possessiveness, and pride have too often
done their worst. Surveying
his business or employment record, almost any alcoholic can ask
questions like these: In addition to my drinking problem, what
character defects contributed to my financial instability? Did fear
and inferiority about my fitness for my job destroy my confidence and
fill me with conflict? Did I try to cover up those feelings of
inadequacy by bluffing, cheating, lying, or evading
responsibility? [describes
cult members perhaps?] Or by griping that others failed
to recognize my truly exceptional abilities [ditto]?
Did I overvalue myself and play the big shot [and
again]? Did I have such unprincipled ambition that I
double-crossed and undercut my associates [ooh!
The similarities are growing. Narcissism?]?
Was I extravagant? Did I recklessly borrow money, caring little
whether it was repaid or not? Was I a pinchpenny, refusing to support
my family properly? Did I cut corners financially? What about the
“quick money” deals, the stock market, and the races?
Businesswomen
in A.A. will naturally find that many of these questions apply to
them, too. But the alcoholic housewife can also make the family
financially insecure. She can juggle charge accounts, manipulate the
food budget, spend her afternoons gambling [down
the casino …... again!], and run her husband into debt by
irresponsibility, waste, and extravagance.
But
all alcoholics who have drunk themselves out of jobs, family, and
friends will need to cross-examine themselves ruthlessly [not
others] to determine how their own personality
defects have thus demolished their security.
The
most common symptoms of emotional insecurity are worry, anger,
self-pity, and depression [to be distinguished
from clinical depression]. These stem from causes which sometimes seem
to be within us, and at other times to come from without. To take
inventory in this respect we ought to consider carefully all personal
relationships which bring continuous or recurring trouble. It should
be remembered that this kind of insecurity may arise in any area
where instincts are threatened. Questioning directed to this end
might run like this: Looking at both past and present, what sex
situations have caused me anxiety, bitterness, frustration, or
depression? Appraising each situation fairly, can I see where I have
been at fault? Did these perplexities beset me because of selfishness
or unreasonable demands? Or, if my disturbance was
seemingly caused by the behaviour of others, why do I lack the
ability to accept conditions I cannot change? These are the sort
of fundamental inquiries that can disclose the source of my
discomfort and indicate whether I may be able to alter my own
conduct and so adjust myself serenely to self-discipline [ie.
not the discipline of others].
Suppose
that financial insecurity constantly arouses these same feelings. I
can ask myself to what extent have my own mistakes fed my
gnawing anxieties. And if the actions of others are part of the
cause, what can I do about that? If I am unable to change the present
state of affairs, am I willing to take the measures necessary to
shape my life to conditions as they are? Questions like these, more
of which will come to mind easily in each individual case, will help
turn up the root causes.
But
it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and
society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have
been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary
fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true
partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs
two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the
people we know [cult
conduct], or we depend upon them far too much. If we
lean too heavily on people [eg.
sponsors], they will sooner or later fail us, for they
are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands.
In this way our insecurity grows and festers. When we
habitually try to manipulate others to our own wilful desires [cult
conduct again], they revolt, and resist us heavily.
Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution ['victim'
mode], and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our
efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes
acute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a family, to
be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a
useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top
of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self-centred
behaviour blocked a partnership relation with any one of those
about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.
Some
will object to many of the questions posed, because they think
their own character defects have not been so glaring [ie
delusional]. To these it can be suggested that a
conscientious examination is likely to reveal the very defects the
objectionable questions are concerned with. Because our surface
record hasn’t looked too bad, we have frequently been abashed to
find that this is so simply because we have buried these selfsame
defects deep down in us under thick layers of self-justification.
Whatever the defects, they have finally
ambushed us into alcoholism and misery.
Therefore,
thoroughness ought to be the watchword when taking inventory. In this
connection, it is wise to write out our questions and answers. It
will be an aid to clear thinking and honest appraisal. It will be the
first tangible evidence of our complete willingness to move
forward.”
(our emphases)(our
observations in red print)
Cheers
The
Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)
