Well
you're definitely not going to believe this! We don't! And if you
think we're that gullible then think again! 'chew think we were born
yesterday! Come off it! You're 'avin a laugh ain't 'cha! Still they
said “keep an open mind” .. so 'ere goes!
The word
is (well several words as it happens) there's a whole new 'spin' been
given to the recovery programme. Now mentioning no names (as if we'd
ever!) but a certain 'guru' (a member of the “happy, joyous and
free” brigade and ardent advocate of the “do as your sponsor
tells you” approach so beloved of control freaks everywhere!) who
hangs about the Kingston/Richmond area - South west London intergroup
- what is it about south west London that attracts so many nutters?
Firstly Happy Dennis, then Billy the Kid, and now introducing ….. drum roll … The Sprinkling
Vicar! Tah rah! So what's the low down on this programme innovator.
Well apparently the 'tom-toms' tell us that he can be found almost
nightly (and sometimes daily) at AA meetings entertaining the troops
with his latest offerings. Clearly the guy puts an enormous amount
of effort into his 'sermons' delivered as they are with an almost
professional aplomb, the result no doubt of frequent repetition both
in front of an audience and we suspect, no less, the bathroom mirror!
As a consequence he has gained something of a reputation for being
'spiritual' whatever that means! Well so far nothing really of great
moment we hear you say! But wait! By day (and sometimes by night for
all we know) he transforms himself into ….... the 'Sprinkling
Vicar'! Hallelujah! Not content, or so it would seem, with saving the
'heathen' (that's you and us by the way!) in the conventional fashion
our 'spiritual entrepreneur' has opened up a whole new franchise
based (or so we're told) on a tome entitled 'A Course in Miracles' (yet another rehash derived from yet another
'divine' revelation!)! Our intrepid 'spiritual healer' has been known
to conduct private ceremonies of 'cleansing and forgiveness' for the
chosen few. These seem to consist mostly of women newcomers in whom
he has discerned (no doubt in some mystical fashion) some kind of
urgent need to have water sprinkled over them. Apparently this
'baptism' (yes .. we're quite familiar with the symbolism)i is
conducted behind closed doors and whilst the subjects are lain prone
(or is it supine?) upon the floor! Well you could have knocked us
over with a …... modest sized paperweight! “Never!”, we gasped
as we struggled to come to terms with this radical concept. Eagerly
we rushed to the book case to consult the Big Book (or the AA 'bible'
as it's regarded in some dogmatic quarters). It must have slipped
our minds! How could we have missed that section about getting a
thorough 'sprinkling'? This was a mystery we could not abide! We
MUST have an answer!! In vain we flicked through the tome searching
desperately for this unquestionably essential part of the recovery
programme. Well if not in the Big Book then surely the 12 and 12?
But again our efforts led us ….. absolutely nowhere! Suddenly
there came a moment of inspiration! We'll use our well thumbed Big Book concordance! Surely this will hold the answer we so urgently
seek! Plugging in the word 'sprinkling' we discovered in a matter of
moments …. absolutely nothing - “sprinkled” yes but
“sprinkling” .. no! How could we be so blind! How was it that we
so failed to see? Again we turned to the Book but this time praying
for that moment of intuition. And then it appeared as if in a vision
in the Foreword to the 2nd
edition:
“Alcohol
being no respecter of persons, we are an accurate cross section of
America, and in distant lands, the same democratic evening-up process
is now going on. By personal religious affiliation, we include
Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Hindus, and a sprinkling of
Moslems and Buddhists. More than 15% of us are women. “
There it
was – as plain as the nose upon our face! Glory be! But then
puzzlement struck. Did this mean that the “sprinkling” should
actually consist of Buddhists and/or Moslems? Surely not! Or was it
the case that only Moslems or Buddhists could carry out the ceremony?
Or perhaps you had to be either a Buddhist or Moslem in order to get
'sprinkled'! Most perplexing and no mistake! At this point we would
have turned to our sponsor to ask for clarification/direction/have
our fortunes told etc before remembering we don't have one! Such was
the rush of relief at the complete absence of any kind of 'advisor'
that all thoughts of 'sprinkling' completely passed from our minds
and we passed into a state of profound tranquillity blah di blah di
blah. Anyhoo ….. the upshot of our investigation revealed
absolutely no reference to being sprinkled with water (holy or
otherwise) whilst laying on the floor. Not in the Big Book, not the
steps, not the traditions,not the concepts. There is in fact a
complete absence of any kind of dousing with water alluded to
therein.
In light
of this might we suggest in all humility (is there any other way!)
that anyone seeking 'forgiveness' or 'cleansing' pop along to see the
local vicar where they will find an amiable enough fellow in a lacy
white frock who will do the business (and for only a small fee). Or
to put it another way – leave it to the pros! Similarly we really
do believe our 'guru' should take up another hobby more in keeping
with his predilections (although for the life of us we really can't
think of one entirely suitable at this present time – suggestions
may be sent SAE)
Cheerio
The Fellas
(Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)
