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Monday, 19 May 2014

Real life is NOT 'Disney' land!


Extracts from the aacultwatch forum (old):
.......... I work through the steps, not so much with my sponsor or in A.A., but outside A.A. in my daily affairs. The Big Book (pages 101-103) tells me not to be a social recluse, but to go out into the world: “So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties.” (Big book page 101)

If you are a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don’t start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor.” (Big Book page 102).

When you feel ready, I suggest you might find that an evening out with your co-workers might do you a whole lot more spiritual good than an A.A. meeting. If you take the courage to build relationships with non-alcoholics, then I think this will help give you a sense of belonging in society and help you end the need for the faulty dependence on the cult group.

The indexes of “As Bill sees it” and “Daily reflections” provide readings to help with any emotional disturbance or indecision that I may be feeling: aloneness (As Bill sees it), loneliness (Daily Reflections) anxiety, fear, blame, revenge, self-deception, family relationships, dependence on people etc. Going though these readings at times of acute anxiety or depression have often helped me hang on in when there has been nothing left in me except the will to keep going.

I found it useful to read Bill W’s story in “Pass it On”: “When, in the Big Book, written in 1938, he had described sobriety as “ a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed,” he had meant it with all sincerity. Now scarcely five years later, he was plunged into an abyss of such bleakness and negativity as to make him suicidal. Bill’s depressions lasted roughly 11 years in all, until 1955 when he was finally freed of them. During those years, however, they were not constant, nor were they always the same intensity. The first two years 1944-1946 were apparently the worst. Recalling them Marty M. said "It was awful. There were long periods of time when he couldn't get out of bed. He just stayed in bed, and Lois would see that he ate...". (Pass it on page 293)

"Psychiatric treatment was just one of the many routes that Bill would investigate in an attempt to understand and heal himself of the negativity that was making his life such an intolerable burden. For someone in Bill's position- a founder of a lifesaving program which promised its adherents "a new happiness" - to openly undertake a course of psychiatric treatment was an act of courage." (Pass it on page 295)

When I became aware of the difficulties others have in attaining emotional sobriety I realised I am not a special case. Some of us have deep underlying emotional problems which come to the surface only years after we have stopped drinking. I know all too well the times of acute anxiety and panic attacks that you share, but I have been able to come through them, sometimes with the aid of professional help (See loving advisors, As Bill sees it, page 303) I don’t get the attacks any more. After my early struggle was able to re-build a social life outside A.A, I met and married a non alcoholic, I became a parent, a “worker among workers” as suggested in step 12. I now enjoy an emotional stability which is greater than at any other time in my life, but the admission price to this new freedom was the type of pain that you share. I paid it and I think with a will you can too. A.A. is part of my life, but not the whole. When you hurt, there’s always the temptation to go back because you can’t see what good the future holds for you. It is a test of faith (having confidence in your intuition), will and courage.“Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the light, even though for the moment you do not see” (Pain and progress, As Bill sees it page 3). If ever in doubt, I think the honesty of A.A. and a whoopee party with your work mates sure beats being involved with a cult.”

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

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