The AA
(General Service conference approved) booklet: Questions and Answers on Sponsorship
Extract:
“For the person seeking a sponsor
How does sponsorship differ from Twelfth Step calls?
A Twelfth Step call — visiting an alcoholic who has asked for help and talking about the A.A. Program with him or her — may become the beginning of sponsorship, but by itself it is not necessarily sponsorship.
Sponsorship, with its continuing interest in another alcoholic, often develops when the prospect is willing to be helped, admits having a drinking problem, and decides to seek sobriety as a solution.
Sponsorship is Twelfth Step work, but it is also continuing responsibility for helping a newcomer adjust to a way of life without alcohol.
How does sponsorship help the newcomer?
It assures the newcomer that there is at least one person who understands the situation fully and cares — one person to turn to without embarrassment when doubts, questions, or problems linked to alcoholism arise. Sponsorship gives the newcomer an understanding, sympathetic friend when one is needed most. Sponsorship also provides the bridge enabling the new person to meet other alcoholics — in a home group and in other groups visited.
How should a sponsor be chosen?
The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible, and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.
An old A.A. saying suggests, “Stick with the winners.” It’s only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink — and should seem to be enjoying sobriety.”
(our emphases – in bold print)
Comment: A number of points may be made here. It is clear from the above that the initiative should be taken by the newcomer when it comes to choosing a sponsor (or not as the case may be) ie. it is the newcomer who is “willing to be helped”, and it is he or she who makes the first approach. There is absolutely no suggestion here that they should be assigned a sponsor (temporary or otherwise, and certainly not without their consent). Moreover the tone of the relationship is intended to be friendly, sympathetic and certainly not exclusive. Again no mention here of an authoritarian, dictatorial,directive style of sponsorship. No 'tough love' (ie. bullying) is needed, no sanctions applied, no “suggestions” to be obeyed.
Moreover the function of the sponsor may include ensuring that the newcomer makes contact with other members in other groups to broaden as far as possible their access to a wider pool of experience. This advice, of course, runs quite contrary to the cult style of sponsorship which seeks to control newcomers by ensuring they have as little interaction as possible with non-cult groups and members.
When it comes to the scope of the sponsor/newcomer interaction this appears to be restricted to matters relating to “alcoholism” (but see here). In the hands of cult members this has been widened to include almost every aspect of a newcomer's life including relationships (sexual and otherwise), finance, employment, health issues (including psychiatric) and so on. It used to be said in AA - if you break your leg don't go to a meeting. Go to A and E! Similarly if you need informed advice on any of the above consult someone who demonstrates some professional competence (preferably qualified) in that area. Your sponsor is NOT the font of all knowledge and wisdom (even if he or she may think so!)
Finally the expression “seem to be” (repeated a number of times above) covers a multitude of sins. Simply because someone claims they've “never had a bad day in AA” or act in an upbeat fashion in meetings (rictus smile fixed upon face at all times) or repeat the mantra “misery is optional” at every opportunity doesn't mean they're telling the truth. In fact the more they assert their near constant state of bliss the more you've got to wonder why. Who are they trying to impress? You? Themselves? Remember the sayings: All that glitters is not gold …. and … Empty vessels make the most noise!
Cheers
The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)
(to be continued)
Extract:
“For the person seeking a sponsor
How does sponsorship differ from Twelfth Step calls?
A Twelfth Step call — visiting an alcoholic who has asked for help and talking about the A.A. Program with him or her — may become the beginning of sponsorship, but by itself it is not necessarily sponsorship.
Sponsorship, with its continuing interest in another alcoholic, often develops when the prospect is willing to be helped, admits having a drinking problem, and decides to seek sobriety as a solution.
Sponsorship is Twelfth Step work, but it is also continuing responsibility for helping a newcomer adjust to a way of life without alcohol.
How does sponsorship help the newcomer?
It assures the newcomer that there is at least one person who understands the situation fully and cares — one person to turn to without embarrassment when doubts, questions, or problems linked to alcoholism arise. Sponsorship gives the newcomer an understanding, sympathetic friend when one is needed most. Sponsorship also provides the bridge enabling the new person to meet other alcoholics — in a home group and in other groups visited.
How should a sponsor be chosen?
The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible, and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.
An old A.A. saying suggests, “Stick with the winners.” It’s only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink — and should seem to be enjoying sobriety.”
(our emphases – in bold print)
Comment: A number of points may be made here. It is clear from the above that the initiative should be taken by the newcomer when it comes to choosing a sponsor (or not as the case may be) ie. it is the newcomer who is “willing to be helped”, and it is he or she who makes the first approach. There is absolutely no suggestion here that they should be assigned a sponsor (temporary or otherwise, and certainly not without their consent). Moreover the tone of the relationship is intended to be friendly, sympathetic and certainly not exclusive. Again no mention here of an authoritarian, dictatorial,directive style of sponsorship. No 'tough love' (ie. bullying) is needed, no sanctions applied, no “suggestions” to be obeyed.
Moreover the function of the sponsor may include ensuring that the newcomer makes contact with other members in other groups to broaden as far as possible their access to a wider pool of experience. This advice, of course, runs quite contrary to the cult style of sponsorship which seeks to control newcomers by ensuring they have as little interaction as possible with non-cult groups and members.
When it comes to the scope of the sponsor/newcomer interaction this appears to be restricted to matters relating to “alcoholism” (but see here). In the hands of cult members this has been widened to include almost every aspect of a newcomer's life including relationships (sexual and otherwise), finance, employment, health issues (including psychiatric) and so on. It used to be said in AA - if you break your leg don't go to a meeting. Go to A and E! Similarly if you need informed advice on any of the above consult someone who demonstrates some professional competence (preferably qualified) in that area. Your sponsor is NOT the font of all knowledge and wisdom (even if he or she may think so!)
Finally the expression “seem to be” (repeated a number of times above) covers a multitude of sins. Simply because someone claims they've “never had a bad day in AA” or act in an upbeat fashion in meetings (rictus smile fixed upon face at all times) or repeat the mantra “misery is optional” at every opportunity doesn't mean they're telling the truth. In fact the more they assert their near constant state of bliss the more you've got to wonder why. Who are they trying to impress? You? Themselves? Remember the sayings: All that glitters is not gold …. and … Empty vessels make the most noise!
Cheers
The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)
(to be continued)
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