Author:
Mark Dombeck, Ph.D. Source: CenterSite.net
Some
good advice included in this article. Hence we quote at some length:
“It's
time for a follow-up on my AA is a Cult? Essay of about a year ago. Two reasons for this.
First, Newsweek recently published a three page article profiling an
AA group in the Washington DC area [Midtown]
which has been accused of cult-like and abusive behavior. And of
course, as AA is by design an open organization at the ground level,
there
are not really mechanisms in place to keep predatory sorts of folks
from joining and then manipulating the organization.
Some words on how to identify and avoid predatory behaviors and
characteristics are perhaps in order. Second, because the comments on
my original AA article keep on coming, and there are distinct
patterns emerging therein which are worth commenting on.
The
Newsweek article first. The article concerns meetings held at
Midtown, which is represented as one of the oldest and largest
meetings in the DC area. According to Newsweek, Midtown members
pressured a recent attendee, a young woman named "May", to
cut off ties with anyone outside the group, to stop taking
doctor-prescribed medications for her bipolar disorder, and to date
and become sexually involved with other group members. Apparently,
newer group members were also pressured to do chores for more
established group members, as though they were pledging for a
fraternity. There are other accusations as well, but these listed
here capture the tone of the complaints.
Some
of these behaviors, such as encouraging members to go off
prescribed medications, become sexually involved with other
members, and do chores for other members seem simply abusive,
controlling and arrogant. They are against established AA
guidelines as I understand them. Other behaviors such as the
group's efforts to socially isolate members may have started out with
good intentions. Some social control can be a good thing when dealing
with addictions. Addicts build up habit chains, which are series of
linked behaviors that lead them down a path towards becoming
intoxicated. For instance, seeing a friend with whom you used to
drink can set off a chain of behaviors which culminates in you
drinking again. The best way to cope with these sorts of habit chains
is to avoid getting them triggered. It makes sense, therefore, for
newly recovering alcoholics to avoid the people, places and things
associated with their drinking habits which get the habit chains
started. It similarly makes sense for an organization designed to
promote sobriety to encourage newly sober members to avoid those
triggering people, places and things as well. There is a line that
can be crossed into abuse here as well. You
can certainly attempt to control people too much. However, the
bar is higher for calling this sort of social control abusive than
for some of the other behaviors Midtown is accused of perpetrating.
A
little more on the social control complaint. A frequent criticism of
AA groups is that members are not allowed to grow out of AA. In the
case of the Midtown group, a member alleges that when she tried to
leave her sponsor told her that she would die without the group to
support her. There may be some merit to this behavior too,
despite its seemingly sinister bent. Alcoholics are typically
psychologically vulnerable in early recovery. Their minds and
behaviors have been compromised by those addictive habit chains I
spoke of earlier. Their judgment is typically crappy by which I mean
that they may believe that they can go out with their old drinking
friends, go to the bar, etc. and not end up drinking. It is as though
they believe they are immune to their entrenched habits if they want
to be. People who are more experienced with overcoming negative
habits know better and do what they can to avoid triggering their
habits in the first place. Understood in this light, a sponsor
getting angry with a sponsee who wants to leave what seems to be
shelter for a return to old habits makes sense. It is a helpless
feeling watching someone who seems determined to hurt themselves and
will not listen to warnings.
To
take the other side of this argument for a moment, I have long been
troubled by the idea that AA doesn't seem to provide a clear path for
maturing out of the group for those people who over time cease to
require it anymore. Or if there is such a path, it is not widely
discussed. I have seen people whose entire social lives revolve
around AA decades after their initial involvement and last drink and
I have to wonder (from my non-addicted point of view) if that is
necessary or entirely healthy. I don't question that there are people
out there who will continue to need the constant support of AA for
the rest of their lives. I don't question that people who have become
addicted will remain vulnerable for the rest of their lives. I also
don't question that it is a good idea for addicted people to remain
sober for the rest of their lives. Better safe than sorry is a good
policy. However, I also know that there is a larger world than AA out
there, and it seems like it would be a good idea for experienced
and long-time-sober AA members to expand their social horizons
outside AA, even as it is also a good idea to keep their connection
to AA alive.
