Some time
ago we received some correspondence concerning the above group. We were requested to delay reporting this out of deference
to the feelings of family and friends. The communication has been
edited to preserve anonymity. These events took place in July/August
2012
“Hi,
I am writing this in connection with the recent suicide of a member of the Bournemouth Road to Recovery group.
…...
threw himself out of a tree with a rope around his neck on Monday
30th July. His neck was broken and I believe his spinal cord was
severed. He was kept alive until Friday 3rd August at which point his
ventilator was switched off.
I visited
him ….... to pay my respects and say goodbye.....
Since his
death I have learned that …...... was a member of the
Bournemouth Road to Recovery group and was sponsored by a certain
'….......', …....., sometime sponsee of Wayne P and a person I should like to avoid meeting ever again.
…....'s
parents …... are mystified by his death - "He'd stopped
drinking, his life seemed to be getting better. He'd even written a
new song and joined a choir...." - and want to know about his
associates and connections in AA. They understood that …... was a
member of what they described as "a breakaway group in AA."
I don't
want these kind and decent people to get caught in crossfire between
the Roadies and 'mainstream' AA. They are stunned by grief. I believe
that in time they may also start to feel angry, as indeed I am
beginning to..
Meanwhile
[his sponsor] is said to be on holiday.
I would
appreciate any thoughts, suggestions or observations you may have to
give me. …... was a friend, a decent guy and about as vulnerable
as any chronic alcoholic has a right to be.
In
fellowship.
…....”
Our
response:
“Dear
…...
Thank you
for your mail.
We're
sorry to hear about the death of your friend.
From our
perspective it's always very difficult to discern the precise reasons
why somebody decides to take their own life. In one sense there's
nothing 'reasonable' about it. To go against one's own instinct to
survive can only be the result of an enormous internal conflict.
What we can say however is that the kind of environment offered by
cult groups like Bournemouth Road to Recovery is probably the worst
possible for people such as these. Their anti prescribed medication/anti counselling/dogma driven approach
offers nothing to the more vulnerable members of our society.
From your description of …. it might be that he was suffering from
depression and was unable to communicate easily what he was going
through. To exacerbate the situation further (as you may
be aware) any such 'negative' expression is much frowned upon in cult
circles. The opportunities for him to talk about these concerns
may have been very limited indeed. We quite understand your
concern for his family and their feelings. They are after all the
ones left behind to try and come to terms with his death. It is
interesting to note however that they are seeking some kind of
explanation as to why he should take his own life, and moreover seem
to suspect already that this may be in some way linked to his
participation in the above group We would certainly encourage
them to pursue their enquiries especially if these should throw some
light on the circumstances that resulted in his death.
We can of course raise the matter on the site (suitably edited) which may elicit further information if you feel that would be appropriate
Cheers
The Fellas”
We can of course raise the matter on the site (suitably edited) which may elicit further information if you feel that would be appropriate
Cheers
The Fellas”
“Dear
Fellas,
Thanks for
prompt reply.
I want
these fundamentalist goons 'outed' for what they are.
I recall
my own slog through the first three years of sobriety, the emotional
instability and the taboo against saying how you really feel. I was
helped by good people who told me things would probably get better
with time and continued use of AA. I guess that's pretty much what I
said to my poor friend.
He made a
bid for freedom from the road [Bournemouth Road to Recovery] a
couple of months back, …........, then stepped back onto the road.
I have found this out only since he died. It's not my practice to
draw folk away from the road.
The
trouble is that vulnerable souls - and who doesn't fit that
description in early times? - experience a crisis of confidence and
conscience, caught between the hard line and 'the easier, softer
way'. We are told we don't know what's best for us and the road
equips us with (seemingly) strong, charismatic sponsors to tell us.
The word 'cult' is appropriate.
As to the
circumstances which resulted in …....'s death I have pieced some of
them together. …....... I believe he was also on anti depressant
(or even anti psychotic) medication. …....... several 'roadies'
from …...'s home group ….. seem very shocked and I suspect the
event may even discredit the group in the eyes of some members.
My problem
is this. I would like …....'s inquest, funeral and memorial service
to pass before any information is disseminated on Cult Watch. This
wish is in the spirit of protecting …....'s family at this stage
…......
Again I
would value your perspective on this.
Best
wishes,
…...”
Comment:
None required. We'll let the facts speak for themselves
The Fellas
(Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)
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