I've
said this before and it bears repeating. AA is not necessarily the
best available treatment for alcoholism, and it is certainly not the
only one. I'm partial to the scientifically derived treatments
myself. Relapse prevention and motivational interviewing approaches
are what I'm most comfortable promoting. However, these sorts of
interventions are administered by professionals and cost a lot of
money to obtain. They cannot be frequently administered to large
amounts of people, or at least people cannot typically afford them in
any frequent format. Also these scientifically derived interventions
don't do a very good job of providing available sober social support;
a sort of support that is absolutely critical for early recovery to
progress in most cases. AA provides frequently available social
support and promotes sobriety every night and every morning and in
many places at lunchtime too. AA is free. AA helps people who are
open to its message. AA makes an excellent adjunctive treatment for
those who can afford to take advantage of the scientifically derived
therapies. It is what is available to those who cannot afford those
therapies.
There
is a baby in with the bathwater, is what I've been saying, and what
many people who have commented on the AA essays have been saying too.
There are really some treasures within AA if you can get to them. In
order to get to them you have to find a good AA group in the first
place (which is not guaranteed to be available to you, apparently
(but what in life is?), and you also have to be open to the idea that
your judgment is faulty; that you need to submit yourself to a
"higher" judgment; the judgment of people who have
struggled with alcoholism and learned how to live sober.
The
thing is, even though an alcoholics' judgment is generally crappy,
they still need to keep their wits about them. They still need to be
making judgments about the motives of the people in the AA group
they're attached to. They need to be satisfying themselves that they
are in a group of people who are not trying to take advantage of them
but rather who are trying to do something altruistic (and
self-preservative too). Both con artist and saint will need to be
giving explicit and somewhat controlling directions to the newly
recovering alcoholic, and because it is hard to take directions;
because there is generally so much pride at stake, these two efforts
to control may appear to be indistinguishable. Nevertheless, it is
important for the newly recovering alcoholic to be able to reject the
one and embrace the other. This is one of the harder things to do in
AA, I suspect.
For
what they are worth, here are some pointers for what to avoid in a
support group and in AA. Stay away from groups that encourage you
to:
- Avoid your friends and family (unless there is a clear and logical rational for why you should avoid your friends and family (e.g., there is concrete evidence that they will undermine your sobriety or mental health). When this is the case (and it really is the case sometimes), it is reasonable that the avoidance should be temporary rather than permanent and something that can be attempted again in the future if that becomes a reasonable thing to do.
- Discourage engaging in leisure or daily activities that don't involve group members. It's okay if alcoholic or drug-involved activities are discouraged, but that is where the line should be drawn.
- Discourage using other forms of treatment besides the group. Any group member that tells you to not take prescribed medication should not be listened to. Any group member who tells you to not attend psychotherapy should not be listened to.
- Rely on group decision making processes for making your important decisions. There will be times when it will be wisest to delegate decisions to others (e.g., when you are intoxicated, when you are in very early recovery and you can't seem to keep yourself sober), but such delegation should always be done on a temporary basis, and it should be limited in scope. Allow the group to help you troubleshoot difficult situations (e.g., what do I do when I go to the office party and everyone else is drinking!). Allow a more experienced person to help you find a sponsor. Do not allow a more experienced person to tell you to stay with a sponsor you know to be abusive. Do not give your life savings to a support group. Do not let the group dictate who you must date or become sexual with, etc. On the other hand, it is a good idea to follow the general AA rule to not date during the first year of sobriety. It can be tricky figuring this out.
- Take up an us/them mentality. Your membership in the support group should not become your only and sole identity, or if it must (because otherwise you know you will drink), then let that be only on a temporary basis, until you've built up the coping skills necessary to have outside relationships. In other words, support and understanding within the group is good. Suggesting that no one else outside the group will ever understand or care about you is not........
"Caveat
Emptor" is the old Latin phrase we're all familiar with meaning,
"Let the buyer beware". AA is a positive force for sobriety
around the world, but it is not without its problems. People seeking
to become sober should avail themselves of a range of treatment
options including rehabs, relapse prevention and motivational
interviewing approaches and related therapies as well as AA to the
extent that these can be afforded and accessed. AA should be used for
the good it can provide. There is much wisdom therein. At the same
time, people
should not abandon their street smarts upon entering AA.
They should be careful to avoid
the more abusively controlling and immature sorts of members and
rather associate themselves with those other members who are working
towards a more straightforward and sincere recovery.
Not an easy task, I know. One that becomes harder if you allow
yourself to become isolated and unable to check in with other people
about the validity of your perception. So, to the extent that you can
avoid it, don't allow that to happen. Listen
to your gut
and check your perceptions with others who care about you. Do what
you can do to not be taken advantage of. At the same time, don't be
so paranoid that you fail to take advantage of what help is
available.”
(our
emphases)
Cheers
The
Fellas (Friends
of Alcoholics Anonymous)
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